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Perhaps I am now. It was difficult even before Jamys’ death, though. “I can’t change any of it.”

She nods and takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. “I thought this would make some things simpler for you. I know that’s dreadful to say, but we know—”

“It’s not simpler.” I pull my braid around my shoulder and twist the end around my finger. “Marrying Jamys would have been simple.” Not that I’d still planned on that eventuality, but I never told Jo I had greater feelings for Tomas. She had enough to deal with knowing I was sleeping with him. “Now Rylan thinks I’ll try to win the crown so I can choose my own husband.” As much as I hate the trials, I’d rather talk of that. Sometimes, it’s rather inconvenient to be in love with the brother of my best friend.

“Will you?”

“No.”

Her lips pinch into a frown. “You’re not going to try to win?”

“I am going to try to win, but not for that purpose.”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes. It matters to me.” I twiddle my fingers. “I’ll not be crowned sovereign just to avoid being betrothed against my will. They’d likely let me choose anyway. It isn’t as if Ceraun has another prince I could marry. There aren’t any other obvious, advantageous choices.”

Jo’s chin drops conspiratorially. “Really?”

“None who would benefit the crown.”

“Because House Coyle is already so spectacularly loyal?”

My jaw clenches. “Precisely.”

“Ara, now you could—”

“Please, stop. I’m not ready to think about it.” Is she only assuming we’d marry because we have sex, or does she know of his feelings on the matter? This is all a distraction I don’t need right now.

“When will you be?”

“After the trial.” Because if he breaks my heart, I’ll be useless, and I want to do well. Sorting out things with Tomas is a risk I can’t take right now. “No matter what happens between Tomas and me, you and I shall remain.”

Her brows pull together. “Of course.”

The words are right, but everything else is wrong. I never wanted to cause a rift between Jo and Tomas or in our friendship. Now it feels as though it’s all interwoven and I could lose them both in one swoop.

Chapter forty-nine

The familiar sound of a breakfast tray being set on the table rings out from the sitting room. As I make my way in, I say, “Thank you, Lucy. I— What are you doing?”

“Offering moral support to my sister on this most important day.” Nina settles down and pats the cushion next to her. “Come now. You need your strength. You must eat.”

My gaze remains trained on her as I sit. “Why do you care about this if you can’t win?”

“Tomas is convinced you’re going to try to win. Is that true?” Did she even hear my question?

“Why do either of you care?”

She shrugs. “You’re the next best choice.”

“That’s… wonderful. I’m honored, really. Is it simply that after all these years of having a sovereign queen it would be difficult to get used to a king?”

Nina’s head bobs back and forth. “I do think women are more apt for ruling. Also… as your own betrothal was rather disastrous, I would hope that you might help convince Mother and Father to give me some more time. As heir, you’d have more sway.”

“Is that why you were determined to win? So they couldn’t arrange your marriage?”

“Yes.”