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The wheelchair wasn’t necessary. Stella was able to walk and not the least bit dizzy or lightheaded, but Atlas helped her off the bed and into the chair, then followed her into the hall, where Beate sat with Carmel.
“Hello,” Stella said with surprise, putting up her good hand so the nurse would pause next to the pair of women. “I didn’t know you were here,” she said to Carmel.
“Atlas nearly fainted when he got your call. I thought I’d better keep an eye on him. I hear your father makes ours look like Santa Claus. Oliver’s been told to clean out his desk, by the way,” she informed Atlas offhandedly. “You’re in. The announcement said it more nicely, but it’s effective immediately. How long are you here?” She looked back at Stella.
“I’ll be discharged as soon as I get my cast.” It was done then. Atlas had what he wanted from their marriage. Hedidn’tneed her.
“Pity.” Carmel pouted with disappointment. “Beate and I were putting together an order for some really spicy books for you. Have you read this one?” She pointed at her phone and looked to Beate. “I nearly got pregnant just reading about this guy.”
Beate snickered.
It was a pity, Stella thought. She and Carmel might have become friends if they’d had the chance.
She looked at Atlas, aware that his sister liked to exaggerate for comedic effect. He might have rushed to her side out of a sense of duty, but he hadn’t beenthatupset. Had he?
“I’ll be here when you get back,” he said, giving nothing away.
* * *
While Atlas waited for Stella to be discharged, Beate left to meet a friend. She had arranged to stay with her while Elijah was taking Grettina to her cousin’s and the other girl was off work, so Beate was meeting her downstairs.
“Atlas.” Carmel crossed her legs and clasped her knee, leaning toward him. “This is how my therapist talks to me. Atlas, what brings you here today? Use your ‘I’ statements.”
She had been surprisingly decent this whole time so he didn’t tell her where to go. Even so, “Pass.”
She sighed and sat back. “It wasn’t your fault, you know. My stumble.”
“You asked me if I should call your sponsor. I should have.” He pushed his hands into his pockets, looking down the hall, willing Stella to come back even though she’d only just left.
“No.Ishould have. I wasn’t even that upset when you told me you were married. Not until Daddy came downstairs and started saying things to get me worked up. The worst part is, I knew what he was doing. He was drinking in front of me, wanting me to fall off the wagon so he could make it your fault. I let it happen because…” She shrugged, mouth twisting into deep remorse. “Because I want him to love me.”
“I know.” Atlas watched her eyes fill with tears. “I don’t blame you for that.”
“He doesn’t, though.” She wiped under one eye, expression tightening. “In therapy, we’re always talking about making sure the people around us will support our sobriety and he doesn’t. He never has. You do, though. I don’t know why, since you can’t stand me.”
“I can stand you a little. When you’re not being horrible.” It wasn’t entirely a joke, but he added more sincerely, “I don’t blame you for resenting me. I would, in your shoes.”
“I shouldn’t, though! You’re the one who gets me into rehab and calls while I’m there. You’re the one who says ‘good job’ at work. And now you have this wife who is not a vapid witch like Iris. She’snice. Please tell me you haven’t really ruined it with her? Why would you do that?”
He drew a breath and held it, shaking his head. “I don’t know. Why do you hurt yourself when you’re mad at him?”
“Oh, Atlas. You don’t care enough about him to let him affect you like that.”
“After yesterday, I saw too much of him in me. I want better than that for her.”
“Thenbebetter. Gawd. It’s not that hard.” She waited a beat before adding facetiously, “For you.”
He looked again for Stella. What was taking so long?
“You love her, don’t you?” she asked gently.
His heart was beating outside his chest, calling to Stella, but he’d spent too many years hiding his closest feelings from this woman. She had used them too many times to hurt him.
“I thought you were going to cry, Atlas. When you got that call. I’ve never been so scared in my life because I really didn’t know what I could do to help you if you’d lost her.” She rose and squeezed his arm, smiling and nodding past him. “Here she comes.”
