Page 35

I calculate how long it will take for them to get back to campus before I can text Asa. Another hour later, I see the steady trickle of players come in, Codey, Terrell, then Roman.
I wait another few minutes before I send him a text just before two in the morning, knowing he’ll more than likely be up.
Me: You ok? I saw that play. It looked like it rocked you.
He replies within a few minutes.
Asa: I’m good. You up? I could rock you.
My cheeks warm, my smile automatic. I love when he’s playful and flirty.
Me: I’m up.
Asa: Be there in 15.
He’s right. He’s here in fifteen minutes. I look up, reaching out to touch the mark on his face. “Are you okay?”
“They say…” he stumbles a little, “I’m concussed.”
I laugh when he falls into me. His fingers reach down and wrap around mine, and he begins to pull me toward him. My pulse races. He reaches for me, cupping my cheeks in his hands and draws me closer. Closing my eyes, I lean in.
“I missed you.” He kisses my forehead, and then my temple, breathing in slowly. “God, I’ve missed you. This football schedule is crazy.” And then he kisses me deeply but pulls away just as quickly. He lays down on my bed with me and I curl into his arms just like we’ve done time and time again. Only now, since we’ve had sex four other times this week, I wonder if that’s what he wants. I do. Idefinitelydo. Those nights, though the nightmares that followed were hard, I don’t regret them. Not in the least. In some kind of weird sense, all I’ve been able to think about is having him inside me again. I crave it.
My hand slips under his T-shirt, feeling his smooth, hot, rigid muscles. “Do you want to?”
Taking my hand that’s on his stomach, he moves it lower to between his legs. “I’m up for anything,” he says. His voice is a tender whisper I find endearing and I can tell he’s still on the pain pills they gave him.
My heart thumps wildly in my chest. “Clearly,” I tease, palming his erection through his jeans, my words coming out scratchy, like I have a cold. It’s because I’m swallowing back emotions I’m afraid to let him know.
He groans, his lips finding mine again before he rolls and presses his hardness into my thigh. I want him between my legs. Now. He cups my cheek again. His hands shake slightly, a grunt falling from his slightly open mouth when he grinds into me. “Fuck, you’re all I’ve been able to think about.”
I nod, never parting my lips from his. “Me too. I never thought it could be like this, to want you so badly.” It’s the truth. When I thought about sex after my assault, it made me sick to my stomach, unless it was Asa. I’ve only ever wanted him.
Asa brings his mouth to mine, just as eager as me. One hand cups my face, his other tight around my waist, holding me closer. His mouth, it’s hard and all-consuming, a newfound edge to his passion. I spread my legs wider, wanting everything he’s giving me.
Suddenly, he pauses and rips his shirt off, then mine. And when he returns, I lock my legs around his waist because I don’t want any space between us.
With his forehead against mine, our bodies fuse together as one with him rocking into me, our breaths mixing as one. We stay in a rhythm, our eyes on one another and it’s obvious we want more, but he’s not rushing just yet. He seems strangely focused on something… words maybe?
Holding the side of my head, he keeps his forehead pressed against mine. He’s looking into my eyes, searching for something. I’m not even sure what. His jeans are on, as are my panties and I think at any moment he’s going to make the effort to remove them, but no. He’s staring at me like he wants to say something. That or he hit his head too hard tonight.
“What?” I finally ask, smiling softly.
Sighing, he kisses my forehead and closes his eyes. I tuck my head against his chest, but I hear it. The words “I love you, Barrette” are whispered in my ear.
I let the words sink in, find roots and dig deep inside me. I breathe and squeeze my eyes shut. He didn’t say it, did he? Had I imagined it?
He doesn’t wait for me to say it back. He’s on his knees, unbuttoning his jeans. I lay there, trying to comprehend what he said, but I really want us naked for no other reason but as a distraction. I love him. I do. I love him so much it hurts, and when I tell him, he’s going to feel the words like I just did.
Tears I hadn’t prepared for roll down my cheeks. They’re not tears of sadness or regret; they’re happy-in-the-moment tears.
Asa lifts his eyes to mine, notices the tears, the smile, and slowly leans in to trail his fingers down my stomach to my hips where he slips my panties past my thighs. Tossing them aside, he places his palms on the mattress and hovers over me. I reach up and touch his face and notice the stitches above his eye. Unfortunately, he notices my tears then. “Why are you crying?” he mumbles.
“They’re good tears.”
His brow pinches together, and he nods, but there’s no smile. His body shifts and he draws me closer, our chests touching. “I didn’t say it to hear it back.” His words tremble with the shake of his body. “I said it to make sure you knew.”
“I love you,” I whisper in his ear as he enters me, filling me with so much more than himself. “Not because of this, but because of you,” I tell him, my mouth moving across his shoulder.