Page 42

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Somin lowered her head, but not before Junu saw the glint of tears in her eyes.

“I don’t like seeing you unhappy,” Junu admitted. “Which you might find hard to believe. But at least believe that I’m an observant person. I see that you hide your own unhappiness so you can focus on Jihoon, and it’s rotting your soul,” Junu said, reaching forward to catch one of her tears with his finger. Somin pushed his hand away and rubbed at her face with her sleeve. It should have looked like a petulant motion, but it just made Junu want to hold her. Why did she bring out this protective feeling in him? He knew she didn’t need his protection. But if hecouldprotect her, he knew it would make him feel good, like he was somehow proving himself? But to whom?

“You’re so dramatic,” Somin said. “‘Rotting your soul’! We’re not in an Edgar Allan Poe poem.”

“Ah, what a nice reference,” Junu said. “You’re paying attention in class.”

“I know what you’re doing,” Somin said. “You’re trying to distract me from my worries by being annoying.”

“Is it working?” Junu asked with a wry grin.

She cracked a smile, and he knew it was.

18

“YOU WANT COFFEE?”Junu asked, and it was such a sudden shift in the conversation that Somin blinked in confusion.

“Come on, I’ll make you a latte.” Junu led the way to his kitchen, and Somin had no choice but to follow him. Her eyes slid to the door to the library before she rushed after him.

“I didn’t come here to socialize,” Somin said.

“Of course you didn’t,” Junu said, starting up the espresso machine. He held out the first mug, and when she reached for it, he held on a moment. “What do you wish to accomplish in this life?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Somin frowned.

Junu shrugged and finally let go of the mug. “It’s something someone asked me once. I think it means what’s your most secret, selfish desire.”

“I want to leave,” Somin said. It surprised her to hear those words coming out of her own lips. She never thought she’d say them aloud. Like speaking about it would feed it. And she’d spent so long waiting for the desire to die from malnutrition.

“Where would you go?” Junu asked as he picked up the other mug and took a sip.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Just somewhere that wasn’t here. Somewhere I couldexperience.”

Junu smiled. “I think I know what you mean. That’s not so selfish. It seems like a good wish.”

She shook her head and put her mug on the counter. She was suddenly feeling too wired for coffee. “That’s all it is. A wish. It’ll never become reality. I could never leave my mother and Jihoon all alone.”

“I don’t think you give them enough credit. You can all survive without each other for a little while.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Somin said, shaking her head.

That seemed to darken Junu’s mood. He lowered his eyes. “Perhaps not.”

Had she hurt him? It was so strange, this feeling that he had... well, feelings. But it was ridiculous to think her words had any power over him. Still, a guilt rooted deep within her, and Somin hated to feel like she’d somehow hurt someone unless she’d deliberately meant to.

“You’re brave for helping Miyoung,” Somin said, hoping it turned Junu’s mood.

“Where’s that coming from?” Junu asked.

Somin shrugged. “Even though you annoy me, it doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge when you do something good.”

Junu laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, I don’t need your compliments. I know I never do anything good. I’m much better at being bad.” He winked, and it made her insides squeeze.

“You say that like it’s a good thing.”

“Well, I’ve never heard anyone complain,” he said with a sly grin.

“You know, there are only three kinds of people who are so self-absorbed: assholes, people who are genuinely oblivious, and people trying to hide some kind of pain.”