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“Chloe, I love you, and I want to take care of you. This is my way of taking care of you.”
“Well, I don’t need it, Sean. I’m happy in my apartment.”
The words hit me in the gut like a brick.
She hadn’t said she loved me. She never had.
Resentment and anger burned in me. She was rejecting me and my gifts.
I turned away. She didn’t need me or my money. That much was clear. Call me a caveman, but providing was the role I felt most adept at, most suited to. If she took that role away from me, she left me with nothing. The same feeling I’d felt when my mom left and dad was silent for days on end.
I wanted to rage, to shoot back some of this hurt, to pretend like she didn’t matter. Like none of this mattered to me. In reality, I wasn’t used to being the one who was hurt. The old Sean would’ve hurt the woman back. But I couldn’t do that to Chloe.
“Chloe, this is me using my resources to take care of the people I love. Whether it’s my son, my half-sister, or you. Providing is my role in relationships. How can I lose you when you’re the reason I’m finally on better terms with my family? Give me a chance, Chloe.”
“I can’t,” she said, her voice breaking. “I couldn’t take it if anything more happened to Henry. It’s hard enough for him already.”
“Isn’t it hard enough on you too?” I asked, walking up to her and taking her chin in my hand, forcing her to look at me. “To always put yourself last? To put your needs as an afterthought?”
She stared at me, her lower lip shaking. “It’s not hard,” she said in a tone that made my heart break. “It’s not because I’ve gotten so used to it, Sean. It’s normal for me to put my needs last.”
I looked at her, feeling devastated and overwhelmed. There were too many emotions swirling in my chest, and I didn’t know how to process it. Well, I did. I’d throw money at it, but Chloe had barred me from doing that. So, I was now lost.
She made a strange sound that was halfway between a sob and a sarcastic laugh. “Look at me. I was such a fool for thinking I could have a loving relationship. In reality, I can’t. I can’t ever know what it is like to truly love someone with all the pain I’m carrying around. With all the guilt I’m carrying around. If I left Henry for you, I’d just add to my guilt. He risked his life to save me, and he took the hit himself. An incident for which he still pays forevery single day. And then I have the gall to think I can desert him again when our father did it once already. I have nothing left to give, Sean, so please let me go.”
How the fuck did one make sense of all these emotions when your hands were tied?
“If I let you go, Chloe, it’s giving up. I don’t want us to give up. I want to fight for us. Because what I feel with you, for you, is something I thought I’d never experience in my life.”
“Don’t ask me for that, Sean. Don’t ask me for anything more because I have nothing left in me to give you. Nothing.”
With that, she grabbed her purse and walked out of our shiny new penthouse.
59
SEAN
Five days had passed, and Chloe hadn’t spoken to me at all. I was in my old townhouse, where brightly decorated balloons bobbed in the air, attached to tables covered in vibrant tablecloths. I was devastated after Chloe had rejected me and my offer. I’d thought I’d had the perfect solution. Making space for Henry in my life and having him move in to the same building as us. I’d risked it all to have Chloe in my life and lost. Chloe had chosen Henry over me.
“You know,” my ex-wife, Helen, said as we walked up to the doorway of my bedroom, “I was surprised when Lucas insisted on having his eighth birthday party here instead of at my place. Now, I can see why.”
I suppressed a laugh. My large bedroom had been transformed into an empty space for bouncy houses. Kids were joyfully bouncing around, giggling and laughing. In the background, hired entertainers, dressed as various superheroes, posed with kids and their parents for photographs.
“I could never compete with this,” Helen said, looking around at the dining table behind us, which had a long chocolate fountain with numerous treats that kids would dip into theflowing chocolate. Around it were cupcakes and cookies made by a pastry chef, keeping with the Spider-Man theme. They were delicious.
“You don’t need to compete, Helen,” I said, leaning against the doorway. “He loves you.”
She laughed. “Thank goodness he loves me,” she added with a wave of her hand. “I don’t have all of this to buy his love.”
I frowned, wondering if I was doing that, when a guest tapped Helen on the shoulder. She turned around and began to speak while I watched the kids, still frowning. I felt someone’s eyes on me and realized Lucas had been staring at Helen and me in conversation all this time.
I walked into the bedroom, approaching him with some concern. He turned away stubbornly, but I reached out and stopped him.
“Hey,” I said. “Is something wrong?” I scanned his expression, which was midway between a frown and a disappointed look.
Lucas’s gaze strayed to the door, where some of the guests were still walking in. “Where is Chloe?” he asked. “She promised me she’d be here. Did you fight with her?”
I sighed. “Chloe won’t be here today, Lucas. I’m really sorry. But I’m here,” I added, holding my arms out for a hug.