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CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

“ – a

nd the farmers are still supplying fresh fruits, and as such, no extra funds will be spent procuring produce at markets.”

Ernest had likely been giving his account of the household expenses for about half an hour, but Julian had only heard the first five minutes of it if he were being honest. It was quite hard to focus on much else when he still had not settled on how to deal with the realization that he might… love Anna.

The notion was ridiculous, in and of itself.

He had seen how defective his parent’s marriage was, how love had turned his mother into a fool and rendered her helpless in the face of the damage his father had brought upon them.

To think that he had unknowingly opened his heart to Anna made him angry at his own carelessness.

He blamed his brother for his misfortune – after all, if Seth had not lived such a promiscuous life, he wouldn’t have gotten some poor scullery maid in a delicate condition, forcing her to abandon their child when he did not take responsibility, which brought Nicholas into Anna’s life.

If his brother only knew to stay away from women, then perhaps all would have been well.

“Shall I go over the previous month’s expenses too?” the butler asked uncertainly, after three minutes of pure silence.

Julian waved at him to do what he wished, his thoughts still racing to formulate a plan on how to deal with his situation.

Does she feel the same? He wondered suddenly, his eyes narrowing slightly.

A part of him hoped that she did, unable to ignore the warmth that spread through him at the prospect of being wanted by Anna. Being admired and adored by her, irrevocably desired by her.

However, if she did not… if the one with the burdensome feelings were only him, then perhaps things could still proceed normally. All he needed to do was leave as soon as possible and these feelings would fade into nothing.

“Thank you, Ernest,” Julian said suddenly, cutting his butler off. “I am sure everything is in order like it has been since the duchess took control of the affairs of the estate. You may go.”

If Ernest was puzzled or confused by the duke’s strange actions, he said nothing about it, simply bowing in response to his master’s instructions before taking his leave from Julian’s study.

Only to walk back in barely three minutes later with a grim expression.

“Lord Harrow just arrived and wishes to speak to you, Your Grace.”

Almost immediately, Julian’s mood soured.

It had been one thing for him to have an unproductive morning, with most of it spent trying to deal with the havoc his heart seemed intent on wrecking on his life.

It was another thing entirely for something as inconvenient and irritating as his brother to appear before him when he was in no mood to deal with it.

With a sigh, he instructed the butler, “Bring him in.”

Ernest went to do as he was told, and moments later, Seth walked into Julian’s study.

To his credit, he seemed much more put together than he had the last time, but no less unhappy to see his brother. Julian sat back, having a feeling that he might not like the words that were about to leave his brother’s mouth.

As Seth settled into the chair on the other side of Julian’s desk, he glanced around the study for a moment, then finally settled his gaze on his brother, the corner of his lips pulling into a smirk.

“You look as pretentious as ever, in Father’s chair.”

Julian clenched a hand into a fist at the mention of their father, willing himself not to flare up at his brother because he, unfortunately, needed the rascal to do what was needed of him.

“If you wished to insult me, you could have written me a letter. Surely you did not come all this way because you wished to mock me childishly.” Julian rebutted calmly.

Seth looked embarrassed for a moment, and then he lowered his head, reluctantly speaking up.

“I… I have run out of money and I need you to provide me with my allowance.”

Julian’s gaze narrowed. “That was not what we discussed. I specifically told you that you will receive no allowance until you have found the mother of your child and you have taken responsibility for your actions. Were you able to find her?”

“N-No, but –”

“Then we have nothing further to discuss and you will be getting nothing from me. Have a nice day, Seth.”

Seth looked caught off guard for a moment, then his expression contorted into one of anger.

“How can you be so sure the child is mine? How can I be sure that you did not have a child with a mistress and you wish to pass it off as mine to stay in your wife’s good graces?” he snapped angrily.

Julian leveled him with an unimpressed stare.

“Can you even hear yourself? Do you really think I have nothing better to do than to chase you about, urging you to fix your mess? If I had a child, you likely wouldn’t even know about it, because you do not care about anyone but yourself.

That is why my wife is currently tending to your son as we speak.

I have never evaded my responsibilities. I am not you.” He told Seth coldly.

