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“Yes.” It still filled him with rage and disgust and guilt for existing. For stalling his mother’s life when she might have had thousands of other opportunities if she hadn’t been a young single mother.
“Did she have any help at all? Family?” she asked with concern.
“My grandfather. He owned the taverna where she worked. He looked after us as well as he could. Things were lean, but we never went hungry.”
“You miss him,” she noted.
“I do,” he admitted with an old pang that came of wishing he’d made that old man’s life easier, too, instead of harder.
“How did Oliver come back into your life?”
This wasn’t what he wanted to talk about, but maybe if she understood what drove him, she’d be more inclined to take his side. To agree to the marriage.
“My mother wrote to him after my grandfather died. I was winning at local competitions and showing promise for national competitions, getting attention online, but the cost of training and travel was beyond what the taverna could fund. She wanted to send me to Athens where I could attend a school with an elite athletics program. I was willing to give up swimming altogether, but she saw that it was a step toward greater things, so she insisted on asking Oliver for help. His wife had recently passed and he was realizing that Carmel was ill-suited to taking over DVE. He didn’t want to lock himself into another marriage and start over with a new baby. I was fourteen, smart and ambitious. He could have paid my mother off with a modest settlement and continued to keep my existence quiet, but he offered to acknowledge me as his heir so long as I went to live with him and attended the schools he chose.”
“That must have been hard on her.” Her brow pleated.
“It was.” It had been hard on both of them. He’d been homesick as hell. “But she wanted me to claim what she viewed as rightfully mine. At first, that was an education and a standard of living she couldn’t give me. The training alone was worth my weight in gold medals. You don’t get to the Olympics by taking lessons at the community pool. I hated leaving her, but my allowance was generous enough I could cover her living expenses and still have plenty left over for myself. She kept the taverna open and worked there on and off, but she didn’thaveto. For that, it was worth making a deal with the devil.”
“You really see him that way?”
“He forced me to model swimsuits. What do you think?”
A small giggle escaped her. She covered her mouth, contrite. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugged it off. “Now tell me about your father.”
She winced with dismay. Sighed. Then tucked her hands under her thighs and spoke to the floor.
“He’s very strict. Religious, but only in the way that suits him. He acts like he’s holding us to a proper standard and warns us we’ll be punished for our sins. Spare the rod, spoil the child. That kind of thing.”
“He hit you?” Cold fury wrapped like a cold fist around his heart.
“Mostly me, after my mother died. I didn’t know how to cook or keep Beate quiet.”
“How old were you?”
“Ten.”
He bit back a string of curses, not wanting to interrupt her when she was finally talking, but he could hardly hear her through the rage rushing in his ears.
“She’d been ill for a while and didn’t see a doctor. I don’t know if that was Pappa claiming prayer should fix it or if she believed it. He’s very difficult to stand up to. Last night he told Beate to give up her music. She’s very talented, but he said she’s not good and it got into her head. He told her it costs too much and it’s indecent for a woman to sing and play piano and she ought to be ashamed that it takes her from helping Grettina with the little ones.”
“Didshelet him hit you?”
“Grettina? No. I mean, she couldn’t always stop him, but she’s always had a knack for calming his temper. She’s as devoted to the church as he is. That’s how they met, but she walks the walk on how she thinks people ought to behave. Kind and generous and forgiving. I sometimes think she married him for us. Me. I was thirteen and he didn’t know what to do with me.” She gestured wryly at her chest, but there was a flash of deep pain behind her eyes. “Ididn’t know what to do with me.”
He closed his fists on his knees, thinking about her father telling her sex was a sin, blaming her for the maturation she couldn’t stop. That must have been so confusing as she developed into her voluptuous figure.
“Grettina feels strongly about her marriage vows. He’s the father of her twins so I understand why she felt so compelled to try to make it work, but he takes advantage of her.” Her brow crinkled with distress. “I don’t think she would have even considered leaving him if I hadn’t run away. And sent her money to give her the means.”
Her chin set at a remorseless angle.
Such a fierce warrior of a woman. So young to be so strong and determined. Brave. He was awed and deeply proud of her for fighting so hard to get where she was. To get away.
“Why did you run away? What happened?” he asked softly.
“Pappa found someone he wanted me to marry. Not someone with a billion-dollar company.” She sent him a pithy look. “Just a man with a farm, but he has strong feelings about a woman’s place. About mine.” Her gaze dropped again, pensive. “I was looking forward to university so I could finally live by my own rules. One day he said he would take me to see a school in Bern. I was so excited.” Her mouth curled with cynicism. “It was an hour to Bern, but he told me to pack for the weekend. Even Grettina found that strange, but we knew better than to question him. He took me to Visp, where he introduced me to a man who was twice my age and said we were getting married in the morning.”