Page 119
Story: Vicious Spirits
“Wow.” Somin let out a choked laugh. “Hell must have frozen over for you to say that.”
“Well, I’ve learned that the dokkaebi talks so much that statistically he has to get some things right.”
Somin laughed again, and she wiped away the last of her tears. “What was he right about?”
“You have to stop holding back what you feel just to take care of the rest of us. I don’t need it. Your mom doesn’t need it. Miyoung doesn’t need it.”
“I just... I don’t want to waste any time.”
“Why would living our own lives be wasting time?” Jihoon frowned.
“When my dad was alive, I don’t think I ever really appreciated him the way he deserved. And then he was just gone. I feel like I never realized how important he was to me until he wasn’t there anymore. And I just don’t want to lose out on the chance to make important memories with the people I love.”
“Oh, Somin.” Jihoon leaned forward and enfolded her in his arms. She wanted to push him away, she felt so embarrassed by the words that had come flooding out of her. Like those of a frightened child. But she couldn’t hide it anymore. It was like all the fear she’d felt this summer had barreled through the walls that had always kept this hidden.
She pulled out of Jihoon’s arms, averting her face. “I don’t know where the worry comes from. It’s just always been there.”
Jihoon nodded. “Even when my parents left me, I knew they were still alive out there somewhere. I knew that they weren’t completely gone from my life, no matter how much it felt like that. But now... after Halmeoni died, and now that my father’s really gone...”
Somin raised horrified eyes to him. She hadn’t meant to unlock this pain for him.
She started to say that they didn’t have to talk about this right now.
But Jihoon saw her expression and laid a hand on her shoulder.Comforting her even as she saw the tears pooling in his eyes. “I think I get it,” he said. “I wish every day that I’d realized how much Halmeoni did for me. And I regret every day that I wasn’t able to tell her that I’m so proud she’s the one who raised me. I think I do fear it a bit, losing you. Because I love you so much, too.”
That did it. The tears that Somin had been holding back this whole time rushed forward.
She leaned into him, and they held each other. “But,” he said into her hair, “I also trust you. And I know I can trust that if you do go, you’ll always come back someday.”
Somin pulled back in confusion. “I never said I wanted to go anywhere.”
“I’m your best friend,” Jihoon said. “You don’t think I can tell you want to leave this place as soon as we graduate?”
“Not forever,” Somin said quickly, like she had to defend this secret dream of hers.
“I know.” Jihoon nodded reassuringly. “And I think you should tell your mother.”
“It’s not the right time.” She could feel nervous flutters in her stomach at just the thought.
“If you keep putting it off, then you’ll never tell her.”
“What if she gets upset?”
“You’ve had fights with your mother before,” Jihoon said.
“I just don’t know how to leave her,” Somin said. “What if I leave and then something happens to her?”
“What if you stay and you start to resent her?” Jihoon asked.
Somin pouted because she couldn’t argue against that logic.
“Talk to her,” Jihoon said. “Don’t have regrets.”
“When did you become so bossy?” Somin asked. “I don’t think I like it.”
Jihoon laughed. “I love you, Lee Somin.”
“I know,” Somin said.
“Well, I’ve learned that the dokkaebi talks so much that statistically he has to get some things right.”
Somin laughed again, and she wiped away the last of her tears. “What was he right about?”
“You have to stop holding back what you feel just to take care of the rest of us. I don’t need it. Your mom doesn’t need it. Miyoung doesn’t need it.”
“I just... I don’t want to waste any time.”
“Why would living our own lives be wasting time?” Jihoon frowned.
“When my dad was alive, I don’t think I ever really appreciated him the way he deserved. And then he was just gone. I feel like I never realized how important he was to me until he wasn’t there anymore. And I just don’t want to lose out on the chance to make important memories with the people I love.”
“Oh, Somin.” Jihoon leaned forward and enfolded her in his arms. She wanted to push him away, she felt so embarrassed by the words that had come flooding out of her. Like those of a frightened child. But she couldn’t hide it anymore. It was like all the fear she’d felt this summer had barreled through the walls that had always kept this hidden.
She pulled out of Jihoon’s arms, averting her face. “I don’t know where the worry comes from. It’s just always been there.”
Jihoon nodded. “Even when my parents left me, I knew they were still alive out there somewhere. I knew that they weren’t completely gone from my life, no matter how much it felt like that. But now... after Halmeoni died, and now that my father’s really gone...”
Somin raised horrified eyes to him. She hadn’t meant to unlock this pain for him.
She started to say that they didn’t have to talk about this right now.
But Jihoon saw her expression and laid a hand on her shoulder.Comforting her even as she saw the tears pooling in his eyes. “I think I get it,” he said. “I wish every day that I’d realized how much Halmeoni did for me. And I regret every day that I wasn’t able to tell her that I’m so proud she’s the one who raised me. I think I do fear it a bit, losing you. Because I love you so much, too.”
That did it. The tears that Somin had been holding back this whole time rushed forward.
She leaned into him, and they held each other. “But,” he said into her hair, “I also trust you. And I know I can trust that if you do go, you’ll always come back someday.”
Somin pulled back in confusion. “I never said I wanted to go anywhere.”
“I’m your best friend,” Jihoon said. “You don’t think I can tell you want to leave this place as soon as we graduate?”
“Not forever,” Somin said quickly, like she had to defend this secret dream of hers.
“I know.” Jihoon nodded reassuringly. “And I think you should tell your mother.”
“It’s not the right time.” She could feel nervous flutters in her stomach at just the thought.
“If you keep putting it off, then you’ll never tell her.”
“What if she gets upset?”
“You’ve had fights with your mother before,” Jihoon said.
“I just don’t know how to leave her,” Somin said. “What if I leave and then something happens to her?”
“What if you stay and you start to resent her?” Jihoon asked.
Somin pouted because she couldn’t argue against that logic.
“Talk to her,” Jihoon said. “Don’t have regrets.”
“When did you become so bossy?” Somin asked. “I don’t think I like it.”
Jihoon laughed. “I love you, Lee Somin.”
“I know,” Somin said.
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