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It takes me a minute to reply, shocked he’s flirting with me so openly.
Me: I meant dinner.
Asa: Lol, I know. Be there in a minute.
We’re flirting. We have been for probably the last year. It hasn’t led to anything yet, but we flirt and tease, and sometimes I provoke. Let my hands travel over his body to see what he does. Every single time, he reacts and holds me closer. It hasn’t always been like this with us. It’s just sort of evolved into this. Freshman year, even after everything that happened, we actually went on dates that summer before college started but never classified anything as “dating.” Once college started, it became harder with school and his crazy football schedule.
When he knocks minutes later, I move toward the door and notice Cadence in her room through the bathroom that separates our dorm. She keeps her headphones on and smiles. We’re roommates, but my friendship with her will never be the same again. I can’t tell you why, but I pulled away from everyone but Asa, Joey, and Waylon. Cadence has some resentment over me hanging out with Joey, but school keeps her pretty busy. She and Roman broke up again. I honestly can’t keep track. He’s like the campus whore these days, and I know it bothers her to see it. I know it would if I saw Asa acting the way he does.
My heart beats a little faster knowing Asa’s on the other side. There’s a fraction of a moment before I open the door that I imagine our lives to be different. I imagine we’re together again and that night never happened. I imaginetheydidn’t ruin our lives.
But then I open the door and I see his eyes. The golden hues that meet mine changes things for me. It’s adorable in ways only Asa can be. When I look at him, that light hair sticks up in the front, those dark, brooding eyebrows that crease when he’s nervous, that’s when I know that everything is different and nothing will ever be the same again. Because of me. Because of a night I can’t change.
Asa smiles softly, stepping inside my dorm room. Smiling and waving at Cadence, he sits on my bed flipping through myHistory of Motiontextbook that’s on my pillow.
“I’m failing,” I tell him, shrugging.
“That sucks. Need help? I took that class last year because I thought it was interesting.”
“That’s okay.” The last thing I want is for him to feel like he has to do this. “You’re busy with football.”
He nods, his eyes on the floor, seeming to know I don’t want him to help me and not pushing the issue. “Dinner?”
I bite my lip, my arms wrapping around my stomach. “I really should study.”
“It’s just food.” He nods again and then looks up at me standing near the window as if he knows that but he’s wanting something from me. “You’ll feel better if you eat. It’s a proven fact that food and… well…” He pauses and winks. “We’ll start with food. Food helps you concentrate.”
I want to beg him to tell me where he was going with that, but I know he won’t tell me. “Fine.” I roll my eyes sarcastically. “I guess I gotta eat.”
He laughs, throwing my sweatshirt that’s beside my bed at me. “Don’t sound so enthused to go out with me.”
This time I laugh. “It’s like going out with a celebrity.”
Once outside the door, he slings his arm around my shoulder. “It’s not that bad.”
Just wait, I think to myself. He really has no idea the trance he has everyone on campus in. Including me.
WHEN WE ARRIVEat the Pagiliacci Pizza, I’m regretting it already. It’s never easy seeing girls instantly hanging all over Asa, regardless of howundefinedwe are. But it’s the way it is with us lately. Like a Taylor Swift song, I’m always in the shadows and he’s center field where he belongs.
He walks in ahead of me but reaches for my hand when we get to the door. I feel safe when he touches me like this, warmth enveloping my body instead of the all-encompassing cold I live with daily.
Just before he opens the door, a group to our left calls his name as they sit outside in the green plastic chairs reserved for outside dining. Asa gives them a nod, never letting go of my hand as we’re led to a table in the back, his eyes on the televisions that line the wall above the bar.
When he lets go of my hand to take a seat, that’s when I feel the warmth leave me.
Everyone stops by to congratulate him on the game against the Oregon Ducks. They won 38-3. I watched the entire game, so I have an idea of what they were talking about. Asa threw for 204 yards and ran with two touchdowns himself.
“That’s amazing!” one tall brunette says to her boyfriend when he tells her about the yards. She has no idea what he’s referring to, but she’s impressed by Asa and smiles, her eyes never meeting mine.
Asa is low-key. He’s always modest when it comes to his playing ability, and though he’s the captain of the team, you’ll never hear him say he’s the best player. He doesn’t believe that even for a second.
“It’s pretty cool,” he says, giving the guy standing beside him an autograph on a beer coaster. He and his girlfriend take a photo with him and then they leave.
Tonight isn’t any different than it ever is with him. Since his freshman year here, he’s been this school’s superstar. They worship him. It isn’t too hard to be a superstar back home, but at a university where tens of thousands of students and faculty know your name and high five you randomly walking around campus, yeah, that’s a big deal. What they don’t see is what he has to give up because of it. When most college kids are home for holidays, Asa is at practice. Summer? He’s in summer classes trying to keep up, hitting the weight room, and pushing through two-a-days.
What’s the reward?
Big Ten title? NFL contract? College degree?