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His eyes don’t leave mine, and a thousand unspoken thoughts float between us. Until the dagger soars toward me, and I whip a shield up a few inches in front of me. It strikes, and for a moment, it sticks in the shield. I gasp. It pierced the shield. That can’t be. As quickly as possible, I use a gust to toss it back. Hopefully, it looks like it ricocheted.

“See?” I say. “That wasn’t so bad.”

Tomas blinks a few times and narrows his eyes. “I won’t be doing that again.” I pick up the dagger and offer it to him. “No, you keep it.”

“What do I need a dagger for?”

“They come in handy.” He unstraps its sheath and hands it over.

“If you say so.” It would be rude to point out I have far greater weapons at my disposal. And it would be embarrassing to admit I like the idea of having something of his. “What’s next?” I follow him as he puts away the bow and quiver.

“This kind of training really isn’t like you. You’re at your best when you’re having fun.”

And oh, what fun we’ve had. In the grief of Jamys’ death, our affair feels more shameful. I can’t jump back into bed with Tomas like I’m glad Jamys died, giving me the freedom to do so. “Tomas…”

“That isn’t the kind of fun I meant.”

Faster than should be possible, I go from uneasy about the suggestion to terrified by the correction. I don’t think we should be engaging in those sorts of relations at the moment, but his motivation worries me. Our relationship was guaranteed to be free of obligation from the onset. He could pull away from me now that I’m not promised to someone else.

“Good,” I say. “But I don’t need to take up any more of your time.” Plus, he keeps having strange effects on my powers.

“You know that isn’t how I feel about it.”

I wouldn’t dare to assume I know his feelings about anything, so the only response I give is a shrug.

“If you don’t want to be around me,” he says, “I understand.”

“You were the one avoiding me, if you recall.”

He rakes his hand through his hair. “It wasn’t that I—”

“It’s fine. I’m sorry I brought it up. It’s just a very confusing time. There’s a lot going on.”

“I know.”

I’ve never felt uncomfortable around Tomas before. We’re good at anger, teasing, fun, passion, but this is miserable. We’ve known each other too long for this. Our friendship was too good, and when we’re more, we’re even better. The tightness in my chest threatens to break me. A few weeks ago, I’d have thought I’d miss his body most of all, but it’s just him. Talking to him. Laughing. He’s become so many things to me.

“I think what I need is a break.” I wipe my palms on my leggings. “You’re right about this not being the type of training that helps me. Is Jo around?”

***

Jo’s embrace does wonders to set my nerves back into place. “I went to call on you when you returned, but they said you weren’t taking visitors.” She leans back and holds my shoulders at arm’s length. “I tried to explain that I’m no ordinary visitor, but it did not work.”

“They’ll be reprimanded, I assure you.”

She grins as we sink onto a chaise in her sitting room. “Well, some things have occurred since last I saw you. Your sister nearly burned down the arena.”

I match her casual, matter-of-fact tone. “I recall.”

“You’ve moved on to the final trial to potentially become queen of Alchos.”

“I have.”

“And Jamys…” She bites her lip.

“Yes.” We slip into a sad silence for a moment.

“You seem rather calm about all of it.”