Seth was silent for a moment and then his shoulders dropped as he asked,

“Then why?”

Julian frowned. “Why what?”

“Why are you so intent on making me take up this massive task? You know better than anyone that I am not made for fatherhood, no more than you were made to be a husband. Not when the one who was meant to teach us these things only cared about himself and his mistresses. You are wasting your time, Julian. Do not put me in a position to ruin that poor child’s life. ”

It was strange. Julian never expected his brother to say something so thoughtful, and while he did raise good points, it wouldn’t be right to leave things as they were.

“How would you know if you have never tried it? You are incorrigible and unreliable, but that does not have to be who you will always be. Perhaps this is what you need – a chance to prove that there is more to you than your vices. Do you feel content like this? Living your life this way? I know better than anyone that the void within you cannot be filled by the hobbies and activities you employ to keep yourself busy. You need a real reason to live, Seth. The least you could do for yourself is try to live right and now you have a reason to do so.” Julian implored, using a tone he hadn’t attempted since they were young boys.

Seth’s uncertainty and doubt remained stubborn, but it did seem as though he was at least listening to Julian’s words. And so when he began to protest, Julian tried one more tactic.

“You should at least see him. Just once.”

Seth frowned. “Who?”

“Your child, Seth, Christ. You should see him. Perhaps it will help you understand just what I mean.”

“I do not think that is wise –”

Julian pressed gently, “Only for a moment. I am not saying that you have to spend an hour caring for him. Just… come and take a look at him. You will understand why I believed he was yours, from the moment I set my eye on him.”

With a tired sigh, Seth relented.

“Fine. All right. I’ll meet the brat.”

“Watch your mouth,” Julian scolded, rising to his feet and walking around the desk to lead the way to Nicholas’ nursery.

“Yes, Your Grace,” Seth grumbled sarcastically.

“I mean it. Do not utter a single unkind word in front of the child or my wife will have you hanging off the terrace by noon. If she orders it, I will have to command it to be done. I advise you not to cross her.” Julian stated, ignoring the gobsmacked expression on his brother’s face.

“That is absolutely bullocks –”

Julian shushed Seth and slowly pushed the already ajar nursery door fully open, both of them simultaneously captivated by the sight occurring in the center of the room.

Anna held Nicholas in her arms, softly speaking to him with a smile.

The boy looked just as delighted with her presence as she was with his.

He kept babbling happily and reaching for her face, his adorable little hands managing to press against her jaw at some point, the feat garnering so much joy from him that he squealed.

It seemed that Seth was as absorbed with what was happening as Julian was, even though they likely had different subjects of their interest. It was still a relief that Seth hadn’t walked away yet.

Moments later, Julian learned that fleeing was the last thing on his mind as his brother stepped into the nursery, his eyes fixated on Nicholas. His movement caught Anna’s attention and she immediately wrapped her arms around Nicholas protectively.

“Who are you and what are you doing in my house?” Anna demanded, quickly rising to her feet and backing away from Seth.

Sensing things were already going awry, Julian stepped forward.

“Do not fret, An– wife. This is Seth, my brother.” He paused before adding. “Nicholas’s father.”

To his brother, he said, nodding in Anna’s direction. “That is my wife. And in her arms, your son.”

He had thought that the introduction would help ease things into a more comfortable atmosphere, but Anna only seemed to grow more agitated.

“It is a pleasure, Your –”

“I’m sure it is. I suspect you feel that way about all the maidens you meet.” She stated coldly.

“Only the really lovely ones,” Seth winked cheekily.

Anna glanced at her husband who in turn glanced around the nursery, searching for a window out of which he could throw his brother.

“What brings you here, Lord Harrow? It certainly cannot be the child in my arms. I thought you had no interest in him – and that is why he was abandoned by his mother, who later had to give him up because she likely couldn’t care about him.” Anna stated coldly.

“Well…” Seth shrugged, dropping his gaze down to Nicholas.

“I did not come here for him. He was the reason I arrived at your home, but that is due to his involvement in a separate issue. My brother believes I need to own up to my mistakes and take responsibility for my actions. But… I’ve never seen a mistake look so lovely. ”