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She sucks in a long breath. It’s not surprise. It’s frustration. I’ve told her this and she doesn’t want to hear it. Not when we were both in Ohio, not over the phone, not in texts, and, apparently, not here.
“We can be together now,” I say. “The things keeping us apart are not an issue now. Cian and Scarlett intend to go back to Emerald.” Scarlett doesn’t love her tiny hometown, but they’ve only been there for about a year and a half. Her daughter is a sophomore in high school, and Scarlett doesn’t want to make Mariah move and leave her friends again. They’ll stay at least until Mariah graduates. Wherever Scarlett is, Ruby will be. And wherever Scarlett is, Cian will be. And wherever Cian is, I will be. It’s all working out.
But Ruby shakes her head. “It’s not that easy.”
I frown. “Of course it is. I had to leave you before. I had to come and go. You said we couldn’t make a relationship work when I had to be somewhere else and could only steal time with you. That’s not the case now.”
“But…Cian is still your first priority.”
“He’s my…job.” I hesitate over that last word because my job is so much more than that. And Ruby knows that.
She gives me a small smile. “Henry, come on. We have to be honest about what’s going on. You love me. I believe you. But you love the O’Grady family more.”
My chest tightens. I shake my head. “Not more. Differently.”
“But they come first. Cian comes first, and now…” She smiles and sighs softly. “My sister and niece, too, right?”
Yes, but…
“Right?” she presses. “Now that Scarlett and Mariah are princesses, they are a priority to you.”
“Yes.” I won’t lie to her.
“And I love that.” She shakes her head with a little laugh. “God, that’s even more than I ever hoped for. All these years taking care of them, worrying about them, being there for them, I wished for people just like you guys. People who wouldseethem, respect them, support them, lift them up, protect them.” She has to stop and swallow. “You and Cian have given them safety and support but even more, you’ve given them a family, a community, a place to belong unlike either of them haveeverhad. Ilovethat for them. But—” She holds up her hand when I open my mouth to respond. “That also bumps me even further down your list of people you can love and things you can take care of.”
“Ruby, fuck, that’s so unfair.” I shove my hand through my hair. None of that iswrong, exactly, but it’s not that simple, either. This is the first time I’ve fallen in love with a woman, and Iwanther in every way.
“Yeah, it is unfair,” she agrees. “I don’t want to take you away from Cian or my sister or niece. But it’s unfair that it meanswecan’t be together.”
I take a step closer to her. “But wecan.”
“No. I mean… yes, I know it seems that way. Obviously, we can be in the same place at the same time now. We can spend time together. You won’t be leaving like you have in the past. But...” She shakes her head. “Henry, I have big feelings for you, too, but I deserve more than this.”
I scowl. “More than what? More than a man who cannotget over you? More than a man who thinks about you constantly, a man who wants to make you happy and take care of you?”
She hugs her arms against her stomach, presses her lips together, and then, slowly, painfully, nods. “Yes. I deserve to be someone’s number one.”
I stare at her.
She watches me.
Several long moments tick by.
Then she says, “I can’t be your number one, can I, Henry? If it comes down to me or Cian, it will have to be Cian.”
I don’t want to answer that question.
Because my answer will mean I lose her.
Chapter 2
Ruby
Ialready know the answer to the question. And I don’t really want to hear him say it out loud. But I’m still going to make him say it.
Becauseheneeds to say it.
I don’t blame him. I’m not angry. I know what his job means to him. I admire it, actually. And I understand that it’s one of the things we have in common.