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I saw her jaw twitch and she blinked her eyes, holding back tears. “So, you knew? You knew what type of trouble he was in, and you did nothing to save him.”
“First of all, I’m not in the business of protecting dirty cops. Second of all, I had nothing to do with what Nico did.”
“But you could have intervened…you could have stopped him. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just as much a murderer as your brother.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Mya
My mind felt jumbled.Every day I woke up more and more depressed.
I felt so hopeless. I didn’t know if Dr. Kali was okay. I didn’t know what was next for me or for the baby. I just knew that I wanted a chance to wake up from the nightmare I was living.
I didn’t believe Jason was capable of doing anything illegal. But I’d seen the accounts, I’d heard Dario’s words. I still couldn’t accept that Jason would do anything even remotely wrong.
When he became an officer, he had found his calling. He wouldn’t have just thrown that all away, right?
I placed my hand under my chin and thought about those last months of Jason’s life.
He’d been withdrawn and moody quite frequently, but I wasn’t the type to pry into his work life. I’d tried to cheer him up, and just assumed work was more draining for him than usual and that he needed some down time to recharge.
I’d given him his space, assuming that’s what he needed. There were times when I felt I needed space, too. I had assumed it was the just the ups and downs of marriage. Every marriage had its problems, right?
I thought we would just work through our issues with time, but boy, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Time hadn’t been on our side, or on Jason’s side, for that matter.
Now part of me felt guilty for ignoring the signs. Maybe if I had pried, if I had shown an interest in his work, he would still be alive. I’d blamed Dario for sitting idly by and not doing anything to prevent Jason’s death, but was I guilty of the same?
Had I been so wrapped up in my own life that I hadn’t noticed when my husband needed help?
What kind of wife was I? I should have done more. Been more.
Jason had been there for me in my darkest hour, yet when he needed me the most, I hadn’t been there for him. It made me feel like a failure. Why hadn’t he talked to me?
Why hadn’t he told me what was going on? I’d pushed him away after my mom’s death. I’d made my life and his a living hell for quite a while there, and he had still been there for me.
Maybe I wasn’t who I thought I was. Maybe I had been a toxic presence in Jason’s life. He’d been on a different path until that day he bailed me out of jail. If I hadn’t ended up there, maybe he’d never have decided to get into law enforcement.
And then he would have been safe. Maybe he would have chosen a different career, one where his life wasn’t in danger.
I knew beating myself up wouldn’t bring him back, but I didn’t know who else to blame. I was his wife, his only next of kin, and I’d failed him. Things could have been so different if I’d seen the signs and acted on them.
Now, I was married to the man who could have prevented it all but chose not to. I’d seen the letter. I knew Jason had asked for help and gotten none.
It was unfair.
At the end of the day, Dario’s whole family had either directly or indirectly been responsible for Jason’s death. I thought backto that day at the restaurant when Dario had stabbed that man. From what I could gather from the conversation, Dario had a lot of enemies.
He wasn’t popular. He was feared.
What was the old saying? “The enemy of my enemy was my friend.”
I paused, but was Dario my enemy? Before my conscience could delve further into that question, I let my brain do the talking and told my heart to stay out of it.
Yes, Dario was the enemy. He’d forced me into a marriage I didn’t want. He’d left Jason to die when he could have intervened. Dario didn’t deserve my loyalty…or my care. I had to remember that.
But my mind kept reminding me of the moment in the hospital where his hands had rested gently on my belly. The gentleness had caught me off guard. The entire gesture had been unexpected, not like the person I thought I knew.
I thought of the lovemaking we had shared just a few days before. I had never experienced anything like that before. Could a man who made love to me like that really have such evil intentions?