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I snort. “This sounds way more fun than a budget.”
“That’s just because you haven’t sat through a rousing experience with our head of accounting.” He stops, then crouches down next to me, keeping his gaze on the horizon. “Why did you invite me?”
I nearly brush it off with some careless remark. But then I remember Rafe opening up to me in Athens, sharing his painful past. My resolution to remain invulnerable to my husband no longer seems like a show of strength but of weakness. One where instead of taking risks, I’m once again pursing the safe route.
“I’ve dived once since I got certified with Katie. This is my first ocean dive.” Butterflies flap wildly in my stomach as the boat rocks. “I wanted to share it with you.”
He tenses next to me. “Why?”
I hesitate. “Because it felt right.”
Before Rafe can reply, Emerson reappears. He gives us a couple of instructions before he steps into the water, sending up a plume of spray as he submerges. He surfaces a moment later and smiles.
“Ready whenever you are.”
I look up at Rafe. “Ready?”
He blinks, almost hesitating as he stares into my eyes. “Yes.”
I pull my mask down, put the regular in my mouth and slip into the water. The sea closes over my head as I sink a couple inches beneath the surface. Rafe jumps into the water next to me. Emerson holds up the okay sign and, at Rafe’s and my nods, gestures for us to start descending.
When I was getting certified, this was one of my favorite parts of the dive. The slow descent, the feeling of weightlessness. Not having to be aware of where I was placing my crutches or if there would be a bump as I navigated my wheelchair. I could simply move with a freedom I hadn’t experienced in decades. An almost magical sensation of flying, swimming above an underwater world few people see.
I splay my arms and legs out as I slowly drift down. We near the bottom. My breath catches as I survey the colorful splendor below me. Stunning coral and a rainbow of colors. Fish darting in and out. A turtle nibbling on strands of sea grass. I glance every now and then at Rafe and Emerson, always making sure they’re within sight. But for the most part, I just swim, enjoying the world around me.
At one point, I see Rafe staring down a seahorse, one that darts within inches of his mask, then back, then forward again. I smile around my regulator. He glances at me and arches a brow behind his mask. But he’s enjoying himself. I can tell as he moves through the water, pausing here and there to watch some creature or examine a bit of coral.
It’s odd, seeing him not only in a place so foreign, but so relaxed, so removed from the hustle and bustle of daily life. Odd and enjoyable.
The dive is over far too quickly. Rafe climbs up onto the boat, shutting his vest and tank before turning to help me onto the back platform. Emerson stays in the water until I’m secure on the boat.
“What did you think?”
Rafe glances at the water. “Enjoyable.”
“Really? You saw fish and turtles and seahorses. And all you have to say is enjoyable.”
“Very enjoyable.”
I smile because I can see how much more relaxed he is, saw how engaged he was as he navigated the ocean floor. A smile he returns, his eyes unexpectedly warm with appreciation.
“You’re a natural.”
Pleasure sweeps through me. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I haven’t been diving in years, but even when I dove every week for an entire summer, I never moved with the confidence and grace you did.”
His words fill me as that edge I’ve been trying to avoid ever since he walked back into my life looms right in front of me. All those years I pined for Rafe, imagined that he saw me as no one else did, formed the foundation of my feelings for him. A foundation I decided must have been constructed of starstruck youth and desperation.
My eyes grow hot as I look away. Infatuation and inexperience may have played a part. But that feeling that Rafe saw more than most, that he paid attention to the person I was inside?
I was right.
The boat ride back to the villa is far too short. As Emerson docks the boat, I’m faced with a question I’m terrified to answer. Has Rafe ruined me for another man? Will I ever be able to share my body, let alone my heart, with someone else after the past few days?
Days, my brain reminds me as Rafe stands to my side, a hand at my back as I move from the boat to the dock. Think about how he’s acting these past few months. The years you’ve known him. A couple days doesn’t change the fact that you two have very different expectations for your future.
“Thank you.”