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And I have no regrets.
Well, except for missing the lobster at DaVinci’s in Portland. The chef there is amazing.
But there’s no way Ruby really believed that I wouldn’t show up when I found out about April and Elliot.
Maybe she thought she could just walk away and ignore me, but she forgot that neither of us can everreallywalk away and ignore problems around us.
We have a lot in common. And right now we have Elliot to take care of. Together.
I’m going to figure out a plan for the kid and his mom today. We’re going to put things in motion. I’m not going to tolerate Elliot being scared and hiding out from his own father. That’s bullshit.
I gather flour, baking powder, sugar, and salt and start combining everything in a bowl. If Ruby has a problem with me rummaging in her kitchen and helping myself to bowls, spoons, griddles, and food, we’re both in for a long next few weeks. Because this is nothing compared to how involved I’m going to be in everything she’s got going on.
She’s going to argue with me. Protest. Push back. But it won’t matter.
She’s feisty, but she’s not stupid. She’ll understand that I’m right. About everything.
And my focus will be on Elliot to start. She’ll see that, and there will be no way for her to fight me on the things we need to do for that little boy. She won’t want to.
I’m going to fix things for Elliot. And April. But April is an adult whose choices have to be respected, even if they suck. Elliot is a kid and he’s at the mercy of the adults around him.
But I’m one of those adults and I’m going to makeextremelygood choices.
I whip the ingredients in the bowl hard with the whisk I pulled from Ruby’s very messy middle drawer full of utensils.
I know how it feels to dread seeing your own father and I’m going to do everything I can to change that for Elliot. I was powerless to change my own situation but I’m not powerless anymore. I know what it’s like to have someone come in and fix your shitty reality. The relief, the weight that lifts, the happiness when you learn that your father doesn’t get to write all the rules,and that other people can care even more than your own flesh and blood.
I’m going to be sure Elliot knows those feelings too. He’s a lot younger than I was, but that only means he has more years of happiness and security to look forward to.
I’m going to get Elliot and April somewhere safe where Chris can’t bother them. Ever again. Then I’m going to make sure they are secure and set up for ongoing success.
Then I’m going to do the same for Ruby. With or without her knowledge. Or permission.
But, until everyone’s awake, I’ll make pancakes.
Twenty minutes later I have bacon, scrambled eggs, and airplane-shaped pancakes in casserole pans, keeping warm in the oven. I saved some batter so that Elliot can help make a few pancakes too. I told him he could be my helper and I meant it.
If I tell him something is going to happen, it will. If I tell him I’m going to do something, I’ll do it. Airplane pancakes are just the start.
Since the house is still quiet, I head upstairs for a quick shower.
I pass the closed bedroom doors, grabbing a towel out of the hall closet. I’m in and out of the bathroom in less than ten minutes, deciding there’s no need to shave today.
But the bedroom doors are still shut when I pass them again and there’s no noise behind them at all.
Okay, maybe I’ll have to have a pancake or two by myself.
I return to the kitchen and make coffee. I’ve only taken one sip and dug the syrup out of the pantry when my phone rings.
I check the screen.
It’s Ruby.
I frown. What the hell?
“Hey, Gem.”
“Hey, can you bring those rolls down soon? They’re getting restless.”