Page 18

Breathe with Me

O n the outside, River thought she was doing a fairly decent job of keeping her emotions under control. She was calm as she stood before Nikhail, waiting for him to explain what had landed him in the hospital.

On the inside, she was so far from calm that she could barely remember what it felt like. For hours, her magic had been crashing waves, beating ruthlessly against her reconstructed dam. She’d kept it inside, though. She might be the Cursed One, but she would not let her control slip. Not again.

A few hours ago, after Nikhail’s foolish attempt at leaving the hospital and subsequent re-stitching, she’d slipped away for half an hour. She hadn’t wanted to, but it was better to take a break from her vigil than harm the foolish air fae or anyone else.

Ember had come to watch over Nikhail for her, and River had gone to the empty courtyard attached to the hospital’s cafeteria. She had released her pent-up magic, letting all her fury and frustration pour out of her. The gardens wouldn’t need watering for days .

Once she had regained control, she returned to wait for Nikhail to wake.

Lakewater General Hospital had a strict “no operating on friends or family” rule, but River had pushed back on it when Nikhail was brought in. Thank all the gods Doctor Collins hadn’t been working today, since the Republic of Balance would’ve frozen over before he let her break the rules.

Oakley Marvish, on the other hand, was kind. A human who hailed from the Central Region, he and River had worked together a few times before. She had pleaded her case, and he’d allowed her to come into the operating room as long as she promised not to interfere.

She’d easily agreed—she was far too worried about Nikhail to attempt something as dangerous as holding a scalpel. She scrubbed in and remained by his side.

This hadn’t been how River expected to get back into an operating room, but she hadn’t had much time to think about it since Nikhail had been actively dying in front of her.

The surgery to save his life had taken hours, and she’d remained glued to his side the entire time.

It wasn’t just for him; her magic had needed her to be there.

If she hadn’t been sitting right next to him, hadn’t seen his vitals dip but then rise once more, she wasn’t sure what would’ve happened. What she would’ve done.

My magic does not control me. It is a tool that I’ve been given. I control it.

Eliza was right…. But it turned out she was also wrong.

River’s magic was controllable, for the most part, but it was also a curse. There was no doubt in River’s mind about that, especially as she spent hours wrestling it back under her control .

It was easier with Nikhail around. Her magic was calmer around him—at least, when he wasn’t dying. Easier to manage.

That was good, because gods above.

This man.

This. Man.

First, he had the absolute audacity to show up at her hospital, hovering on the brink of death. Who did that? Who disappeared for a month without even a text and then showed up like he did?

And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough—it was—he tried leaving a few scant hours after his life-saving surgery ended. She’d gone to use the restroom, and when she returned, he’d been facedown on the floor, a growing crimson puddle beneath him.

River didn’t understand. How could he be so gods-damned stubborn and uncaring about his own health? Who ripped out an IV and attempted to return to work after suffering a nearly fatal stomach wound?

Gods-damned Nikhail Galebringer, that’s who.

The air fae had been stubborn for as long as River had known him, but this behavior was reckless, even for him. Did he care about his own well-being at all?

If he did, she had yet to see any evidence of it.

She was so frustrated that she could scream to the heavens. And she probably would, if she weren’t in a hospital room with the infuriating man.

Even now, from where he remained in the hospital bed, he drew the eye. His skin was paler than usual, but there was no ignoring him.

“What happened, Nik?” she asked again, when he still hadn’t spoken .

Those amber eyes held her gaze. “You promise to keep this between us?”

“Of course.” Her answer was instantaneous.

River knew how secretive these military men could get. There had been many times in her life when Ryker had excused himself to take a call for work, and even more when he’d only been able to give her the vaguest details of what he’d done that day.

“You have my word,” she added. “I won’t tell anyone.”

He smiled, although it was more of a grimace, and pressed a button to adjust the bed. The top half shifted until he was sitting up.

“Thank you, River,” he said.

She was actively ignoring the way hearing him say her name made her feel because she needed to concentrate on how he’d ended up here. Doing so was surprisingly difficult, but she couldn’t focus on why that was.

