Page 76

“I-I didn’t want to come inside,” she shrugs folding her arms over her chest.
“Your paycheck is on my desk. Federico can get it for you,” I reply moving to open the door she’s leaning on.
“I didn’t come here for money.”
“Well, what did you come here for then? There’s nothing here for you other than that.”
Her shoulders slump, “How was I so wrong about you?”
“No. How was I so wrong aboutyou?” I snarl ripping my door open, forcing her outta the way. My head turns in her direction, but I can’t look at her as I bite out, “You didn’t trust me. I was your man, darlin’. You should’ve told me,” I shake my head.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers looking at her feet, “but I’m nothing like her. I’m just me. I’m still me, Rog.” She places a pleading hand on the sleeve of my coat.
“Really? ‘Cause lookin’ me in the eye while I moved inside you, lookin’ at you like you were my new world—and you, YOU—just kept your secrets to yourself. Hell, I was bearin’ my soul to ya’ girl. I gave you more than any woman while you just took my heart and crushed it.”
“You’ve got it all wrong, Rog. You wrecked me. You just ran past me, like I meant NOTHING?! Like we meant,nothing.”
“That’s because we areNOTHING, now, baby girl. Whatever we were startin’—it’s done—over.”
“Don’t say that. We can fix this.”
“We shouldn’t need to. We’ve just begun, and we need to fix this?” I gesture between us, “That’s the thing, darlin’ I learned that lesson a long time ago… hell maybe that’s why I never had many relationships—when there are problems early—you fold. No sense in playin’ a losin’ hand.”
“Just let me in. Don’t shut me out.”
I look down at her beautiful face still full of hope. I shake my head sadly. “I can’t darlin’. Trust and loyalty mean everything to me. I’ve built my life on those two things. Creed lives by it. I’d be dead by now if I gave everyone a second chance. It’s just how I am. I don’t do them. No matter how much I might want to,” I tell her softening the blow by cupping her cheek one last time.
“Look, I admit I fucked-up. I didn’t know you when we first met. I didn’t know any of you—but what I did know was how much all of you still held onto your bitterness decades after she died. Why can’t you just let it go?”
“I did. I have. It’s not about her, sugar. It’s about you; knowing your secrets, keeping them while makin’ me fall in love with you. I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore.”
“I don’t need a promise for forever. I just need you to promise me tonight,” she whispers cupping my jaw, stroking my soft beard in her tiny hands.
“You don’t know what you are saying. I can look past who you are but there might be others who can’t. There’s still a lot of people in this town with long memories and hard hearts where Dee Dee Stanton’s concerned. Besides, maybe I just wasn’t meant for love. I’ve gone so long without it and survived. The only thing that’s ahead for me are harsh winters and lonely nights. But in a way; I welcome them. It’s what I know. It’s who I am.”
“You might think that the best years are behind you but that doesn’t mean they actually are. What if… what if we are each other’s happy ending?”
“Life isn’t a fairy tale sweetheart and I ain’t no prince.”
“No, it’s not. That’s why I’m choosing to take what’s right in front of me. I’m not afraid and I don’t care if people talk. Let them talk. YOU. You make me so goddamn happy. My heart sings every time you smile and the lines crinkle from the corner of your eyes. Every time you laugh low in your throat, my tummy flutters and when you look at me when you don’t think I’m looking—my knees get weak. No, you’re not a prince, you—are an ogre. A grumpy old toad with a kick ass body and heart of gold. So, what’s it going to be? Are you afraid of this because I have the genes of a she-devil in my blood?” She gestures between us, “Are we going to go our separate ways… never knowing what could be?”
“Don’t. Don’t do this sweetheart…,” I break off in gruff whisper.
“Whatever. You stubborn fool.”
She turns to leave, but I grab her hand, “I don’t want you mixed up in the life I chose to live. The club… we still got enemies. You would be a target, sugar. I can’t—won’t see you get hurt. For what? A fling? A love affair doomed from the start?”
“How can you say that? You don’t know that. And we were more than a fling. We could be so much more…. ” She breaks off.
“I do know. I’m too old for you Devon. Christ, you deserve a man with the best years ahead of him not the worst. When I look at you, I see a woman who deserves a goddamn picket fence and a golden retriever.”
“I’m allergic to dogs.”
I laugh pulling her close. She feels so sweet; so right. I sigh, closing my eyes and savoring the moment because I know I can’t let it last. I breathe her in, she smells like lavender and honey and feels like home.
“Ah, Devon, girl. If things were different—you’d be in my bed tonight.”
A tear leaks from her eye and runs down her cheek. “No one ever wants me. Why should I be surprised? My own damn mother never gave a shit. I quit. I can’t work for you anymore.”