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I nod my head, “I figured that’d be best for everyone.”
“Do-does the club know?”
“No, sugar. I told ya’ I protect what’s mine. Only Duke and Shanna know, plus Federico. He was the one who gathered intel from the cemetery workers. I won’t put you through that baby girl, even though whatever we were building collapsed between us.”
“Someday you’re going to regret this moment. The moment you watched me walk away. It might be in twenty days or twenty years but mark my words, Rog. You’re gonna be alone with nothing but a heart full of memories and the bitter taste of regret on your tongue as you wonder how in the fuck you ended up alone in that secret cabin of yours without even a goddamn pet for company,” she mutters turning on her heel and walking away in the moonlight.
She doesn’t turn back to look at me, not even once, for if she did—she’d see tears leaking from my eyes. I laugh bitterly tasting them. I don’t ever remember crying—even as a kid.
She’s right—so goddamn right, but my feet won’t move. I’ve made my choice, knowing I’ll live with it.
Somehow.
I can’t sleep. I didn’t want to shower before bed, wanting to leave his smell on me until it fades on its own. He smelled of leather and bourbon and felt like home. I can’t sleep in my bed without remembering how it felt to sleep with him in it.
I sigh snuggling under the thick comforter, my back aching from lying on this worn couch for a week.
My cell rings on the coffee table and I reach for it without even checking the caller. Only Luce would call me at 2 a.m. anyway.
“‘Lo?”
My stomach clenches at the voice I know as well as my own, “Dev?”
“Jeff? Are you out of your mind? Why are you calling me?”
“Please, don’t hang up. Please… I’m begging you. I know I screwed up. I just need to get this off my chest…”
“I’m not interested in the ‘whys’ months later.”
“I know. I j-just miss you. You were such a big part of my life.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when people break-up Jeff. They go their separate ways and you forget about all that.”
“I can’t. She doesn’t understand me like you do.”
She?
“Look Jeff, I don’t know what’s going on with you but I have enough on my plate right now. Please don’t call me again.”
“She’s pregnant.”
“Who? Who’s pregnant Jeff?”
“My new girlfriend. The entire time she was telling me… all I could think about is that it should’ve been you. It should’ve been us having a baby.”
“You’re right it could’ve been. But it’s not. I-I’m sorry I can’t be the one you talk to about this,” I groan burying my head under the duvet wishing this past week was all just a hellacious dream. I don’t hang up. I don’t even know why. I’m just silent as he talks in hushed tones; filling me in on his life since we parted ways. His voice is like an old pair of jeans: sometimes they’re worn and comfortable, other times, the fit is just too tight—either way you’ll always love them.
Listening to him takes my mind of my own heartache as he tells me about Evelyn: A shy soft-spoken girl who’s blonde and blue eyed and nothing at all like me.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I don’t love her. Not in the way I loved you.”
“If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have let me go. I think you should try to at least work things out with her. Especially since she’s keeping the baby.”
I wait for jealousy to come, it’s fleeting then it’s gone. I don’t want Jeff anymore but talking to him reminds me how strong a bond we had before we pulled the plug.
“Okay, so maybe I do want to hear what happened between us.”