Page 118

She’d tried to throw herself back into school as it started up again in mid-August. But today was Sunday and she was stuck with nothing but her brooding thoughts at home.

“You know, if you pick up your feet, you won’t make that annoying shuffling noise,” Jihoon said from the couch as Somin came out of the kitchen.

“You know, you’re not actually a permanent resident of this house, and I’d be happy to relocate you onto the balcony,” Somin bit back.

“I hate mopey-Somin. She’s so mean.” Jihoon pouted and went back to surfing the channels on the television. He stopped at a weekend drama, the soapy kind with melodramatic story lines and lots of slapping and water thrown in faces.

“I can’t believe you watch these,” Somin said, flopping onto the couch beside him. She hadn’t changed out of her pajamas yet even though it was almost noon. She just didn’t see the point.

“Miyoung got me hooked on them. Girl loves her dramas.”

“Where is she? You two have been glued at the hip these days.”

“She’s going to her mother’s grave. Said she needed to be alone for it.”

Somin nodded. She knew what it was like to need to be alone for these things. Sometimes she went to see her father in the columbarium alone. She didn’t tell her mother because she didn’t know if she’d be upset to know how often Somin went.

She’d gone this week. She’d felt her father that day on the mountain. And somehow, she was sure her father had helped her hold on to Junu.

“Have you seen Junu at all?” she asked. She hated that the question made her sound so pathetic.

“No,” Jihoon said. “But when he’s ready, I’m sure he’ll reach out.”

“I’m not so sure of that,” Somin said.

“He cares about you,” Jihoon said. His teeth gritted, like he was reluctant to say the words. “Even I can see that. He didn’t do what he did just for me. He did it because of how he feels about you. That doesn’t just go away.”

“He’s lived a dozen lifetimes; maybe love means something different to him.”

Jihoon shrugged. “Maybe,” he admitted. “But I don’t think you should give up on him.”

“I don’t know if I have your annoying tenacity,” Somin said. “If someone doesn’t want me around, then I can take the hint.”

“That’s not the Lee Somin I know,” Jihoon said with a frown. “You never give up on people.”

“Even I get tired sometimes. I can’t fight for everyone’s soul.”

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon said.

“Why? It’s not your fault.”

“I think it is. After all, I’m the one you’ve been fighting for the past fifteen years. And I think it’s time you stopped.”

“What?” Somin’s heart lurched. A queasiness settled in her stomach. “I don’t understand.”

“Somin-ah,” Jihoon said quietly. “Why did you lie to me about remembering your father?”

“Because I didn’t want to hurt you,” Somin said slowly. She didn’t know if she wanted to dig this up, but she knew that she wanted to stop keeping secrets.

“Why would you think that would hurt me?”

“Because you had such horrible memories of your own father. It felt like I’d be flaunting my good memories if I told you I remembered. But I do remember him. And I miss him every day.” Tears fell down her cheeks, hot against her skin.

“Somin-ah, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you back then.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Well, no matter whose fault, I’m here now. And Junu was right.”