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“The morning?” Elliot’s posture stiffened, and the skin around his eyes wrinkled. “You’re not going anywhere, Calliope.”
“It’s past visiting hours.” I tapped the sign on the wall which stated that exact thing.
“Since when does Calliope Derrick follow rules?”
He had a point there.
“The only rules you follow are the ones I give you.” His voice was thicker then. “And I’m telling you that you’re going to be sleeping in this bed with me.” He pointed to the bed. “I know it’s not what you’re used to and not the most comfortable, but I’m gonna be a little selfish here.”
“You’re not being selfish. It’s more enticing than the king-sized bed at the Four Seasons.”
His shoulders relaxed as did his expression. “Then put down your purse, take off your clothes, and get in here.” He pulled back the sheet then scooted over. I didn’t miss the careful way he moved his body, a spear of more pain and guilt shooting through me at that. Icicles crept along my spine at the evidence of what I’d done to him. For the millionth time that day, I mentally flagellated myself and added a new form of torture to the list of what I’d inflict on Jasper.
I masked that pain by focusing on the clunk of my purse falling against the seat, the thump of my shoes hitting the floor then shrugging off my sweater.
I crawled into the space he made, immediately warming at his contact, the tension in my shoulders loosening somewhat but not entirely. I inhaled, and instead of that sterile and assaulting hospital smell, I just smelled Elliot. Home.
He laid his lips against my head. “Best thing I’ve felt all day.”
“Better than the Oxy?” I teased.
“I refused the Oxy,” he reminded me. “And even if I hadn’t, you in my arms will always be better than any kind of man-made substance.”
I buried my head farther into the nook of his shoulder instead of replying. We didn’t speak, just listened to the sounds of people moving outside the closed door. The beep of monitors. Nothing was quiet in hospitals. But loudest was the roar of blame echoing through my head.
“This is my fault,” I whispered in the darkness.
His arms tightened around me. “Now, I do consider you to be the most powerful woman—powerfulperson—I know.” His voice was still thick and scratchy from smoke. “But even you aren’t in control of things like fire.” He kissed my head, comforting me. “Go to sleep, Calliope Derrick.”
That was it. My chance to come clean, to let him know what he’d let into his bed. Warn him that Jasper would continue to haunt us if I was stupid enough to continue our relationship.
The truth. I owed it to him. He deserved the knowledge of knowing what a viper I was, what type of man I’d let into my bed.
And he’d discard me for it. As he should. Maybe not because it made him think less of me, but because he shouldn’t want a man like Jasper anywhere near him.
But for the first time in my life, I was a coward. I didn’t say anything. I just nuzzled into his chest, forcing my breathing to calm as if I was obeying him. He stroked my hair for a while, but soon that stopped, his breathing and heart rate slowing, telling me he was asleep.
I stayed awake for hours after that, burying my shame down deep, convincing myself that I was doing it in Elliot’s best interests, not because I was a selfish bitch.
But I feared that wasn’t true.
I was a selfish bitch.
And maybe an evil one too.
Because I saw all of the people who showed up for Elliot today. Saw the shadows in his family’s eyes, yet I’d still crawled into bed with him.
Twenty-One
I, Carrion (Icarian) – Hozier
THREE WEEKS LATER
Kip and I were training.
I’d asked him if he wanted to be my sparring partner for a few months, to help me brush up on my combat. I hadn’t loved having to ask him that, but the amount of ex-special-ops soldiers were in short supply in Jupiter, Maine, and no way in fuck was I going to ask my brother.
I’d expected some ribbing from Kip, or at the very least some questions.