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Nikhail shook his head. “Maybe they’re too good for this world.” The sweeping continued, a steady, grounding sensation. “I don’t know, but it isn’t fair.”

“No, it isn’t.” Lila’s face flashed through River’s mind. Strawberry-blonde hair, blue eyes, and a smattering of freckles across her nose. Her perpetual smile, despite her circumstances. “If I hadn’t gotten in trouble, I could’ve been there for Lila. I could’ve helped her.”

I could’ve saved her.

The unspoken words echoed through her mind.

“River—”

“I spent months studying for this surgery, Nik.” Scrubbing a hand over her face, she once again wished she could go back in time and fix all of this.

“I looked at all the angles, all the ways it could go wrong, and prepped for every single scenario. I was ready . If they’d let me be there, I could’ve saved Lila from death’s clutches. ”

She pulled back her hand and shuddered. “If I’d been better, if I’d been earlier, I could’ve stopped this.”

She could’ve held death at bay.

The problem was that River was exceedingly familiar with death in a way that most people weren’t. For most people, it was a visitor. It came to them a few times in their life, taking their loved ones away.

But River was different.

She’d known death intimately for nearly a decade. It was her unwanted companion, and it never left her side. With each pulse of her curse, each wave of magic that rolled through her veins, she was reminded that death’s cold arms remained nearby.

Many species called the Republic of Balance their home, and most of them were blessed with magic, save humans and those born Without.

A large number of gifts given to magic-wielders were inherently geared towards life. Earth Elves, Light Elves, witches, and shifters all had blessings that encouraged life to flourish.

That was the same for most fae. Fire, water, earth, and air fae all got their magic from the land. It was inherently balanced…

Or at least, it was supposed to be.

River’s magic didn’t work like that. It was different. Out-of-balance. She’d known this to be true from the moment her magic first revealed itself.

She was a water fae, like the rest of her family, but her power had a dark edge. It was cold, like raging waters during a frigid winter storm. Bitter and biting, lacking all sense of warmth.

And on that pivotal, horrendous night nearly a decade ago, when River had only been two years older than Lila, her magic had flooded out of her. The never-ending tempest had ravaged the land, and death had been there. Waiting. Eager to collect the souls she provided it.

Not just one or two. Not even a dozen.

That wretched night, thousands of souls had entered death’s embrace because of River. She had accidentally unleashed her curse on helpless humans, and even though Ryker had shown up to help her reel in the storm, it had been too late.

Some people ushered in life, but not River.

She was a bringer of death, and darkness was ingrained in her very being. Even though she’d fought against and run from her fate for nearly a decade, last night had proven that she would never be fast enough. She would never escape death. Not really.

Cursed, indeed.

Nikhail’s hand lifted off River’s knee, but before she could mourn its departure, the mattress dipped. He pressed a tissue into her hands, which she brought to her cheeks.

Damp.

She hadn’t even realized she was crying, yet the comforter was a dark green beneath her.

An arm wrapped around her. Anchoring her.

River blotted her cheeks with the tissue, sniffling as her back met Nikhail’s warm chest. He tugged her until their legs lined up—his above the covers, hers beneath them.

He rested his chin on her head, the movement so natural that, for a moment, she almost forgot that this was all they could ever be. Friends, nothing more.

That was how it had always been, and that was how it would always be.

For the longest moment, neither of them spoke.

The logs in the hearth crackled, and Nikhail’s scent swirled around her, calming her in a way she still wasn’t prepared to address.

She tried to pull away from him, tried to remind herself that this was wrong, and she needed to stay away from him to keep him safe, but she couldn’t make herself move.

Not yet , that soul-deep yearning within her pleaded. Just a few more minutes .

River must’ve still been weak after releasing so much magic last night because she relented. She remained by Nikhail’s side, letting his touch seep into her.

“The winds whisper to me,” Nikhail murmured after several moments had passed.

Unsure of where he was going with this, she tilted up her head, her eyes sweeping over him. “Oh?”

“They tell me all sorts of secrets.” He tucked a lock of hair that had escaped her bun behind her ear, his thumb brushing her neck. Tingles raced through her, and she pressed herself more firmly against him. “Did you know that?”

She shook her head, but it didn’t surprise her. Nikhail had always been a man of secrets. She didn’t even know what he did in the military, other than working alongside Ryker in some capacity.

Nikhail shifted, and she could’ve sworn that his lips ghosted the crown of her head. The touch was gone as quickly as it had appeared, though, and it must’ve been the product of her imagination.

“They do,” he said. “Some of their secrets are new, but others are old. Ancient, even.”

Her brows creased. “I’m not sure I understand, Nik.”

What did this have to do with her curse or the storm last night?

A chuckle rumbled through him, and gods, she loved how it felt. “The land has always required balance, River. Our magic cannot exist without it.”

“I know that.” Every fae child learned about the specifics of their magic from a young age.

If Nikhail was upset by the way she’d interrupted him, he didn’t show it. “The winds often talk of a time when the balance was broken. A time where death reigned, and darkness swept through the lands.”

“The Four Kingdoms.” River chewed on the inside of her lip. “Yes, I remember.”

Everyone knew that the High Ladies of Life and Death had restored the balance and banished the darkness. They’d fought valiantly alongside their mates, restoring the balance that gave the Republic its name.

“Good.” Nikhail sounded pleased, and gods help her, her core heated. It was official, her body was a turncoat. It liked this man far too much. “Life and death exist hand in hand. Of all the secrets that have been shared with me, all the stories I’ve been told, that is one of the only constants.”

She blew out a long breath, staring at the hearth on the other side of the room. “But?—”

Nikhail covered her hand with his. “Death cannot be stopped, River. No one, not even you, can do it. It doesn’t matter how hard you try.” His voice softened. “And I know you’re trying.”

He was right; she was trying so incredibly hard. But it wasn’t enough. Constantly running from a cursed fate wasn’t easy, and it felt like she was losing a battle with herself.

Last night had been bad, but what if one day, she lost control completely? What if one day, no amount of steady breathing or calming words could bring her back from the brink? What if one day, she lost herself to the darkness entirely and death devoured her from the inside out?

“I’m exhausted, Nik,” she admitted. The words were a faint whisper as they slipped from her lips. She didn’t even realize he heard them until a finger raised her chin.

Those soul-seeing eyes drilled into hers. “I know, but I’m here for you. I’ll help you.”

It sounded like he was referring to a role as more than just her brother’s best friend. But she must’ve been mishearing things because they couldn’t do that. They couldn’t be anything more.

“I can’t ask that of you, Nik.” Frowning, she shook her head. “You have a life. What if you’re at work, or out, or on a date, or?—”

“No what-ifs, River.” His arms wound around her, pulling her tighter against his chest. It was like a furnace was blazing inside him, toasting her from the inside out.

This was wrong, she knew that. She should pull away and put space between them, but she didn’t. This felt good. Right in a way that something as forbidden as this shouldn’t.

She protested, “But?—”

This time, she was certain she didn’t imagine the way his lips pressed against her head.

“Stop fighting me on this, River,” he murmured against her hair. “I promise, I will always be there for you.”

And even though the way he made her feel was forbidden, even though she should’ve left the moment she woke up, River let herself believe Nikhail.

Despite the curse running through her veins, despite their age difference and the fact that they were just friends and nothing more, he would help bear some of her curse’s burden.

For once, her magic’s crushing weight didn’t feel as heavy.