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“Why does something feel off?” I mused aloud.
He looked confused, but I bit my lip and remained quiet. I couldn’t talk about Sean. I wouldn’t.
“I passed the PMP exam, but I can’t even bring myself to attend the informal certificate-giving ceremony later today. I don’t want to do anything, to be honest.”
“I’m not surprised you passed. You’re nothing but the best at anything you choose to do. But it’s definitely been a while since we’ve been able to celebrate things properly.”
Henry rolled himself over to the window, his jaw tight. When he finally turned to me, he looked troubled.
“As a kid,” Henry said, “you were always happy, no matter how demanding or unhappy the people around you were. Backthen, you used to organize Dad’s work schedule so that he could be around to drive Mom to her doctor’s appointments, as well as find neighbors to watch over us if needed. You always surprised everyone with how mature and thoughtful you were. And I took your happiness for granted.”
Henry’s intense gaze was on me. “Do you love him?” he asked out of the blue.
I turned to him in surprise.
Apart from mentioning that we’d broken up, I’d never brought up Sean in the past month because it was too painful to speak his name. Henry had understood my silence on the subject and never pressed me for more.
I considered his question. I thought back to the feelings that had risen in my chest every time I was with Sean. I always felt a bunch of things around him, but one thing was pretty clear: I loved him.
“I did. I mean, I do.”
Henry’s expression was thoughtful.
I sat down on his bed. “It’s been a month since I broke things off with Sean, and for every waking moment, it has felt like I made a horrible, horrible mistake.”
The moments stretched, only broken by the distant sound of a church bell ringing.
Eleven a.m.
As a child, Henry had loved early mornings, waking up at six a.m. and rousing the entire household with him. Nowadays, he slept in more because of the side effects of his medicines.
“Henry, I need to be honest with you. When I told you I didn’t want to leave this apartment because of memories of Mom and Dad here, I lied. I didn’t want to join you in Boston because I didn’t want to leave Sean. I love him.”
He looked taken aback. “Well, why didn’t you just say so?”
I stared at my hands. “Because that was the first time I realized how strongly I felt about him. I didn’t know what to do. All I knew was that I didn’t want to leave him.”
He drew in a deep breath and nodded to himself, like he’d reached some sort of internal decision. “Do you remember, Chloe, in the years after my accident, how much work you took on? Finding a job, accompanying me to my appointments, giving up on your dreams for dance school. At the end of it all, you used to take pride in how strong I was. Those were the words you said so often over the phone whenever people asked you about me.”
“I still am proud of you,” I responded.
He nodded slowly. “You’re my family, Chloe. My person. The one I can always depend on.”
That was true.
“Do you think you can depend on me, Chloe?”
I opened my mouth and then struggled for an answer. Of course I could, but I was afraid to. Afraid of asking more from him.
“That’s my answer right there,” he said after a few moments.
“I don’t need to depend on anyone, Henry,” I said.
“But I do?” he retorted.
“No.” I spoke hastily. “You don’t need to depend on anyone either.”
“Good, just so we’re clear on that.” He rolled over to the table, where he pulled out his crumpled-up college admissions letter.