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A ghost of a smile flits across my lips as I remember Silla’s screams as she ran from us. I wanted to remember a happy day, though Kal was mostly confused that day. Maybe it’s selfish to bury him here, but it’s so beautiful and peaceful. It felt wrong somehow to bury him in our backyard.

The cold wind stings my face, whipping my hair into my eyes. It’s a little longer than it usually is, I never got around to getting a haircut.

Finding a small clearing surrounded by trees, it overlooks the ocean. The wind is worse here, whipping around us both. I put a heavier jacket on, but it still cuts through. Carefully putting down my brother’s body, I pull the shovel out of the bag, getting to work to dig him a hole for his final resting place. While the ground isn’t frozen yet, it’s harder than it usually is.

Soon, I’m beginning to sweat, and I throw my jacket off. The wind tries to rip it from me, but it’s too heavy, and it thunks to the ground. I wonder if we’re going to be getting a snowstorm soon because while the snow is light, the sky is almost a blue tinged gray. It’s super overcast, the sea slamming into the cliffs. I can feel the light spray even from where I’m digging the hole.

Jumping into the half dug hole, I finish digging it. The sweat freezes just as soon as it begins to form, making me shiver. I need to make sure I finish burying Kal before I fucking freeze. Climbing out of the hole, I pick up my brother. I uncover his face for a moment, closing his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I rasp. “I should have protected you better. I failed you. I’ll be back with you soon, and I promise to make it up to you.”

I carefully drop him into his grave, unable to see as my eyes well with tears. The overwhelming force of my grief makes me bowl over, stealing my breath. I can’t believe he’s dead. Kal was so brave in his last moments, staring straight ahead where I was hidden and refusing to tell the bitch queen anything.

Gasping, I wonder if the pain will ever end. I feel as if there’s a knife carving through my chest. I know Silla told me she wasn’t letting me go, but I really think she should. I can’t protect her. The best I can do is set her up with a mass of people who can. Kinsley will help her be the best ruler possible, Sidney and Ayden will help Silla with the lack of food situation, and all of her lovers will ensure she’s loved. The Underground will make wonderful soldiers in her new army.

I made sure to speak to them all before I went to the castle last night, since I didn’t know what to expect. Fuck, would I have changed anything if I knew?

Straightening, I wipe away the never ending tears. Why am I even bothering?

Shoveling the dirt over my brother’s body, I struggle to ignore the sound as the hole fills. He was nineteen years old. Kal should be dating, partying, enjoying life. He’ll never get married, have children, or do anything ever again. I know he was sheltered, and talking to women was difficult for him.

I wish I hadn’t invited him to the masquerade to help measure Silla’s mettle. I wanted his opinion, and he was always the nicer brother. I’m an asshole.

Losing myself in the process of my work, it takes me a moment to realize I’m done. Tossing the shovel to the side, I mindlessly walk over to the cliff’s edge. It really is beautiful, the ocean wild. I hope Kal will like being buried here, especially on sunny days.

I vaguely hear screaming around me, but it’s not me. Dazed, I note that my feet are really close to the cliff’s edge. Just the shift of my weight will take me right over. I feel as if I’m outside of my body as I think this, weighing whether or not it’s worth the effort to shift forward.

“Kenzo! No!” Silla screams, sliding next to me and pulling me down. I gasp as my legs go out from under me, and slam onto my ass.

“Are you fucking insane?” I yell at her before immediately feeling bad. “Mistress, the realm needs you, what the hell are you doing?”

“Saving your miserable ass,” Sidney says, dropping down next to me. “As gorgeous as the scenery is, I don’t think a watery grave suits you.”

“Don’t joke,” Silla sobs. “You were just going to step off into the abyss. You can’t do that!”

I didn’t want her to see that, and I really didn’t think she’d need me. Shoving my ass back so I’m firmly on the cliff, I haul her into my lap.

“I set you up with everything,” I tell her, rubbing at her tears. “You have a military that will kill for you in the Underground, people who love you, and Kinsley to go to bat for you with the fuddy duddies.”

“You bastard,” Gray mutters, sitting in the vacant space where my mistress was. Ayden, Andrya, and Isaac join us, and I just sigh. I really did think about this more than I thought.

“How did you even find me?” I sigh.

“We tracked your ass,” Ayden snorts. “Gray and I both put trackers on you before you left the castle. It was clear you weren’t thinking clearly, even if you are a damn evil genius.”

“At first, I wasn’t sure what to expect from today,” I explain. “And then… Kal died, and I thought, what’s the fucking point? I handed you a kingdom, and walked away.”

Silla slaps me across the face, and I’m so shocked, all I can do is gawp at her.

“You don’t get to decide that,” she growls. “I understand despair, grief, and unending pain. Andrya understands it as well. We’re still here.”

“I almost wasn’t,” Andrya says softly. “It’s a little better now that you’re here. I’m down to three showers a day instead of nine, and I don’t stare at the razor blade like it’s the answer to all of my problems anymore. It won’t go away tomorrow, Kenzo. It does get better, though.”

Silla twists around to look at Andrya with a proud smile. “I love you and I’m so proud of you for saying yes to life every day,” she says. I feel even more like an asshole now.

“I almost didn’t.” Andrya sighs. “The guys helped a lot, and when I was at my lowest point, they all insisted on moving into a room together. It was tight, ridiculous at times, but they did it.”

“Your hands roam when you sleep,” Grayson smirks. She flushes with embarrassment, and he just chuckles. “Sidney just made sure he slept next to you.”