Page 28

“You’re not fucked up at all.” Ayden shrugs, pulling off his shirt to hand it to me. Confused, I stare at him as I take it. “Dry your face, Kitten. Are you hungry?”

My tears are drying on my cheeks from earlier, and it also speaks to how much has happened just now that I didn’t notice. Sighing, I dry my face as I think. I should eat, but I’m nauseous and tired.

“Maybe later,” I tell him with a small smile.

“The tea is steeping,” Sidney says as he comes back in. “Do you want me to draw you a bath, I have herbs in case you’re sore…?”

It’s like the air has been pulled from the room as people catch up to a conversation that only Sidney and I are privy to, making me wince.

“A bath would be great later, and I really am fine,” I murmur. “I usually have more time to recover before I have to do anything...”

“Is rape a common occurrence for you?” Grayson asks softly, swallowing hard as he pushes away from the wall he’s been holding up. Dropping his crossed arms, his long legs eat the distance up between us.

“Grayson…” I whisper, my eyes locked on his. It’s hard to hold his gaze, he’s so intense. “I told you I’d be different today, I have zero emotional energy right now to make you feel better about this. I literally am the Queen’s whore now.”

“Whores have a choice,” he growls. Pulling my shirt down, I gasp as his thumb grazes a bite mark. “I thought I saw something, but you got dressed so damn fast. Hiding your body, there’s no reason to hide from us.”

Pulling away, I throw down the shirt I had, attempting to scoot back on the bed, forgetting that Andrya is behind me. “There’s every reason to hide,” I snarl. “Cinder told them they could do whatever they wanted as long as it didn’t show outside of clothing. My bruises have bruises.”

“Silla,” Andrya says, her voice breaking. Shuddering, I turn and hug her, my face buried in her neck. Carefully, she hugs me, her body shaking. “You don’t have to explain a thing, Baby. I promise. Gray is a growly asshole when one of us is hurt. And you… you’re everything to us, do you hear me? We don’t know what things have been like, and we forced the Queen’s hand. There are consequences for that. We’re so sorry you were hurt out of our need to save you… even if it’s not forever.”

Gasping, I can feel the tears overflow. “I’m so tired of crying,” I wail, holding tightly to Andrya. My legs lift to curl into a ball, and she pulls me to her. I can feel the guys standing in front of me, or still kneeling on the ground, but I’m filled with so much shame and self-loathing. I couldn’t fight, I couldn’t stop them…

“Silla,” Sidney grunts, rubbing the back of my neck. It's one of the only places that isn’t bruised or sore right now. “We can tell you have all of this shame, this unfathomable pain inside of you, and it’s not warranted. Whatever you had to do to survive is the exactly right thing to do at that time. Do you understand? The strength it took to ask for something that we wanted in negotiations knowing that it would blow back on you, I can’t even imagine. You’re my Godsdamned hero, Little Love.”

“Wha…what?” I hiccup, turning. I lose my balance falling into Andrya, who just helps me move, so I’m cocooned between her legs.

“We should have thought through our request when you came to the camp,” Andrya explains, her fingers running through my hair. “Cinder has this unhealthy obsession with you, and we didn’t understand that. We hated the idea of you having to go back…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I protest, sitting up and dashing away the stupid water that keeps leaking out of my eyes. “I knew it was going to happen when I went to call her…”

Growling under his breath, Grayson leans over, crowding me. “This shouldn’t be expected behavior, beautiful. She’s never going to let go of you, is she?”

“She will when I’m dead,” I shrug. “Whether it’s by my hand, the guards, or Lana and Cinder remains to be seen. I don’t have a life anymore, Grayson. I’m a trapped insect in her web, and there’s no way out. But… I can get you all out, where you can live normal lives away from this corrupt kingdom.”

“What if we don’t want to leave without you?” Gray rumbles. The others are deceptively quiet, and I know that for some reason, they’re letting him take the lead.

“I stared at a line of razors for twenty minutes today, and the only reason I’m here is because it means that you’ll be free at the end of this. Don’t fuck with my sanity or my heart,” I growl, pushing at his shoulders. I hear a strangled sob behind me, but ignore it, even as my hands shake. “After this mission is over, you’ll be free, and I’ll be dead. I will not return to that house of horrors. Do I make myself clear?!”

I’m screaming, my feet pushing Grayson away from me. I can feel Isaac, Ayden, Andrya, and Sidney watching as I lose it, simply trying to send me strength as I struggle to process things. Gods, I feel as if I’m the one going crazy, and not my step-sister, who has completely lost the plot.

“Silla, okay, okay. Grayson, back the fuck up. You’re not helping things right now,” Sidney yells, pushing him away.

“Do you hear her though?” he asks dejectedly, yanking on his hair.

“You’re not going to win this one. She heard you, okay? Just stop. Silla, come drink your tea, and have a piece of toast. This stuff will upset your stomach otherwise,” he tempers when I go to open my mouth.

“Okay,” I whisper, letting my hair slide forward as I get up, hiding my face. I’m ashamed of my outburst. I used to be so much stronger than this, but when you’re beaten down as much as I have been, sometimes things break and never mend.

Eight

SIDNEY

Looking down at Silla and her stuttering breaths as she sleeps finally, I sigh. I made sure she ate a piece of toast and drank her tea before I noticed her starting to lean to the side in exhaustion. I don’t know how much sleep she’s been getting, and she’s clearly in need of it. I managed to get her to agree to take a nap without too much negotiation.

But, fuck. This girl has been living in a war zone, alone for months. Not knowing isn’t an excuse. We know now.

Slowly standing, my feet drag as I walk away from her. It feels wrong to be leaving her right now.