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He fights against the restraints, and I bet had he not been handcuffed to the bed, he’d throttle me on the mere principle of it. “When?”
I chuckle and raise my eyebrows. “Does it matter?”
“Yes, itfuckingmatters. I swear to God, Roan, if you tell me recently, I’m going to kill you.”
Ah, yes, the feeling of satisfaction. Sadly, this is the best I’ve felt in a while. “Paybacks are a bitch, aren’t they?”
“That’s fucked up, and it’s not the same thing.”
“Yeah, asshole, itisthe same exact thing,” I point out. “Amberly’s been yours since we were kids and Ophelia has been mine. It was unspoken, but shit, it shouldn’t have had to be said.”
“Look, I don’t know what you want me to say. It wasn’t planned. It wasn’t something I did to hurt you or her. It justhappened. It was one time and it’ll never ever happen again.”
I don’t look at him because the memory of her saying his name and the gut-wrenching hole it left inside me still hasn’t healed. “I know it won’t.” And then I stare at his dead eyes and the addiction that nearly killed him. “I don’t want you to die, ya dumb motherfucker.”
“I hear you. Let’s leave it at that.”
When I leave the hospital, Willa finds me outside in the parking lot. “That was nice of you to go see him.”
I lean into the side of my car, reporters and media hovering in the distance. I’m careful not to look up. “I didn’t do it to be nice.”
Twisting her cell phone around in her hand, she laughs nervously. “You didn’t kill him, did you?”
“Thought about it.” I cross my arms over my chest. “But no, I didn’t.”
“I’m hoping he goes to rehab,” she admits. “River is his daughter. Apparently, he slept with Ava at one time.”
For the past few months, a little girl about three had been hanging around. It was Amberly’s niece, but one look at her and you knew exactly who the father was. It’s just like Tiller to get wrapped up in this shit. He never fucking thinks. “Figures,” I mumble.
Willa touches my shoulder. “Are you leaving to train for Erzberg again?”
I nod. “There’s certainly nothing keeping me here.”
It’s the truth. I have nothing holding me here in Pasadena.
I try not to think about her, at all, but the thoughts still come. Every night, every day, they’re present, controlling, conflicting, and I can’t ignore them, no matter how hard I try.
I’d love to go as far to say I don’t call Ophelia again, but I do. No matter how hard I try, I can’t end it completely. I find ways to see her when she doesn’t come home at Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Erzberg takes place at the end of May, I usually start training after the first of the year. By the end of January, Parker, my bike mechanic and friend, is wondering where the hell I’m at.
“I need a flight to Jacksonville,” I tell Scarlet two days before I’m supposed to be in Florida.
She’s sitting in the kitchen at her laptop, typing away on what looks to be an email. Shade and Tiller are riding their dirt bikes through the house—River’s on Tiller’s, Berlin’s on Shade’s. Highly dangerous for kids I would think, but what the fuck do I know. And judging by the girls’ laughter, I’d say they’re enjoying it.
I flick Scarlet’s ear when she doesn’t reply. “Do your job.”
“Okay.” Scarlet can’t hide her smile even though she tries by masking it with her coffee. “When?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
She blinks and stares up at me. “That’s Valentine’s Day.”
You might not pick up on this, but do you notice the way my heart pounds a little harder? What about the heat that licks my entire body? I know tomorrow is the fourteenth, and maybe it’s my plan. Maybe it’s not. “Like I give a fuck what day it is. I need to be in Florida and away from this shit.” I motion around the room filled with exhaust. She pulls up our account online and begins booking the flight. “But get me a layover at Newark,” I add.
Scarlet smiles so wide you’d think I gave her a cure for frizzy hair. She knows the only reason I’d be flying into New York City would be for a certain somebody who goes to college there. “That’s not a layover, Roan. That’s a detour.”
I squeeze my eyes shut trying to will kindness in my tone. “Just book the flight, Northwest,” I snap, and then feel bad for about two seconds.