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“Yes, I do.” His eyes kept mine captive, searching, probing, his tone icy. “You just don’t like that I do.”
I sipped the scalding liquid. A burnt tongue was preferable to having to answer.
“You are not the woman who dates fishermen or volunteer firemen,” he spat. “Racing off to save people forfree.”
I laughed at first, at Jasper’s indignation. He couldn’t possibly understand doing anything for anyone that wasn’t transactional. That’s how indoctrinated he’d become to his way of life. Then again, even as teenagers, he’d had the quid pro quo thing well in hand. A leftover from a childhood where no one did anything for free.
Then I stopped laughing as the wheels turned in my mind, the thought of what kind of man Jasper truly was, smacking me in the face. He knew about Elliot. I’d told him the day I was staring at a dead body I never stopped seeing, the dead body that was decomposing in my mind and infecting me with guilt for keeping it locked away, secret from Elliot.
The more I thought about Jasper, the more I dissected every word he’d said since he walked in the door, exactly thirtyminutes after Elliot left. After Elliot was called out to save people. For free.
Acts that Jasper disdained.
Jasper was cold, calculated, always ensuring that everything was within his control.
“You set the fire,” I gasped in horror.
“I needed to talk to you.” Jasper flicked his wrist dismissively, as if arson was something as innocuous as going over the speed limit.
I guessed in his world it was.
Arson featured pretty low on the totem pole of crime.
An inferno of my own thundered in my belly, flames licking at my insides, begging to be let out. But I needed to keep my cool with Jasper. Always.
“You could’ve just called.” I again burned my mouth with scalding tea, restraining the urge to throw it in his face.
I buried my worry for Elliot down deep, underneath layers of indifference and faux nonchalance.
“You’ve been ignoring my calls.” Jasper casually leaned back against the wall, crossing his ankles.
He too was playing the game with his mask firmly in place. But we knew each other too well. I knew he was watching my tells, cataloging them, and I was noting his. The twitching of his fingers, as if he wanted to ball his hand into a fist, the way he blinked slowly, forcing the movement, his eyes never leaving mine.
I’d used to love that intensity, the danger in his gaze. But right then I would’ve sold my soul to never be caught under it again.
The problem was, I’d already sold my soul to begin with. He owned it.
“I have nothing to say to you, therefore, me picking up your calls is pointless.” I didn’t bother to bring up the woman he murdered. I didn’t trust my voice not to shake if I did.
“It’s not me you’re ignoring.” He studied me. “It’s time you’re back in New York.”
I nonchalantly tilted my head, even though I felt anxiety creeping up my spine. I’d known I couldn’t permanently stay here without consequences. I’d been planning to go back, knowing that a small town wouldn’t keep me interested or entertained. Or alive.
I hadn’t expected how much I’d like it, being so close to my family, being able to be a different version of myself, one I didn’t hate so much. And then Elliot… Sinking into a life that I’d never thought possible. A life that was never mine.
“I can’t protect you for much longer.”
I stared at him for a moment, trying to ascertain whether he was serious. Jasper didn’t joke. Jasper didn’t even smile anymore. For a nanosecond, I yearned for the boy with the dry wit, cheeky grin, and the edge that shaved me down a little but would never cut me.
But that boy was dead. None of him remained. I’d known that for a while, unable to admit that to myself.
“Protectme?” I choked out a half laugh. “You mean standing by while I was beaten and raped? Or sexually assaulting me in a room full of men playing poker, using me as nothing but a pawn?”
I could’ve sworn I saw a tic in his jaw, a flash in his eyes that looked like regret, shame. But it must’ve just been a trick of the light.
“No one walks away from them, Calliope,” he replied quietly. “Not even for a weekend, if they need them. But you’ve been gone a year. And they’ve needed you. They’ve missed your skills.”
I tried my best to swallow the dragon crawling up my throat.