Page 31

Everything Else be Damned

N ikhail was holding a black box in his palm, and River couldn’t stop staring at it.

This was a very specific kind of black box. The kind that people had in movies when they bought very expensive things. The kind that housed bracelets and charms and rings .

Oh, gods.

River’s heart pounded wildly, slamming against the walls she’d erected around them. Each boom threatened to be the one that would obliterate her last defenses.

Why had she danced with Nikhail? He had entranced her with his graceful air fae ways, and she’d forgotten her resolve to keep him at arm’s length.

So much for her plan. Every good intention she’d had was gone, and now she was staring at a black jewelry box.

Why did Nikhail have this box, and why in the gods’ names was he looking at her as if she were the center of his universe? River’s head spun, and she gulped air greedily, trying to understand how one dance had turned into this .

Stupid.

She’d been so incredibly stupid. Or had she been cocky? Maybe that’s what had happened to her. Either way, she’d made a mistake.

She had let her guard down because of the way he made her feel. Her curse had slumbered while she danced in his arms, and for a few precious moments, she’d forgotten that it existed. Swept away by Nikhail, she’d felt at peace for the first time in years.

Stupidly, she’d agreed to go with him. And now…

Now they were here in the garden, alone. In the solarium.

Her solarium.

Of all the places they could’ve gone, Nikhail had to go and pick the one that meant the most to her. This had been her refuge for years. Did he know that? Did he know she’d spent hundreds of hours in here, hiding from the rest of the world?

Sola Terran, the Earth Elf her parents employed to tend the gardens, knew this was River’s place. Her solace. Her refuge.

When River had lived in Waterborn House, Sola often checked in on her, making sure she was all right. Gods, in many ways, the Earth Elf had been more of a mother than Tertia had ever been. Sometimes, Sola would even bring River food so she could hide in the solarium longer.

The moonlit structure contained a plethora of memories. She’d spent hundreds of hours stretched out on the stone bench across the way, cramming for tests.

The wooden table at the other end of the solarium would often be covered in textbooks when she studied. She could practically see the paths she’d worn on the floor with Ember, pacing back and forth as they quizzed each other from stacks of flash cards.

And the bench she now occupied with Nikhail…

This was the one where she’d run when she couldn’t find peace anywhere else. On some days, when the curse had been a particularly powerful, swirling tempest, threatening to overpower her, she’d come and collapse on this bench.

The uncomfortable, often cold stone surface had been yet another penance for her actions on the night of the Incident.

She would fall upon it, press her cheek against the rough stone, and sob. For years, her tears had watered the potted plants and encouraged them to grow as much as Sola’s magic.

And now, Nikhail had brought her here. Not only that, but he’d swept away the clouds so she could see the stars. How was she supposed to stay strong and keep her distance in the midst of all this?

After what felt like several centuries, but was probably just a few minutes, Nikhail cleared his throat.

“Do you remember the first day we met?” he asked.

River blinked, pulling her gaze from the box to his face. Those look-into-your-soul amber eyes were locked on hers, and her breath caught in her throat.

Gods above, Nikhail had always been beautiful, but right now, he looked like he was carved from starlight.

Every handsome feature was accentuated, calling her name.

The sharp cut of his jaw. Those lips she’d dreamed of countless times.

That hair that, in another life, she would’ve loved running her fingers through, holding him close as they?—

Gods-damn it. She couldn’t be thinking about these things. Not now. Not ever.

She had to remember why those barriers were in place, why she was keeping him at arm’s length. Running her list of reasons through her mind, River swallowed and solidified her resolve.

She could do this.

“Yes, I remember,” she whispered, her voice hoarse.

She’d never forget their first meeting. She’d been nineteen and studying hard at the University of Balance.

Those days, nightmares of the Incident had haunted her day and night.

She’d barely slept for fear of falling into night terrors filled with endless waves and screams of the dying.

They felt far too real, and every time, she’d wake in a cold sweat, tangled in her sheets.

Days had passed in hazy blurs of attending classes, spending time with her father, releasing her magic, and studying. She’d barely even seen Ember that year, too tired to do much more than survive.

Or at least, that’s how it had been until the haze broke. Until he broke through it.