His entire being settled as he saw Stella being wheeled toward him.
He hadn’t known what he would do, either, if something more serious had happened to her.
“Hello,” Stella said with surprise, putting up her good hand so the nurse would pause next to the pair of women. “I didn’t know you were here,” she said to Carmel.
“Atlas nearly fainted when he got your call. I thought I’d better keep an eye on him. I hear your father makes ours look like Santa Claus. Oliver’s been told to clean out his desk, by the way,” she informed Atlas offhandedly. “You’re in. The announcement said it more nicely, but it’s effective immediately. How long are you here?” She looked back at Stella.
“I’ll be discharged as soon as I get my cast.” It was done then. Atlas had what he wanted from their marriage. Hedidn’tneed her.
“Pity.” Carmel pouted with disappointment. “Beate and I were putting together an order for some really spicy books for you. Have you read this one?” She pointed at her phone and looked to Beate. “I nearly got pregnant just reading about this guy.”
Beate snickered.
It was a pity, Stella thought. She and Carmel might have become friends if they’d had the chance.
She looked at Atlas, aware that his sister liked to exaggerate for comedic effect. He might have rushed to her side out of a sense of duty, but he hadn’t beenthatupset. Had he?
“I’ll be here when you get back,” he said, giving nothing away.
* * *
While Atlas waited for Stella to be discharged, Beate left to meet a friend. She had arranged to stay with her while Elijah was taking Grettina to her cousin’s and the other girl was off work, so Beate was meeting her downstairs.
“Atlas.” Carmel crossed her legs and clasped her knee, leaning toward him. “This is how my therapist talks to me. Atlas, what brings you here today? Use your ‘I’ statements.”
She had been surprisingly decent this whole time so he didn’t tell her where to go. Even so, “Pass.”
She sighed and sat back. “It wasn’t your fault, you know. My stumble.”
“You asked me if I should call your sponsor. I should have.” He pushed his hands into his pockets, looking down the hall, willing Stella to come back even though she’d only just left.
“No.Ishould have. I wasn’t even that upset when you told me you were married. Not until Daddy came downstairs and started saying things to get me worked up. The worst part is, I knew what he was doing. He was drinking in front of me, wanting me to fall off the wagon so he could make it your fault. I let it happen because…” She shrugged, mouth twisting into deep remorse. “Because I want him to love me.”
“I know.” Atlas watched her eyes fill with tears. “I don’t blame you for that.”
“He doesn’t, though.” She wiped under one eye, expression tightening. “In therapy, we’re always talking about making sure the people around us will support our sobriety and he doesn’t. He never has. You do, though. I don’t know why, since you can’t stand me.”
“I can stand you a little. When you’re not being horrible.” It wasn’t entirely a joke, but he added more sincerely, “I don’t blame you for resenting me. I would, in your shoes.”
“I shouldn’t, though! You’re the one who gets me into rehab and calls while I’m there. You’re the one who says ‘good job’ at work. And now you have this wife who is not a vapid witch like Iris. She’snice. Please tell me you haven’t really ruined it with her? Why would you do that?”
He drew a breath and held it, shaking his head. “I don’t know. Why do you hurt yourself when you’re mad at him?”
“Oh, Atlas. You don’t care enough about him to let him affect you like that.”
“After yesterday, I saw too much of him in me. I want better than that for her.”
“Thenbebetter. Gawd. It’s not that hard.” She waited a beat before adding facetiously, “For you.”
He looked again for Stella. What was taking so long?
“You love her, don’t you?” she asked gently.
His heart was beating outside his chest, calling to Stella, but he’d spent too many years hiding his closest feelings from this woman. She had used them too many times to hurt him.
“I thought you were going to cry, Atlas. When you got that call. I’ve never been so scared in my life because I really didn’t know what I could do to help you if you’d lost her.” She rose and squeezed his arm, smiling and nodding past him. “Here she comes.”
His entire being settled as he saw Stella being wheeled toward him.
He hadn’t known what he would do, either, if something more serious had happened to her.
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