Page 74

I CAN’T REMEMBER A TIME in my life when I felt like this. She hit me so hard; my heart’s become a twisted piece of metal only suitable for a junk yard.
Maybe it’s my fault for going all in; for believing I finally deserved something good after all the shit I’ve done in my life.
I never saw this coming.
Shit, who could’ve?
I take the steaks I had marinating out of the fridge. I can’t go to Sassy’s tonight. It’ll hurt too much.
Dev got in everywhere.
I can’t escape her at work, on my favorite jogging trail, hell I can’t even sleep since she invades my dreams.
How am I gonna escape this heartache?
The screen door slams behind me as I carry my dinner out to the grill.
Love’s a bitch and now I remember why I always ran from it. My cell rings and I tense half, wishing it’s her and half hoping it’s not.
“Shanna?”
“You okay?”
“I’m just peachy darlin’.”
“You understand why she didn’t tell you, right?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. “No. Actually, I don’t have a goddamn clue.”
“Men never do,” she sighs.
“Watch it, girl. I taught you how to ride a bike.”
“Duke—he’s not taking it well.”
I grunt, “Then me and him are in the same boat.”
“Just don’t do anything, stupid, Rog. See what she has to say.”
I’m silent and she knows.
“You didn’t give her a chance, did you?” She exhales, “I have enough on my hands dealing with Duke. I can’t hold your hand too. Come on Rog. Stop being a pussy and go for it for once. You think I don’t know that you are using this as an excuse to push her out? I think I just figured out why you’ve stayed single your whole life.”
“You don’t know jack shit, girl,” I bite out, hands clenched as I pace barefoot across my back deck, “I loved your mother. Loved her more than anyone but she never saw me.”
Shanna’s startled gasp stops me in my tracks. I’m a bastard taking out my frustration on her.
“I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m being an idiot.”
“Yeah, you kinda are. Is it true?”
“Yeah. I was young. She was my unrequited first love. If she had looked at me—I would’ve given her the world. But she didn’t. Life here was hard for her; it broke me to watch her fall apart. She loved you baby girl, but she needed to go. She couldn’t fly here. And she knew Pops would never let you go, too.”
“I-I’m sorry Rog. I just don’t see you with my mom. I see you with Devon. Make this right or I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“I’m not sure how. Trust is something I don’t give lightly. I gave it to Dev without question. I lost my head and I don’t like the way it feels.”
“I know. But look at me and Duke. No one had more obstacles to cross than the two of us.”