Page 124 of Terror at the Gates

I turned away.

“Dr. Mor,” I heard Zahariev say. “Lilith has promised me she will come see you tomorrow around noon. If she doesn’tarrive, I expect a call.”

There was silence. I tried to get a handle on my emotions, but I didn’t exactly understand what I was feeling. Everything was all tangled up, impossible to unravel. Then I felt Zahariev’s hand on my shoulder. I turned into him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He held me tight.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

It was easier to apologize to him this way, enclosed in his warmth.

“It’s all right,” he said, though I wasn’t sure I believed him.

I wondered what he thought about earlier and how long it would take him to say something along the lines ofthat can never happen again, but it turned out he wouldn’t have to say anything.

Heshowedit by dropping his arms the moment my door opened. I tamped down the disappointment, eyes falling to Cherub as she meowed, wandering into my room.

I smiled softly but felt little happiness as I bent to pick her up. I sat on the bed and held her close, comforted by her rhythmic purr. Zahariev remained standing, watching.

“You can go,” I said.

His expression was neutral.

“You never answered my question,” he said. “Tell me about the knife.”

I heard what he didn’t say—I gave you what you wanted. I swallowed around the lump in my throat.

“The night the enforcers attacked me, you said it was missing, but after I got home, I found it in my bag. I didn’t want it. It had already caused so many problems, so I threw it in the canal. That was the night Tori died.” I paused. “Later, after you left, I woke up to find it stabbed into my mattress. So to answer your question, I don’t know how Igot it. It just keeps coming back to me.”

Even knowing that my blood was the reason I could carry the blade without dying didn’t answer the question of why it had chosen me.

I’d just have to add that one to my list of unanswered questions.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Zahariev asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I got distracted.”

I didn’t need to say why. He knew I was talking about Esther.

“And tonight?” he asked. “Where were you?”

“You know where I was,” I said.

“You weren’t at the port this whole time. What did you do with the jade, Lilith?”

“I don’t think you have time for the explanation that requires,” I said.

“For you, I have all the time in the world.”

“Well, I don’t. I want tosleep,” I said.

“Sleep,” he said. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I looked away and took a frustrated breath, needing to get my thoughts in order and decide where to begin.

“When the blade came back, I decided I wanted to know what I had. It seemed important to the church, which meant it was important to Lisk. I thought maybe, if I could figure out why, maybe Lisk would do anything to get it back, like let me stay in Nineveh.”

I couldn’t place the look on Zahariev’s face as I spoke. His eyes were unchanging, but his mouth was tense, his jaw popping. I explained how I’d visited my contacts in Gomorrah and how they’d shut me out.

“Turns out someone saw me with you the night Abram died,” I said. “I had one final option, a contact in theTrenches I rarely used.”