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“Let’s go in.” Tomas guides me to turn back toward the gate.

I walk along with him as if sleepwalking, looking at nothing, feeling nothing but his arm around me. I keep an indifferent expression on my face, or so I hope. As if it costs me nothing to defend my people this way. Like I would do it again in a heartbeat.

The fact of the matter is, regardless of the cost, I would.

Chapter twenty-three

A footman takes the trunk from my room, and I scan the space for anything I may have missed.

“There’s no hurry,” Jamys says. “After last night’s excitement, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to take a day of rest.”

“I do not need to rest. I’m quite well to travel.” Plus, I can’t stand to be here a moment longer. I wrap my cloak around my shoulders, and the image of Tomas’ arm around me appears in my mind. Everyone else stayed to deal with the intruders, thank the gods, because I’d never needed to be alone with him more.

As soon as we were through this door, I collapsed into him and cried against his chest. He swept me into his arms to put me to bed. Who knows how long he sat with me while I kept my knees tucked up, shuddering? I never thought I could be near a bed with him without wanting to tear his clothes off, but the soft kiss on my forehead when he laid me down was everything I needed.

I shake off the memory. “I’m ready to leave.”

“We don’t need to go to Brasport then. We can return to Mirador.” Jamys can see there’s something wrong with me, but I don’t think he knows what it is. Frankly, I’m not entirely sure what it is either. Bless him for trying.

“There is no reason to alter our plans.”

He frowns. “Is there any reason to go there, though? With those imposters dead, there aren’t even any clues to follow.”

In the end, it didn’t matter that I didn’t kill those men. They had some quick way to poison themselves, apparently. Everyone was furious about losing the ability to interrogate them. Tomas was only relieved it wasn’t my doing—a fact he repeated to me countless times last night after the news was brought up to us.

“You did not kill those people.”

“I could have, though. I was going to.”

“But you didn’t.”

I swallow hard and focus on the present. “We don’t even know if the events in Brasport are related to whatever those men were looking for here.” Even as I say it, I don’t believe it. For these things to be isolated would be absurd.

Jamys doesn’t appear to believe it either.

“Or perhaps we’ll find something they didn’t,” I try instead. Also a flimsy idea. “Either way, we should show up when there are issues in our kingdom.” As much as I didn’t want to go to Brasport before, now, I’ll take any distraction. An unfamiliar place with nothing to remind me of my murderous response to Tomas’ peril will be a welcome change.

“As long as you’re ready for it.”

“I am. You may not be ready, though. It will be rather hot on the southern coast.”

His gentle smile tells me he’ll accept my shift to a lighter mood. “I’m getting used to the Alchosian heat.”

Outside, everyone is about ready for our departure. I thank Lord and Lady Altman for their hospitality. They apologize again for not discovering the imposters before we did. I excuse them—again—and walk into the courtyard. Tomas watches me intently, looking to see if I’m cracking, even if he won’t ask it out loud. Approaching him for a goodbye is as confusing as it is distressing. Even if I was coming to terms with him relinquishing his role as my lover, last night proved him to have another place in my life equally as intimate.

“Safe travels.” His eyes beg the question, Are you certain I can leave you?

“You as well.” I snap a little shield around us, the act like a stab to the chest as I recall the last use of my power. “Thank you… for hiding my breakdown last night. I’m fine now, really.”

Unspoken thoughts whisper across his face in minute shifts of his brow, lips, eyes—things I shouldn’t notice, but I know too well. The shield dissolves. I can’t remain in enclosed spaces with him.

“I’ll see you when you return to Mirador.”

I nod. “Send my love to Jo and my parents.” You take all of it with you anyways. No! Stop thinking like that. I turn and step into the carriage.

“What are you doing? You always ride horseback.” Nina bristles as she smooths her already perfect dress.

“Today, I want to ride in a carriage.” Letting my element flow around me outside is the last thing I need. I’d always thought it was the gentlest of the magics, but seeing it turn violent… Of course, I can’t very well blame the air when I was the one controlling it. “Is that a problem?”