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I remembered when Tamson and Asher had searched for his body. It was difficult - the house had still been infested by Ragers - but they had done it for me. Unsurprisingly, their search was futile.

There was no body to be found. The Ragers had destroyed him so completely, so seamlessly, that nothing but bones and dried blood remained in the hallway.

Blood.

Like a dam cracking, I exploded. Sob after sob escaped me as I fell to my knees. Dirt collected on my bare knees, the black skirt of my dress riding up, and pebbles embedded themselves into my hands.

I felt warm arms surround me, and Fallon’s deep timbre whispered soothing, nonsensical pleasantries into my ear. Another body met the first, and I stared into Tamson’s eyes.

“It’s okay, Addie. Let it out. Let it out.”

“It hurts,” I cried out. My chest felt as if it was exploding; my heart battered against my rib cage, the pain excruciating.

The guys alternated holding me, brushing my hair out of my face, and dabbing at my eyes. Each of them cried with me, cried for their fallen brother.

Pain.

Pain everywhere.

It wasunbearable.

They said there was nothing you couldn’t survive, but those people had obviously not lost someone they loved.

It was running a race with no definitive ending. Your lungs burned, legs ached, but still you ran. Tears dropped from your eyes at the strain, but you never let up. It was that crippling disappointment when you reached where the finished line should’ve been and you saw nothing but forest. Alone. You were alone, running an endless race. The cycle continued until the pressure became too much and you succumbed to a fit of despair, succumbed to death.

I was running repeatedly in a never ending cycle, but the second I would’ve reached Calax, he disappeared like a damn mirage. I needed him like a drought needed rain. Without it, the land would die.

Iwould die.

There were no words to encapsulate the pain, the anguish, as I curled in on myself like yellowing paper and cried. Fallon spoke softly to the cross, to Calax, but his words were lost to me.

I was dimly aware of a new pair of arms, a smaller set, wrapping around me. It was enough of a shock to startle me out of my stupor. Glancing up, I met Nik’s dark eyes. He blinked at me, eyes shimmering with unshed tears, before he resumed his cautious holding. His hand limply patted my hair, the touch hesitant, but it was enough for me.

I held my little brother tighter against me, crying into his hair.

“I’m so sorry, Calax,” I whispered. “I love you.”