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I left out the part that involved Taylor, and the pop-up rave.

But everything else pertinent stayed, including my past. My ex-boyfriend. Leo punching him in the face, and never making me feel like Vincent did.

“I think that’s the scariest part,” I had been talking for a while, but all of their attention was on me, and even though I was sweating under my matching set, I was determined to see this through, “I like how I feel with Leo. How he makes me feel. How lucky I am to…to even be around someone as wonderful as him. When he told me he loved me—I don’t know—it didn’t feel devastating. It felt elevating.”

I finally lifted my eyes, locking with Mary’s. He was her cousin; I was worried that my friendship with her was forever ruined at this point.

Everyone was quiet, letting my story sit with each woman in this room, before Signe broke the silence, “Do you love him back?”

I had been asking myself that question the past few days.

Did I even know what love was? Was I capable of an emotion as big and strong as love? I thought I loved Vincent, but I didn’t. I was infatuated with Vincent but was eventually willing to let him go.

Leo, though, I wanted by my side. I wanted to hold him to me. I could see myself attending his rugby matches, staying at each other’s apartments, bickering over English verbiage versus American.

“I do,” I whispered.

Violet whistled, “Well, there you go.”

“But I’m—” my lip started wobbling, my throat tightening, my eyes watering, “I don’t deserve him.” I sniffed, wiping away a stray tear trailing down my cheek with my palm, “He’s so good. You know—” I waved a hand toward Mary, who was giving me a look I couldn’t decipher, since I hadn’t seen it on her before, “You know how good he is. He deserves the best. He deserves someone who makes him feel as wonderful and confident as he makes me feel. He’s bright, glowing, radiant energy. I’m just,not—we’resodifferent—”

“Stop right there,” Jamie spoke up, making me slam my lips shut. I sniffled some more, breathing through my mouth in an attempt to stop my tears. She waited for me to collect myself before continuing, “Mary and I are very different, wouldn’t you agree?”

I frowned, studying the two of them. Mary was wearing a black band t-shirt with black sweatpants, sitting with her feet on the ground so her knees could support her elbows. Her septum and lip piercings were glistening in the lamplight of Signe’s apartment. On her fingers, were various kinds of rings. Her black hair was pulled back, showing off all her ear piercings.

Jamie’s blonde hair was in a bun, no jewelry anywhere on her face or ears. Only a simple gold chain with the letter M hung around her neck. She wore a soft pastel pink sweater and heather grey joggers.

They were opposites.

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“But we make sense together, right?” Jamie reached a handout to grip Mary’s leg, and Mary shifted so she could tuck an arm behind Jamie, “No one is super confused as to why we are together, right?” Jamie asked that question to the room, raising her blonde eyebrows.

All of us shook our heads.

“Here’s the thing,” Mary sighed, stretching her legs out to cross one ankle over the other, “Leo does whatever the fuck Leo wants to do. No one can talk him out of something once he’s set his mind to it. He’s a stubborn bastard. Right now, Jacqueline, Leo wantsyou.” My heart thumped at Mary’s words, my teeth gnawing on my lips so hard I was embarrassed at how scarred they would be tomorrow, “It’s none of our businesswhyorhowhe came to that conclusion. So you don’t need to set up some grand jury for us to determine how deserving of his love you are.”

My shoulders slumped, “I’m sorry—”

“Oh my god,” Mary rolled her eyes, “Donotapologize for falling in love with my cousin. Don’t you dare,” Mary leveled me with a look, “Do you love him, Jacqueline?”

I nodded, something burning in my stomach, feeling suspiciously like resolve, “More than anything.”

“Then you need to tell him and let the two of you be happy,” Mary shifted so she could pull her phone out of the pocket of her sweatpants, “So he’ll stop textingme.”

Signe cackled, leaning forward to look at Mary’s lock screen, which showed a number of unread texts from a contact named “Annoying Blood Relative.”

“What is he texting you?” Signe asked with a wide grin.

“Dude’s a mess,” Mary pocketed her phone, “I have never seen Leo this far gone for someone. Ever. You,” Mary pointed an accusing finger at me, “Made Leo a lovesick motherfucker. Jamie and I went over to his apartment last night just to make sure the guy ate something while he waited to hear from you.”

My stomach dropped, souring with the realization, “I’m so sorry—I had no idea.” I shifted, getting ready to go do something, but not knowing what. What could I possibly do at this hour?

“Stop it,” Signe placed both of her palms over her chest, “I can’t handle how cute he is. Oh my god.” Signe sighed, closing her eyes, “It’s almost enough to make me forget to rip into you for—heavenforbid—dating acoworker.” I shrunk in on myself under Signe’s scrutiny, because she had just reopened her eyes and turned her head to stare me down.

“I know, I’m so sorry—”

“Stop apologizing!” Signe threw her hands up in the air, “I’m just not going to look past the hilarity of you, Jacqueline Williams, having a secret office romance with a member of upper managementnot even a yearafter you told Zaid to never, ever start a romance with a coworker. What did you say to him? Something like, ‘there are seven-point-five billion people in the world. There is never a reason to get involved with someone at work’.” Signe clutched her stomach with her hands before cackling again, which was echoed by Violet and Nicole, “Oh, how the tables haveturned.”