When Nikhail had walked into Waterborn House, he had been a ray of sunshine, slicing through the darkness. He’d calmed her storm in a way that nothing ever had before.

Her curse had quieted at the sight of the handsome fae who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, and for the first time since coming into her magic, she’d felt like she could breathe. That day, she learned what true serenity felt like.

No, she’d sooner forget her own name than the memory of their first meeting.

She was pulled back to the present when Nikhail’s lips twitched up into the kind of smile that would have most women and men ready to jump into his bed.

And she knew many had, in the past. Nikhail’s dating life hadn’t exactly been a secret.

Like Ember, he had had his fair share of bed partners in the past.

But now, he was directing that smile at her .

By the Blessed Black Sands, it was ridiculously effective.

When he smiled at her like that, all bright and full of life, she wanted to leap into his lap and let him do whatever he wanted to her.

It took far too much self-control, but she reached for the walls around her heart and held them firm, refusing to let them drop.

Remember the curse, River chided herself. Remember why you can’t let yourself love anyone .

She knew all the reasons she had to stay away from him, so why was it getting harder and harder to remember them?

“The day we met is ingrained in my memory.” Nikhail’s quiet rumble filled the solarium, and her heart crashed against her chest.

Were the four walls closing in on them, or was it just in her mind?

“Oh?” The word was a strangled gasp as it slipped from her lips.

He ran his thumb across the back of her gloved hand, and by the gods, that one touch sent electricity running through her. She’d forgotten that they were touching—it had slipped her mind in all her panic over the little black box.

Her mind raced as she tried to think of a way out of this. She never should’ve let him go first, never should’ve let him take her out here at all.

Nikhail’s fingers tightened around hers, and his voice deepened. “When I first saw you, my soul sang.”

Oh, no.

No, no, no. This was not good. Not fucking good at all.

The beats of River’s heart were as loud as waves crashing against a shore. Could he hear it over his sweet words?

“Meeting you changed my life, River,” he said.

Rubber bands wrapped around her chest and squeezed tighter and tighter.

Was this… was he …

“Nik.” The word was a strangled whisper. A cry for help. A plea. “What are you…”

He popped open the lid, angling the box so she could see inside.

Oh. Oh, thank all the gods and everything that was holy. It wasn’t a ring.

Relief was a cool, swift current running through her, and she exhaled.

She wasn’t entirely sure what she would’ve done if there had been a ring in there—probably told Nikhail he was crazy and run away before he could do something incredibly stupid and life-changing like propose—but now she didn’t need to find out.

Only then did River realize the box wasn’t empty. That made sense, she supposed. Who would carry around an empty box?

Untangling his fingers from hers, Nikhail reached inside the small container. He pulled out a delicate silver chain, the necklace laughably small compared to the size of his fingers. Dangling at the end, glittering as if it contained moonlight, was a single silver water drop.

“Oh, Nik,” she breathed. “Is this…”

“It’s for you.” His voice was soft, and his tone… Gods, she’d never heard this one from him before. It sparked tiny embers within her, warming her from the inside out. “Call it a Winter Solstice present.”

River couldn’t look away from the gift. Equally understated and elegant, it called to her. She had plenty of jewelry, but no one had ever given her anything so beautiful or so perfectly her before.

She should leave. Sands save her, she should’ve already left. Staying here with Nikhail was playing with fire in more ways than one.

But even though River knew her magic was unsafe, that her very presence was a hazard to Nikhail, her legs didn’t seem capable of moving. They refused to get her out of this situation.

“I don’t know what to say,” she whispered, the words pained. “I… I don’t…”

Her tongue was tied in knots. She could truthfully say this had never happened to her. In all her years of learning how proper young ladies behaved, no one had ever covered what to do in a situation like this. Not her mother, her various nannies, or the teachers at her prestigious school.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Nikhail murmured, calm in the face of her panic. “Just accept the gift. I saw it, and I knew it was perfect for you.”

“It is,” she whispered.

It was perhaps the most perfect piece of jewelry she’d ever seen. It looked like it had been made for her, and Nikhail had procured it. How did he do that? How did he see her so well?