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“Yes. Didn’t you read the item you stole from me?”

“Not yet. I was distracted by yours.”

“Well, it’s clear as day.” She hands me back one parchment only. “But you’re certain there’s no concern about Jamys? You know, darling, we never wanted to force you into something you didn’t want. Yes, we’ve always thought it important for the stability of the continent, but you seemed open to it.”

Because I was trying to be a good daughter and princess. “I know, and no, I don’t have concerns about Jamys. Does the confrontation in Dockerly hold any weight toward my safety, though?”

Her eyebrows draw together. “Why do you want this so badly?”

“Please, just… Does it?”

“One incident shouldn’t, though we could argue that if need be. Truly, the kingdom would need to be unstable, but if you tell me why—”

“Thank you, Mother.” I jump to my feet and rush out.

Chapter forty-three

The kingdom would need to be unstable.

Ceraun is unstable—they’ve been losing cities and territory to Penum. Jamys was reluctant to tell me that, and Urian’s suggestion to marry us right away…

They know it’s enough to lose me. Urian, I’m not surprised by, but Jamys? Would he keep that from me?

My heartbeat pounds in my ears as I hurry through the palace. Without so much as knocking, I burst into his rooms. “Jamys!”

He nearly jumps out of the chair at the desk and closes a small book. “Ara, you scared the—”

“Did you know?” I throw the rolled parchment at him.

“Know what?”

“That Ceraun’s weakened state could null our betrothal.”

He closes his eyes, and his lips press into a thin line.

“You did. Of course you did.” Air feels hard to come by suddenly. “You went along hiding it so you could lock me into your monarchy.” Tears sting my eyes.

“Ara,”—he stands, but keeps his distance—“we needed you. We do need you. You know that.”

“That’s despicable, even before! But then once you knew about Tomas, you had to guess there was a chance I didn’t want to marry you!”

“By then I loved you!” His eyes widen, and he throws his hands out with that exclamation. The burst of passion fades to sadness as he closes his eyes and rolls his lips in before continuing. “When we arrived, I hid it because we needed you to marry me. By the time I found out about you and Tomas, I wanted to marry you.”

Tears gather in the corner of my eyes and begin to leak out. “You’d have let me go into that life without any choice in the matter.”

“Would it really have been so horrible to be married to a king who worships you like a goddess?” He closes the distance between us and grasps my shoulders. “I still can, if you’ll let me.”

I drop my gaze to the floor but see nothing through the blur of tears. “No, Jamys. I can’t.”

His hands swing down off me. “When I told you how bad things were getting in Ceraun, I thought you knew it would be enough to end our betrothal. I thought you’d still want to be with me.” I look up to meet his eyes which are also swimming in tears. “Yes, I knew you were sleeping with Tomas, but I thought that was all it was. It felt like we were developing something between us.”

We were developing something, but it’s not enough. I never wanted to turn him into a person who would tolerate an affair. He’s going to be a king. But desperation makes people act unreasonably. He loves his kingdom, and I respect that. It doesn’t mean we can live that way, though.

I take a breath and lay my final decision before him. “I’ll do it in such a way as to minimize any embarrassment. Ceraun will still have our support and assistance.”

He turns away and grips the back of the chair he vacated, head bowed. I turn to leave. The back and forth of my relationship with Jamys is nearly over. There’s solace in that, even if it had to go up in flames.

“For what it’s worth,” Jamys says when my hand reaches the doorknob, “I’m sorry.”