“As you so astutely pointed out earlier, I was shot,” Nikhail said calmly, as if he were telling her that the sky was blue. As if this was normal, and these types of things happened to him on a regular basis.

Wait.

Did they happen to him on a regular basis? Was he in and out of hospitals all the time? She’d never heard him mention a serious injury like this in the past, but maybe he was just good at hiding them? Was that why he was covered in scars?

Her fingers dug into her arms, and she paced in front of the bed. Back and forth, she wore a trail on the tile. She had to keep moving because focusing on where she was putting her feet was better than yelling at the injured fae. He was still healing from a gunshot wound, after all.

“Yes, I’m aware,” she clipped .

Watching Doctor Marvish dig a bullet out of Nikhail’s stomach had been one of the worst experiences of River’s life. Her heart had plummeted to her feet when the surgeon had announced the presence of over a dozen prohiberis-laced shards of shrapnel in the wound.

The magic-blocking metal had been stopping Nikhail’s fae healing, and it would’ve killed him if they hadn’t gotten every single piece out.

The clink of each bloody shard hitting the bottom of the glass jar would forever be seared into River’s memory.

She’d always carry the fear that had coursed through her veins as the doctors had dug through Nikhail’s insides, trying not to touch his vital organs, as they searched for every last piece of metal poised to kill him.

It had been the worst kind of treasure hunt, and she’d had a front-row seat. Her heart had ached the entire time they’d been in the operating room, threatening to shatter into a million pieces if Nikhail didn’t survive.

His piercing amber eyes seemed to follow her every movement, as if he couldn’t pull his gaze from her any more than she could stop looking at him.

“River.” Her name sounded like a prayer, and gods help her, something within her softened.

She paused mid-step. “Yes?”

He pushed himself up on his elbows, even though moving was definitely not recommended yet, and patted the mattress. “Please sit.”

If Nikhail were a regular patient, she would never consider taking him up on the offer. Sitting on a patient’s bed was completely out of bounds. But then again, if he were a regular patient, she wouldn’t be here with him hours after her shift had ended .

No, whatever she and Nikhail had was far from regular. River had accepted this long ago, even though they could never be more.

And so, even though River knew it was a bad idea on a multitude of levels, she crossed her arms and delicately perched on the edge of Nikhail’s bed. Her back was ramrod straight, and her shoulders were back, the posture having been drilled into her from the moment she could walk.

Waterborns were poised. Waterborns were graceful. Waterborns did not slouch, nor did they relax.

A long moment passed before something warm brushed across the back of her hand. A jolt of awareness spread through her as Nikhail tugged on her fingers. He lifted them from the crook of her arm, his soft touch verging on reverent as he slowly uncrossed her arms for her.

Why was she letting him do this? Why wasn’t she hopping off the bed and running in the other direction? Why wasn’t she saying anything? She was certain he would stop if she asked him to.

It would’ve been the right thing to do… but River wasn’t ready to do that. She wasn’t ready to get up, nor was she ready to leave.

Gods help her, but even though Nikhail was an awful patient, she was the one toeing a dangerous line.

It was one thing to seek him out for help with her magic. That had been an emergency. It was another thing entirely to allow him to touch her like this. Like he cared about her. Like she was more than just his best friend’s little sister.

Her curse pulsed in her veins, reminding her that this was a bad idea. That she was a danger to everyone, including Nikhail.

He finished uncrossing her arms, but instead of releasing her hand, he trailed his fingers down her arm.

Every touch, every whisper of his skin against hers, had her wishing for more.

Needing more. Her body strained, urging her to get closer to him, and a soul-deep need roared to life within her.

She’d been ignoring it for years, but it had always been there.

An ember, burning low in her soul since the day they first met.

She sucked in a sharp breath, shaken to her core. Who knew a single touch could be so powerful?

And he… he was still touching her. He ran his fingers down the length of her arm. All she could do was watch, her breath caught in her throat, as he got to her hand and laced their fingers together.

They fit so perfectly. As if they were always meant to go together. As if they’d been designed that way. What did this mean? Was he just touching her to help her stay calm, or did this mean more to him?

She had no idea, and for once in her life, words were escaping her.