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I twist to see Roan standing near the door, arms crossed over his chest. He avoids my eyes. He looks numb. Frozen. He leans into the sliding doors that lead into the den, a look of pure evil on his face and coldness in his eyes. “Tell me something, did you stop to think about the consequences?”
I slide my eyes to his arms and the ink on them. His tattoos are a map of all the ways he’s been wronged. I know every sharp turn and blind corner because I paved most of them. After years of this game of who could hurt who more, he’s out to burn the bridges.
Tiller tosses the pool stick aside, smiling. He says nothing in response. I look to him, waiting. He shrugs, his smile evil. He loves confrontation. “This isn’t on me, honey.” His bitter words are sharp. “You’re the one who suggested it.”
The bass of the music pounds, adding to the sensations coursing through me. Of course he went there. It’s not a lie. I’m the one who climbed on his lap and I’m also the one who said, “Fuck me.”
And he did. Regardless of the fact that I think we both knew we’d end up here. Me doing the explaining.
Roan pushes off the doorframe, his scowl set on his brother. He says nothing before his fist connects with Tiller’s face. They wrestle around on the ground, but few words are said. None are needed at this point.
These two fighting, it’s nothing new. If you ask Ricky, their uncle, with only ten months separating Roan and Tiller in age, they’ve been at it since the day Tiller was born. As the story goes, Roan pushed him off their mom’s lap onto the floor the day she brought him home. Some go as far to say that Tiller has some sort of hate-damage toward Roan, but that’s just Tiller. He’s mean as fuck and doesn’t give a shit. And Roan, no one understands him. Not even me, the only girl he’s ever let in.
As I stand here, afraid and nearly alone, watching them pummel one another, I realize this is because of me. I created another war between them over stupidity. Sure, I can blame the jealous self-absorbed, insecure eighteen-year-old inside me who did the unthinkable, but it remains, I did this. I make myself feel every sensation, and become completely aware and present no matter how painful it is.
My mind goes blank and though I need to stop them before they kill each other, I think back to when I knew I loved Roan. Back before he was world famous and untouchable.
I whisper his name, silently.Roan Sawyer.The name is known by many but to me, he’ll always bethatguy. The one who destroyed me for anyone else. Everyone knows the type too. The one that when you fall for them, you’re never the same again.
I’ve known Roan since I was ten. I hated him in the beginning, the cocky fifteen-year-old with a chip on his shoulder, but then again, I was drawn to him in ways I couldn’t explain at the time. For so long he was like a big brother to me, until he was more. By twelve years old, I knew I was in love with him regardless of the older brother vibe.
It happened on the brink of becoming a teenager, when I didn’t even know myself, let alone what love meant. Just before my thirteenth birthday, my extreme dieting and lack of eating had led me to a kidney dysfunction. Medullary sponge kidney disease. Two weeks later, and a DNA test, I found out Carl wasn’t my biological father.
That’s when my parents hit me with it. My mom had been raped and left for dead. My dad, working security for a politician in Mexico at the time, found her and brought her back with him to the States. They married and four months later, I came into the world.
I can’t even begin to describe the emotions I went through during that time, but I do remember never being upset with my dad. If anything, I have deep admiration for him. He took us in and loved me as his own.
That week I spent in the hospital, Roan never left me. Here I was, a twelve-year-old; he was seventeen. I’m sure he had things to do, but that week he made me feel like I was the most important person in his life. He snuck me milkshakes and candy. Anything to get me to smile.
From then on, I knew, someday he’d be mine and I’d do anything to make it happen. Unfortunately, we both took it too far. Now here we are, suffocated by lies and revenge.
The world around me grows silent, only I can hear the harsh breathing of the two fighting on the floor. With every solid jab, their hatred toward one another consumes me. It suffocates and demands to be heard.
With blood in his teeth, Tiller turns his head, smiling, when he notices Ricky running in the room, only Roan swings, a hard right to the jaw that would have crushed anyone but Tiller. I’m convinced he’s made of steel. It’s because he’s so fucking stubborn.
Nothing stops Roan. My heart pounds in slow thumps, my ears ringing at the sounds and thuds of each hit he delivers. Tiller manages to get in a few hits, but if I had to guess, he’s enjoying taking a beating. He finds entertainment and satisfaction in pain. I know this for sure when he winks at me, as if to say, “You asked for this.”
And I guess I did.
Deep down, I knew that if I didn’t stop them, Roan would kill him. Or at least try to and wouldn’t feel an ounce of guilt if it happened.
Tiller smiles, breathing heavily, laughter and blood on his lips. “Let me up, man.”
Roan slams his fist into the side of his head again. “Shut the fuck up.”
“C’mon, Roan.” Ricky groans, grabbing onto Roan’s shoulders. “Let him the fuck up.” He yanks against his T-shirt. “Knock it off!”
Roan says nothing, nor does he get up. He’s too far gone to make sense of anything.
“Carl!” Ricky screams over his shoulder, battling between them, and looking for backup.
Oh shit.
My heart jumps into my throat for many reasons. If my dad knew the things I’ve done here, with these guys, he’d never let me step foot in this house again. My dad? Head of security for the Sawyer brothers. And if he ever finds out I’m the reason behind this fight, shit will hit the fan. I’m his only daughter and I don’t think he’ll take too well to finding out I let one take my virginity, and I’m love with the other.
Within seconds, my dad enters the room, as does a handful of others. A brief glance my way, my dad sets into action. His burly frame hovers over Roan, yanking him off Tiller with little effort. Roan stands, his muscles and entire body rigid. His eyes sweep to mine, but leave just as quickly. We’re really good at pretending there’s nothing going on. But still, I’ve hurt him and he just might out me.
His jaw tightens, a deep sigh pushed out as he rights his shirt.