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“What do you want? You said it was my bedtime so I might as well leave, right? Go tuck my little butt in bed, without you.”
“Cute,” he answered, shrugging. “Real fuckin’ cute, Ophelia.”
I sighed, turning away, not bothering to ask him to elaborate. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. “God, you’re such a dick lately. I’m going home.”
Just as I was about to walk out, he grabbed my waist, refusing to let go of me. “Have you been with Ledger?”
“Not like with you, but I kissed him,” I replied. Did it hurt him as bad as it hurt me to say? Probably not. I wasn’t sure I could ever wound him like he destroyed me.
“Why?” he hissed, demanding an answer.
“To know what it was like to kiss someone who wasn’t using me.” It felt good to stand up for myself around him.
“You think I use you?” His eyes were deep, voice raw, watching my reactions. My reasons swirled in my too-glossy eyes. Roan saw it. Roan Sawyer always knew exactly the control he had over me.
“You know you do. Remember, I’mtooyoung.”
With a sigh, he sat on the edge of his bed. After a moment, he pulled me down so that I was kneeling in front of him. I thought, this is how it is with us. Him soaring high above the sky, untouchable, and me on the ground at his feet, always hanging on his every word. But this time it was different. His hands shook as they reached my cheeks, eyes red and uncertain. He lifted my face so I was looking up at him. “You don’t know anything.”
“I don’t because you don’t tell me.” Whatever this was between us was so fucked up, and it was hard that it just kept going, year after year, never ending but never beginning either. With a frustrated sigh, I wanted to get up and leave, tell him he was wrong, I did know, but I didn’t do that. I leaned my forehead against his knee. “I don’t want to keep doing this with you, Roan. I’m tired of it.”
“Look at me,” he demanded, only I refused. I couldn’t, didn’t want to. Not like this.
Unable to control my sobs, I shook my head.
“Goddamn it,” he cursed. Roan stood and lifted me to my feet before placing me on the center of his bed and covering me with his body. I opened my eyes and held his for a beat. And then he kissed me. It was forceful, as if he were trying to show me I’d had this all wrong in my head.
“Do you think I want you kissing other guys?” He pulled back, his eyes finding mine, but then he covered my mouth with his again, not waiting for my answer. And then, with a grunt, his hips started to move, and I felt him hard, between my thighs.
It was everything I needed to know he felt the same way. I thought, okay, if he had been with her, he wouldn’t be like this with me, right? He kept moving above me and my thoughts faded. My eyes rolled back at the sensation. This, over the clothes, and sometimes with no clothes, he would give me that. Never completely, never fully, but in those times when his body was above mine, it didn’t matter that we weren’t having sex. Having him close was enough.
But then I had courage. If I could make him feel this way, I could ask, “Were you with her?”
He didn’t answer.
I curved into him, holding on tight. “Why her? What does she give you that I can’t?”
I gripped his strong shoulders, my legs tightening around his waist, trying desperately to get closer. I kissed his neck, cheek, lips, anywhere I could and though I felt so desperate for him, I didn’t care.
“You’re just so young, honey,” he mumbled against my lips. “My innocent little girl.”
Arching my back into him, his hands worked up my shirt to palm my breast. Then my shirt was gone, tossed quickly with my bra, and soon after, his shirt with it, but not his shorts.
“Nobody touches you like this but me.” It was a demand. My age would always shut him down because the fact of the matter was, I wasn’t eighteen yet and he refused to give himself to me entirely, until then.
Until then, there’d be girls like the Monster Energy chicks and anyone else who was in this bed when I wasn’t. The ones who kept his interest. The ones his age. The ones he didn’t have to hide from my dad, or his brothers.
I looked up at him, his eyes hooded and breathing shallow. “It’s not enough.” Still hovering over me, his arms trembled from the weight bearing down on them. The ache between my legs was almost too much to handle. Slowly kissing my neck, he leaned his weight to one side and his fingers pushed into me, harder and harder until my legs fell open and my back curved.
“I can give you this,” he whispered, closing his eyes. He’d got me off before, but it wasn’t what I wanted. Not tonight. Not anymore. “I can make you feel so good, baby.”
I moaned, my eyes rolling back at his touch.
I opened my legs wider when he grunted, his hips thrusting faster. “Do you have any idea how bad I want to be inside you?”
“Then do it. What’s a few weeks? I want more. I want all of you,” I begged, hoping he’d see what I meant when I slipped my hand between us and inside his jeans. A shudder moved through him at my touch, his eyes finding mine.
I heard him hiss and groan, losing himself in me. “You have me.” His words were broken, desperate, his hips jerking forward and into my hand. He was warm, rigid, so perfect, but I wanted more than what he was giving me. I didn’t want to jack him off or give him another blow job. I wanted all of him inside me. “I’m all yours.”