Page 163 of Where Darkness Falls

“That’s not how her curse works,” he seethes.

“I wish you would’ve told me that the Blue Lady was yourmother,” I grumble.

“Would it have made a difference?” Emyr retorts.

I tug my arm free of his grasp. “It would’ve prepared me at least for the possibility of meeting her,” I reply.

He doesn’t stop walking or slow his pace. I jog to keep up with his long gait.

“For what it’s worth,” I say, “it doesn’t make me think less of you. On the contrary, I’m sad for everything you’ve endured.”

Emyr growls, “I don’t want or need your pity.”

I grimace, starlight coiling around my hands. “Then what do you need, Emyr?” I yell. “It’s exhausting trying to understand what we are.”

Emyr flinches as shadows leak in thick tendrils, as his emotions heighten. Holding out his hand, he summons Danté. “Then stop trying,” he barks.

As he swings onto Danté’s back, I reach for him, only for him to back pedal Danté out of my grasp. “What’s gotten into you?” I ask. “We’ll get through this together.”

Emyr scoffs. “Did you believe we’d be together? I’ve kept things from you, and every time something from my life comes to light, all I see is the sorrow in your eyes. All I’ve ever done is hurt you, and I… I don’t know how to be anything more than what I am. The sooner you come to terms with that… the better.”

I stumble back, my face growing hot in my retreat. “You’re being cruel,” I whisper. “Just because you believe that we won’t work doesn’t mean that I do.”

Emyr winces, and for a moment I believe I see a tinge of regret. However, that’s short-lived as he rides off into the night, without another word… leaving me far behind. Not once does he glance back to see if I’m still watching. Perhaps he already knows that I am and doesn’t wish to see me. I don’t stop the tears that fall freely as my heart fractures. I cry for how his declaration affects me, and for the Galrosan that believes all his sins make him undeserving, when it’s the furthest thing from the truth.

A strong hand grabs my shoulder. I tilt my head down to hide my face from him. “He’ll come around,” Laisren whispers.

I sigh, wiping my eyes. “Did you know?” I ask.

“No,” Laisren replies. “Emyr just…” He trails off, trying to find the right words. “He takes a long time to open up about the situations he’s endured. His mother has always been a sore spot for him… Now I know why.”

“How do we help him?” I inquire.

The typically taciturn Second Commander sighs heavily, running a hand through his platinum-blonde, disheveled hair—looking off into the distance. Worry lines crease his brow, as his lips turn into a deep frown. “We can’t assist him until he’s ready to help himself,” he replies. “The most we can do for now is to allow him the space to think.”

My heart plummets at the thought of him wrestling with this alone. What if he continues to believe the lies that he’s been told his entire life? What if he recedes so far within himself that he can’t find his way back from the darkness this time? What if?—

Seeing my mental distress, Laisren gently wraps his arms around me in what I assume is meant to be a comforting hug. His body is so stiff, like the action is foreign to him. I’m so stunned by his comfort that I don’t return the gesture. “He’ll come around, Maeva,” he reassures me. “He always does.”

Releasing me, he shares a forced half smile as he summons his own horse. Laisren chews on the side of his lip, his eyes shifting to Riordan and Virgil sitting on their steeds several yards away. He moves in closer, almost as if he doesn’t want them to overhear what he has to say. “I worry about him and the darkness he carries, but I think that you bring him peace. I’ve never seen him truly happy in all our years in service together,” he whispers. “At least that was the truth until he met you. I just ask that you don’t give up on him.”

I offer a sad smile, which placates him enough to mount his own horse. The devotion and care for his friend reminds me so much of Cara’s tenacious loyalty to me and our family.

The thought of them splinters my heart. Everything I’ve done is to bring them back, except falling for Emyr. He’s the one selfish decision I’ve made in the last ten years. However, when the time comes and I have my family, will I be able to go back to Aurelius—to the floral shop—and leave him in my past?

Laisren holds out a hand. “Shall we?” he asks.

I nod, accepting his assistance up onto his mount. Riding with Laisren is different than when I’m with Emyr. I feel protected with Laisren, but there’s not a strange warmth in my gut, nor do I feel the need to lean back into his embrace. Laisren, ever the gentleman, keeps his arms out on either side of us, so as to not graze me unintentionally.

As we race through the woods, I ponder the relationship I’ve established with Emyr and this group. The thought of them serving Tiernan after I’m gone causes my stomach to churn. It’s the first time I’ve admitted to myself that I refuse to let them continue in this empty existence.

They’re my family as much as the Cales.

I know what I must do: I’ll find a way to untether them from the treacherous king, even if it costs my own freedom.

I pacewithin one of the abandoned elven hovels. The kenopsia of the once lively village reminds just how drastically Zulgalros has changed. My breathing is rapid as I feel the veins in my neck popping out with each bated sigh. I squeeze my eyes shut, rubbing my temple.

I shouldn’t have left her there.