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“Are you OK, sweetheart?” he asks suddenly. “You seem a little down.”
I can’t hide my feelings from the man who gave me life and loves me so. “Papá, everything is so complicated, and ... and ... it’s exhausting.”
“Complicated?”
“Yes, Papá ... very.”
“You’ve had another argument with Eric?” my father asks, not quite understanding.
“No, Papá, no. Nothing like that.”
“Then, what’s the problem, love?”
I need to talk to him about what’s going on. “Papá, I want to be with you on New Year’s Eve; I want to see you and Luz and my crazy sister, but ... but ...”
My father’s warm laugh makes me smile even when I don’t want to.
“But you’re in love with Eric, and you also want to be with him. Is that right, my dear?”
“Yes, Papá, and I feel terrible about it,” I whisper as I see two flight attendants taking their positions at the gate I need to go through to board my plane.
“Well, sweetheart, when I met your mother, she lived in Barcelona, and, as you well know, I was in Jerez, and I can assure you I am well acquainted with what you’re feeling. The only advice I can give you is to follow your heart.”
“But, Papá, I ...”
“Listen to me, my dear. Luz and your sister and I know you love us. You will have us and we will love you for the rest of our lives, but you need to start making your way like I made mine and your sister made hers after she got married. Be a little selfish, sweetie. Think about what you want. And if your heart is telling you to stay in Germany with Eric, do it and enjoy it. I’ll be happier that way than having you here, puffy eyed and sad.”
“Papá ... you’re such a romantic,” I say, crying, moved by his words.
“You’re my girl, and I know you better than anyone in the world, and I only want you to be happy. And if your happiness lies with that German who drives you out of your mind, then praise be! Be happy and enjoy your life. I know you love me, and you know I love you. What’s the problem? It doesn’t make any difference if you’re in Germany or by my side to know we have each other for the rest of our lives.” I’m crying. “C’mon ... don’t cry, because that raises my blood pressure. And you don’t want that, do you?”
That makes me laugh right through my tears. My father is so great!
“Little one, why don’t you stay in Germany and have a happy New Year’s Eve? This is the beginning of the life you recently planned, and I think to have begun it during the holidays will always be a beautiful memory for you, don’t you agree?”
“Papá ... it’s really OK?”
“Of course, sweetheart. So, go find Eric. Tell him hello, and, please, just be happy so I can be happy too, OK?”
“OK, Papá. I’ll call you tomorrow night. I love you, Papá. I love you very much.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.”
Moved by my father’s words, I turn off my cell and wipe my tears. I stay seated and think about what I need to do. Papá or Eric? Papá or Eric? Finally, when the other passengers on my flight begin to board, I grab my backpack, and it becomes very clear: I leave to go find my love.
13
When the taxi pulls up to the front gate of Eric’s huge mansion, I pay with my Visa and climb out. As might be expected, it’s snowing and my boots sink in the snow, but it doesn’t matter: I’m frozen but happy. When the taxi leaves me alone in front of the imposing gate, I hear noises nearby. I see the trash cans to my left and clamber up to jump over. A pair of big bright eyes startles me.
“Goddamn it! That scared me!”
My shriek makes the poor terrified dog run away. I think he’s more frightened than I am. Alone again, I climb down and look for the doorbell, and then I see the light go on at Simona and Norbert’s little house. The curtains on a small window move, and soon the door next to the gate opens.
“Miss Judith? Oh my Lord, you’re going to freeze!”
I see Norbert, Simona’s husband, running toward me, dressed in a dark coat that goes all the way down to his shoes.
“But what are you doing here in the cold? Weren’t you on your way to Spain?”