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I really think I’m broken now because this all does nothing for me. The woman in front of me is cruel, vicious, and she’d probably make my dick wither away.

“Oh no. I was going to ask him to fist his cock as he watches us,” Cinder whines. My fingers dig into my thighs, because I wouldn’t be able to perform, and she doesn’t know I’m broken. She would have no use for me if she knew. Grayson squeezes my shoulder as he bends over to speak to the Queen, his body hiding his hand. Cinder gets jealous over every little thing, and I’m being offered comfort, nothing more.

“I know it’s disappointing, Your Majesty,” Grayson says respectfully. “We are working to make sure your every desire is met at FRC, and sometimes that means we need to work instead of play.”

I’ve never heard this man speak so respectfully. He has been barking and demanding things the entire time he’s been back at the reform camp, and it’s only when we all relax together for the night that he becomes the caring man that I’ve gotten to know. He sure as shit isn’t typically this humoring of anyone, though it’s amazing what eight months being tortured will do to a man.

“You’re right.” Cinder sighs. “Goodbye, boys. Make me proud.”

Neither one of us has been a boy for years, but we simply nod and say our goodbyes.

“Fuck.” I sigh, leaning back in my chair.

The Warden looks down at me as he straightens, his hand still on my shoulder. “Has she done that before?” he asks gruffly, and I rock my head from side to side.

“Not specifically like that, but she’ll ask me to recount certain exercises done in class to her. She’s always pushed the boundary of gag worthy conversations, but that’s the first time she’s pulled something like that,” I explain. “I wouldn’t have… Grayson, my dick isn’t even hard. I’m a liability on these calls if she’s going to pull that shit.”

“Why are you taking her calls? I didn’t even know you were talking to her,” the Warden grumbles.

“We all do things we don’t want to,” I mutter. “I used to occasionally take calls with her before, because Andrya can’t control her face about the progress of our Section. Then when we all got back to FRC, she started calling me weekly.”

“I’ll sit in on your calls with her from now on,” Grayson rumbles as he starts to turn away. “Don’t argue with me, I’ll figure out a way to keep the Queen happy. Now that we’re out of the dungeon, the five of us are all that matters to me.”

Slamming the door as he walks out of the office, I’m left blinking in surprise. That’s not how I expected today to go at all.

Two

ANDRYA

Idon’t want to get up today. We’ve been here for three months, and the monotony is starting to get to me. Sidney rubs his cheek against my shoulder, his arm loosely around my waist. We started sleeping in puppy piles shortly after we came back to FRC. Even Ayden started joining the two of us, because it keeps the nightmares away. We don’t do anything but sleep in the same bed, but it helps me feel safe.

No one can take me away when they’re with me, and Ayden has his fingers linked in mine, helping to ground me even in my dreams. My mind recognizes the safety, and for the most part, I haven’t woken up sobbing as I remember our time in the Queen’s tender care.

The scars lay plainly on my soul, even if everything else healed up well. I still have marks on my hip, but Ayden has a plan for these. He mentioned a tattoo artist that’s coming out to the camp soon. My brother figured we’d all get something to act as our therapy. Pain transformed into something beautiful sounds like something I can get behind.

“Morning, Sweetness,” Sidney yawns, wiggling down to lay his head on my chest. “So comfy. I don’t want to teach today.”

“Me either, but at least everything is on schedule for our Section. We have a poisons class today, do we have all the materials for it locked up in the office?” Ayden asks, forcing himself out of bed.

Since some of the plants are lethal, we have to make sure they’re out of reach of the populace. Our assets wouldn’t attempt to do anything, but just in case, it’s easier to err on the side of caution.

“I need to grab some things,” Sidney mutters, pushing himself off. “I try to avoid the greenhouse as much as possible. I’ve given most of my duties to the groundskeepers, but I need to handle my plants.”

Pressing my lips together, I stay silent, knowing he used to spend time in the greenhouse withher.Fuck, it hurts to even think about Silla, and the fact that she spent her birthday last year in the dungeon as the guards’ plaything. Having been in her place, even for just a few hours, scarred my soul. I hope she’s at peace, wherever she is.

“Will you be alright out there?” I ask softly. The five of us are living a half-life as we struggle to find our normalcy. The Warden walks the grounds constantly checking on us as he controls the camp with an iron fist. I remember him as a caring giant before, but that softness is reserved for us alone. The assets are scared shitless of him, but it also means there’s not any trouble. No fights to break up, undercurrents of tension, and Zachary is no longer here. So why does it feel as if I’m slowly dying?

Sidney merely grunts, leaving the room, and I have to remind myself that none of us are okay.

“I’m going to shower and hope that it helps wake me up,” I mutter.

“I’ll be in the gym,” Ayden says, nodding at me before he walks out in his basketball shorts and T-shirt that he slept in.

And then there was one.

Pulling off my clothes to throw in the hamper now that I’m alone, I walk into the bathroom naked. Ayden will be gone for over an hour, which is plenty of time for me to get my shit together.

Turning the water on to cold, I decide to punish myself. I’m not a masochist, but pain keeps me from my thoughts of how I failed Silla. We were always temporary, but we were robbed of any last good memories together.