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“Where?” she asked finally, a sudden waver in her tone. The enormity of the situation hadn’t escaped her either.
I put my head in my hand. “We started off at a restaurant in Tribeca and ended up at my place,” I admitted, feeling ridiculous. “Henry even called my boss a rat to his face. And Sean didn’t run for it. He stayed, talked to us, and before he left, he asked me if we could have a not-serious relationship. And I don’t know what to think about it.”
Why is the one man I feel attracted to the only man I ought to steer clear from?
When I looked up after a brief silence, Tess was taking a sip from her cup, a far-off look in her eyes. “Well, apart from the ridiculous name Henry called your boss last night, what are you worried about?”
My mouth went dry as I considered the possibilities—my anxiety ramping up every time I considered letting a man into my life, getting fired if Sean and I were found out, losing out oncareer opportunities because I’d be accused of sleeping with the boss to get ahead.
I took a sip of my coffee. “There’s a lot, to be honest.”
“I think you should go for it though. If he weren’t your boss, would you still want to go out with him?”
I reflected on it, and a newfound sense of relief took over. “Yes,” I breathed out.
Tess smiled. “Then, what’s holding you back? He’s not going to be your boss forever. You said it yourself, right? Amelia will be back at her job. If you and Sean still want to be together after six months, you’ll be free to do so.”
I blinked. I’d completely forgotten that this was a temporary job.
I’d been up front with Sean—a fling was all I could offer. I had no emotional strength left to ever get serious about a man again. If I had a fling with Sean, it would be easier to make a clean break when I stopped seeing him. Our professional time had a deadline, and once we stopped seeing each other privately, I’d never haunt the same restaurants or the same clubs.
I thought back to the kiss at the doorstep last night. To the way his hand had roamed my back, pulling me to him. And the way my breasts grazed his chest, awakening a desire in me that was so intense that when he pulled away, all I could think of was getting in bed with him again.
I’d felt free, I’d felt relaxed, and more importantly, I’d felt wanted. Romantically, sexually. I hadn’t felt wanted that way in ages.
“Thank you,” I said, feeling relieved. “That was just the pep talk I needed, Tess.”
She gave me a thumbs-up before demanding that I keep her posted and hung up.
Twenty minutes later, I left for work with my heart singing.
I checked my phone for the nth time that day. It was only the first day that Sean had been away from work, and while my day was lighter with fewer tasks, I missed his presence in the office. The gruff voice that became even gruffer when he spoke to me. The way his icy-brown eyes would pause on me before he had to turn to answer his phone. The well-defined jaw that made me compare him to Chris Hemsworth.
When I took the elevator to my floor, I remembered talking to him about his problems with Lucas, but also the way his fingers had grazed over mine while we stood side by side in the elevator.
This is more than missing, I thought, feeling embarrassed as the doors opened and I got out.
I remembered his words from the night before, asking me to go out with him. This turned out to be more than I could have expected—a fling with a man like him. Because I didn’t expect anything more from men. Dad had made me suspect that commitment and responsibility weren’t a man’s forte, and Bruce had confirmed it.
I wasn’t just afraid of dating. I was afraid of any kind of relationships, including friendships. I was afraid of asking too much from the people around me. I hated hearing no or being dismissed. Especially when I asked for so little in the first place.
A few hours earlier, Sean had texted me, asking me how I was, and I hadn’t responded yet. I was nervous about bringing up the question he’d asked me last night.
I stared at my personal notepad on my work desk. The first page was my New Year’s resolution for this year. There were three things I wanted—to get out of financial debt, to make time for myself to complete the PMP certification course, and to have fun.
Financial, professional, and personal goals. I hadn’t done the first two yet, and we were halfway through the year. How about fun? It sounded good.
I responded to Sean, telling him about my day and also slipping in a line that I was looking forward to Friday. The day he’d be back in New York. The day I’d tell him that I was ready for fun.
For the rest of the day, I checked my messages every ten minutes, eager for a message from Sean. It was frustratingly five p.m. before I got an email from Sean.
Sean:Please have five bouquets of flowers delivered to this address.
I stared at it, my heart beating rapidly. Was he really having flowers delivered to someone else?
I thought again about that kiss. Was Sean regretting it already? Now that he’d seen how different my life was from normal?
I closed my eyes tight.