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My brother squeezes his eyes shut as he holds onto Papa, and for a long time, the three of us stay like that in each other’s arms.
I try to imagine Mama’s arms around us too, but when I do, I only cry harder, missing her too much.
When Papa tries to pull away from us, I don’t let him. I grasp onto him, desperate to have him close as I whimper into his chest. And as Papa realises just how much I need this, he doesn’t hesitate to stay like that, soothing me as he holds me tightly.
After some time has passed, I finally allow Papa to pull away from us both.
He keeps both hands on either one of our shoulders, looking between us both.
“We are going to be okay. This is what is best for us; this is what is best for our family.” I look over to Dario, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just nods, his jaw tight. Papa straightens up, and I miss the feeling of being safe in his arms immediately. After clearing his throat, he speaks again. “There are a lot of things I need to do before we leave. Can I ask you both to begin packing your things in the meantime? Only plan to take what is necessary. The rest will stay here, and anything else will be purchased once we are overseas.”
I look around the hallway, choosing to ignore the broken mess on the floor.
I look at the pictures on the wall, the pretty chandelier that lights up this space, and the shelves we put up for our little ceramic angels. The thought of leaving this all behind makes my chest ache.
But since Dario doesn’t say anything, neither do I. Instead, I just nod my head at Papa before I follow Dario upstairs.
He goes into my bedroom first, his eyes scanning all over my things.
“We’ll take a few of your teddies, and some clothes too. Like Papa said, everything else can be bought once we’re in England.”
My stomach tightens as he says that.
Instead of going to my toys, or showing Dario which clothes I want to take, I go to my bed. I pick up the photo I have of Mama, and I hold it close to my chest. In the photo, she’s smiling as she hugs Papa, and Dario and I are standing in front of them, smiling happily too.
My bottom lip wobbles as I feel my breathing begin to go all weird again.
Dario steps closer to me, sitting down on the edge of my bed.
“Everything will be okay, sorellina.” He tells me quietly, reaching out to hold my hand. “Papa is here, and so am I. We’ll help you tidy up.”
I look up at him, feeling my throat tighten up.
“Do you think Mama would want us to go?”
I have no idea where England even is, but if Dario was angry about it, then I’m guessing it might not be that good.
Dario doesn’t answer me immediately, instead, my brother hesitates.
“I think Mama would want us all to be safe, and if Papa says that England is the place to be, then we’ll go there.”
I don’t say anything to that.
I just hold the photo even tighter.
And exactly two weeks later, we leave.
We leave our empty house behind, and we get into Papa’s car. As we drive away, I can’t help but remember Mama, and I cry harder knowing that we are leaving her behind.
No matter what they say, it doesn’t help.
I can’t stop the tears from falling.
Chapter One
Chiara
Present, Aged 19