Page 122 of Ruled Out

“That’s not what I meant. I wasn’t questioning your love for me; I was …” My frustration ramps up to the point where I want to tear my hair out at the roots.

How is it possible that I’m fucking everything up right now with the one person I have left?

With a palm to the side of her face, I wipe a stray tear away with my thumb. “Every image I have of the future belongs to you. Not to hockey, not to anyone else. They’re all of you. There just aren’t that many of them. I can’t see beyond today or even how I’m going to get out of this bed. My mind is at sea, and I’m drowning. You’re my life raft, holding me up, but I know I’m getting heavy. What happens if my weight is too much? What if I stay here, trying to tread water, but slowly, I’m sinking us both? What if I never stop blaming myself for my mom? What if the temptation to head three blocks down to the nearest liquor store gets to be too much? What then, Mia? Would I be your dream then?”

She presses her lips into a thin line, and I watch as her throat works, the marks still just as prominent.

“What you just described is the very definition of conditional love.”

“I described a situation where I’d never blame you for walking away. I’ve always told you if I’m going down, you aren’t coming with me.”

“Except my love for you isn’t like anything you’ve ever had, Jessie. You don’t get to have a say in that either. You are my priority, and you always will be. I love you unconditionally.”

I close my eyes and let the sincerity in her words sink in, willing them to override my years of fucked-up love.

When she reaches down and brushes her soft palm over my cock, it stirs to life, and I focus back on her.

“Make love to me, Jessie. Because I need you. I need us.”

We haven’t had sex since before I left for Dallas—by far the longest time we’ve gone. Even when I’ve been away with the team, we’ve gotten each other off over the phone.

Every cell in my body wants the woman lying in front of me, asking me to bury myself inside her.

“Me too, Sweetheart.”

She’s already wet when I swipe a hand along her entrance.

My girlfriend whimpers quietly, pulling my face down to hers. “If your mind won’t listen, then maybe your body will.”

“All I want is to be the man you absolutely deserve, Mia.”

“Then show me.”

As I hover over her, I kiss my way down her neck, stopping at the red marks. “No one is ever going to hurt you again, and that includes me. You’re so fucking precious to me.”

She knows my tongue is making its way to its favorite place when I circle it around her navel and lift one of her legs into the crook of my arm, spreading her wide open.

Sliding all the way to the bottom of my bed, I tease her clit with the tip of my finger, and she squirms, the tiniest giggle rippling out of her.

With my finger now pressing just inside, I pause and look up at her as she pins her bottom lip between her teeth, gazing down at me. “Want to talk me through the best way to finger you?”

She smirks. “Are you testing if I’ve been listening in class?”

A smile pulls at my lips, and I’m confident she’s the only one who can—and will ever—make me feel this way. “You bet I am.”

When I push deeper and let a second finger join, her mouth falls open, and she presses her head further into her pillow. “Deeper. Go deeper.”

I do as she says and reward her by sucking her clit into my mouth and teasing it with my tongue.

“What now?” I ask, releasing her with a pop. “I’m at your beck and call, but I need more instructions.”

“When you get as deep as you can go, you need to curl them forward and find that wall.”

“Like this?”

“Yesss … right—there,” she cries as the first release washes over my fingers.

“You’ve done so well, Mia. Want me to take over?”