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She doesn’t look back, destroying me completely. Anger turns to rage until you can’t recognize it. It wants to be heard so it takes over. It controls your thoughts and movements, but the reaction, it doesn’t happen in real time. It happens when you finally see what it’s doing to you.
My brother. It would have been easier to forgive a friend, but a brother? Impossible.
You might be curious to wonder how we got here. It’s been my experience, and I’ve won just about every freestyle motocross championship there is to win, so listen up. The beginning doesn’t matter. It’s how you finish that dictates your worth. Might as well go out in a blaze of glory.
But I’ll warn you now, this isn’t a timeless romance.
It’s a goddamn tragedy.
“I hate you.”
“That makes two of us.”
Sadly, it’s the truth.
You can let someone down with one word. No.
You can destroy them with two. Get out.
But… you can completely break them for the rest of their life when you say, I slept with your brother. Don’t believe me? Look at the guy standing in front of me telling me to get out of his room.
Do you notice the pinched eyebrows? The coldness? The roll of his head to the side and pursed lips when I don’t leave? He can be the most passionate, loving man in the room, but at the same time, Roan Sawyer can turn into a monster with a flip of a switch.
I only have myself to blame. I know that, but it doesn’t make dealing with the consequences any easier. As I leave his room—a place I once found comfort—I feel exposed, dirty, embarrassed, different, tarnished, the hot flush of humiliation racing through me.
This… this is a new kind of lonely.
You might wonder how this happened. How’d I get here to making a decision like this? I believe to tell a story you start when shit really hits the fan. Grab your attention with the arc and then over time, fill in the details. The story of these two people screaming at one another, it’s complicated, and goes back years, but I’ll start with the one who played a role in it. The one I should have never approached because he’s pure evil.
There’s this guy. Despite winning multiple X Games medals and X-Fighter World Championships, he’s full on insecurities, anxious to the point of destructive, and covered in ink. Everything from his drinking, to his cocaine use, is done in excess. Moderation isn’t a word he knows. With black hair and even darker eyes, most know you don’t mess with him. Why would you?
Well, I did, and took it a step further. I used him and now the violent secrets he holds inside his dangerous mind are out. The ones he swore he wouldn’t tell anyone. I fucked with the devil and now I’m paying the consequences. And to tell you the truth, I wasn’t prepared for them.
The only two people who knew about our time together was us, so that meant he said something to Roan.
Storming downstairs, I find him in the den, shooting pool with his buddies. Same place he’d been when I found him that night. Only this time, my intentions are very different.
“Why’d you tell him?” I scream at Tiller, completely losing my shit on him. “You said you wouldn’t say anything to him.”
Tiller’s bloodshot eyes snap to mine, the beer in his hand lazily lifting to his lips. He looks at me, toying with his lip ring. It’s a mixture of hatred, confusion, and annoyance. God forbid I talk to him when he doesn’t want me to, right? That’s Tiller for you.
I might not ever forget the music playing over the speakers in the den where he’s shooting pool with a group of guys. “Gimme That Nutt” by Eazy-E. If you really listen to the lyrics, it’s a perfect portrayal of who this guy is, and seems fitting that it was the song playing the night he fucked my virginity out of me. In many ways, the worst night of my life.
Without thinking, I drive my hand into his rock-solid shoulder. “Answer me, asshole.”
He looks at my hand, then me, scowling. When the deep lines form on his angry face, I regret hitting him. With a nod, the room clears. He has that pull over everyone. A tip of his head and they do as they’re told.
Not me. Not today. When the room is empty, so are his canyon-colored eyes. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”
With tears in my eyes and my heart breaking, I whisper, “Youtold him.”
Tiller snorts and strokes the pool stick. It’s suggestive and crude, everything he is at times. “I didn’t have to.” He leans forward, his smoke-filled whiskey-lit breath hitting my cheeks. “You can’t fuck with the devil and not expect to get burned.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about. But then again… I do. I don’t know what made me think Roan wouldn’t find out. Tiller’s right. I knew better. I did. But still, I went there with Tiller, his younger brother, regardless of the consequences. I sigh into my hands, shielding myself from the dark eyes bearing down on me with amusement. “I can’t believe this.”
That one earns me a laugh from the lips of a monster, but not the one in front of me. This one I destroyed with words and sent him into a spin of a dysfunctional state. At first, I don’t turn around because I’m afraid to see the look on his face.
My eyes meet Tiller. He’s not looking at me. He’s smiling wickedly at his brother behind me.