Page 118

Chapter 34

Addie

Iwoke up twice during the car ride back. The first time, I found myself sprawled on the backseat, my head in Ryder’s lap as his fingers combed through my hair. As if he felt my eyes on him, he glanced down, a small smile making his golden umber eyes twinkle.

“Kitten, you gave us quite the scare. Naughty, naughty girl.”

“Are you going to punish me?” I drawled dazedly. Honestly, I was still half asleep at that point.

“I’ll save that for Tamson. What do you prefer? Rope, chains, or paddle?”

“Why not all three?” I murmured, closing my eyes and inhaling his citrus scent. Before sleep could fully consume me, a loud, agonized cry came from the seat behind us. I attempted to look up, to see who made such a gut-wrenching, awful noise, but Ryder pressed his forehead against my own.

“Shhh…” he told me, lips brushing against my nose.

“Kai!” I recognized the voice now, but I’d never heard it like this. Never like this.

Doc.

He sounded as if he was inagony, not just pain. If I were to have my spleen ripped from my body then maybe, just maybe, I could replicate such a noise. Actually, I was pretty sure Ididmake that exact same sound before, after we had lost Calax. My agony had been almost palpable, settling heavily in the air like a storm cloud. I knew that my pain had drenched the others as well - my own melancholy rain storm hadn’t just remained above my head.

Ronan said something to Doc, too quiet for me to hear, but the man only released another wail.

The memory of Kai’s broken body bombarded my senses. It was all I could see, all I could smell, all I could think of. Had he suffered? Or was it a clean death?

The world was so bloody unfair at times. There were never any winners; just losers and bigger losers.

I could feel my own heart twisting, breaking, as Doc’s grief contaminated the air. It felt as if I had lost someone I loved myself.

That pain, the heartache, pulled me under once again.

* * *

The next timeI woke up, I was in Declan’s lap. He had yet to realize I was awake, so I took the uninterrupted moment to analyze him without self-consciousness. His faux hawk had grown out, but his brown hair was still cut short on the sides with the hair longer at the top. Light scruff coated his jawline, and his body had filled out underneath the guard suit he still wore.

I couldn’t believe I had gotten him back. Gotten Fallon back. Gotten Calax back. The moment was bittersweet, tainted by Kai’s death and Doc’s grief.

Finally, Declan turned down to stare at me, face softening slightly.

I lifted my arms up - an awkward feat considering I was lying with my head on Declan’s lap - and signed, “Hi, Ducky.”

“How are you feeling?” he signed back.

“Like shit. Like I was kidnapped by the fucking government and had gallons of my blood drawn. The usual.”

He chuckled soundlessly.

Continuing on, I added, “But when we get home, you’re feeding me pizza and chocolate cake. And then I’m getting a whole bunch of orgasms. In my humble opinion, getting kidnapped definitely calls for pizza, chocolate, and orgasms. And I don’t even care where we have to get it! Well...except for the orgasms. I don’t want just some random nobody plugging me with his electrical cord, if you know what I mean. But the pizza and chocolate cake? I’m pretty lenient. But Asher makes a pretty mean chocolate cake. I’ll even lay an egg if you need me to.”

Yup. I was rambling. It was an adorable quirk.

Declan shook his head at me, but his lips twitched, amused. The back of his hand brushed my cheek.

“I love you,” he signed before cupping my face tenderly. Reverently. His lips brushed mine, as light as a moth’s wing. A tease of a kiss.

The memory of my dream flitted through my mind. My garden. My men. Only this time, there were no storm clouds unleashing a torrent of rainfall. No decaying grass and weedy grounds.

“I love you too,” I replied, and his answering smile was luminescent. I would never get tired of saying - signing - those words. I knew they were true just as I knew my name was Addie. I loved them with every fiber of my demented, fucked-up being, and I knew they felt the same. Who would’ve thought we would find each other in a world where happy endings no longer existed?