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“Save the anger for the mat, Derrick,” he chuckled, likely reading my expression. “If you didn’t work out all your frustration last night, then there’s no hope for you.”
Though he was just teasing, I didn’t let him see just how on the mark he was.
There was no hope for me.
Eight
Rattlesnake — Jack Van Cleaf
SIX DAYS LATER
Vegas. An interesting location but a relief since I had worried Jasper would use his favor in order to get me back to New York. And I couldn’t be sure that I’d leave the island alive if I set foot on it at that point. Jasper didn’t want me dead. Of all the things I knew about Jasper—all of which had become uncertain the further he went into the underworld—I knew one thing for sure… He’d fight to the death to keep me alive.
My humanity was another story. Jasper didn’t entirely value that since he’d bargained, sold, and lost most of his. It was the reason I kept him in my life, the belief that he still held on to a shred of his own humanity.
Or maybe that was the lie I was telling myself.
He was waiting for me at the entrance to the private airport when I landed. Black suit, cut to mold to his looming, lean frame.
As usual, his hair was pulled back into a bun at the nape of his neck, making his features more severe, accentuating the high cut of his cheekbones, heavy, dark brows, and arched lips that never stretched into a smile anymore. His eyes were so dark brown they appeared black in the right light.
Handsome. He’d grown into a handsome man, which wasn’t a surprise since he’d been an attractive teenager. He could’ve easily been a Calvin Klein model, but he chose another path.
His eyes gleamed over me as I walked toward him, my steps purposeful, not stuttering in my stride even though it was unnerving to see him after so long. When I was in New York, rubbing shoulders with cruel, greedy and narcissistic men almost every moment of the day, Jasper was like a cool respite. He might’ve been all of those things too, but he was different. Deeper. Again, another lie I told myself.
After being in Jupiter, surrounded by warmth, love and family, it was stark, realizing what he’d turned into. What he always was.
A killer.
Someone who would end the life of any of those I held dear if he was ordered to or if they were in his way. It was why I was here, still playing this game… Because I was terrified of what would happen if I stopped.
I felt like I’d been tilted, suddenly seeing the unmitigated coldness of my life. What used to be comforting, motivating to me, recognizing what I’d created for myself, now left a bitter taste on my tongue.
Jasper stepped forward, hand on the small of my back before leaning in to lay his lips on the side of my neck in a strangely affectionate and possessive gesture.
I forced my body not to stiffen.
Our relationship was physical. It had been since we were teenagers. There was no denying that we’d been attracted toeach other since the day in the meadow. There was never any angst, no pining. We’d both known what we wanted—each other. Even as a teenager, I’d realized that the sex we had was on a different level. And as I’d had experience with a handful of other men, I’d understood that I’d never get better than Jasper. At least until Elliot.
So no, Jasper and I weren’t lovers, we weren’tin love. We were two people using each other. Two people connected, locked together by more than just sex. Two people tangled up in a cold, messy, and toxic web.
Maybe once I’d tried to convince myself I loved Jasper, but I’d comprehended that he wasn’t someone who could be loved.
I had far too much self-preservation to let myself love a man, let alone a bastard like Jasper.
“So happy to see me you can’t contain yourself?” I forced my voice to be shrewd yet teasing, not wanting him to know I was unnerved. He was able to sniff out even an ounce of weakness. I couldn’t let my guard down around him. He’d use that as a foothold to tear me apart and bring me down with him into his depraved world which I’d only dipped my toes into.
“It is nice to see you, but we have eyes on us. Assume it’ll be that way until you leave.” His voice was barely a whisper. It crept up my skin, slithered through my defenses and awoke that cold, cruel version of me that had been dormant since I’d arrived in Jupiter. The version I’d been trying to kill. Jasper would bring it back to life. Always. The one time he didn’t kill things.
I smiled at him when he stepped back, face inches from mine. He smelled woodsy, a strong aftershave that used to fragrance my bedsheets and more recently, my nightmares.
“I’ll be sure to give them the show you want.” I clutched the back of his neck and pulled his mouth to mine.
He wasn’t surprised by this. I was sure he’d expected such a thing, had watched for every one of my cues.
No one but me would be bold enough or brave enough to make a move like that. Jasper wouldn’t let anyone but me touch him that way, and even then, I was sure he’d have some kind of punishment in store for me. That’s how we operated, each calculating the other’s moves, each trying to damage the other a little to see how much we could take.
To find the edge.