Page 109 of Lucifer's Mirror

I don’t want to talk; I’ve had enough of talking.

“What did Trystan want?” he asks.

I don’t even think about not telling him. “He wants me to persuade you to go home. He also wants me to go with you. And there’s something else. He was definitely the one who unlocked my door back at the apartment the night we met. He left me money and a note telling me I was in danger.”

He’s frowning as he processes my words. “Why?”

“You know him better than I do, but my guess is that he wanted to get me out of the way by letting the shadowguard kill me. He thinks you’re obsessed. Or maybe he wanted to take me to your father. I think it was Trystan who told him about me.”

He looks away for a moment. I think he’s trying to decide whether he should tell me something, but then he shrugs. “He wouldn’t.”

I remain silent.

“Fuck,” he growls, then punches his fist into the tree trunk closest to him. I give him a minute to come to terms with the idea that his best friend has betrayed him. Lied to him. When he finally turns back to me, his face is an expressionless mask.

“Maybe we should go,” he says. I look at him in astonishment. “The wards are failing,” he continues. “It’s only a matter of time before they fall. And when they do, this place will be overrun with shadowguard. I’m not sure I can protect you. And that is driving me crazy.”

I shudder as an image of crimson eyes flashes through my mind. Bony fingers digging into my flesh.

“My father might be ruthless, but he loves me in his own way. If I ask him for his protection, he will give it—for both of us. And he’s probably the only person who can keep you safe. And Hecate. If you can persuade her to come.”

I just stare at him.

“Think about it. This place isn’t safe.”

“And your father’s palace is?” I think of all that I’ve learned about Khronus, none of it good. I look at Khaosti but can’t read anything from his expression. “Can I ask you something?” He gives a curt nod, and I continue, “If it comes down to it, whose side are you on, Khaosti? Mine or your father’s?”

He doesn’t immediately answer, and I can feel my heart stuttering in my chest. I’ve told myself over and over that I don’t love him. But I know deep down that that’s only self-preservation. Because he will one day leave me like everyone else has. Either he’ll die—I seem to cause the death of people I care about, even if I can’t remember it—or he’ll walk away.

In that moment, I realize that the thing I’ve always wanted most is to come first. I know—it’s selfish of me. But just for once, I’d like to be the most important person in someone’s life. The person they would never walk away from. And it hurts to realize that Khaosti isn’t that person for me… and likely never will be.

“Well,” I say, “I guess no answer is an answer of sorts.”

“It’s not an answer—you took me by surprise. But…it’s complicated with my father. And I don’t know who you are or what your purpose is. Do we even know that it’s for good and not evil? Trystan told me—”

And suddenly I’m spitting mad. “I don’t give a flying fuck what Trystan told you. He’s a goddamn liar. You know me, and I’m not evil!” I’m yelling at him, but he’s pissed me off now. “Whatever was in my past doesn’t define who I am. I know what I amnow. And remembering won’t change me.” I glare. “Maybe you should go back to your father, though. It will be safer for you. I’d hate to see you get hurt.” Unless it was by my hand, which right now itches with the need to punch him on that perfect nose. How dare he suggest that I’m freaking evil? He hasn’t said a word; in fact, he looks shell-shocked at my outburst. I take a deep breath. “I need to go and see Hecate.”

I turn and walk away from him. As soon as I’m among the trees, I start to run. And I run as fast as I can, just away from him. I almost expect to hear him crashing behind me, but of course he doesn’t follow. Why would he?

I run until the anger seeps away. Then I stop and wipe my eyes.

Why can’t anyone love me?

Is it too much to ask?

Obviously.

I scrub a hand across my face and then look around me, searching for some familiar landmark. There’s nothing I recognize. I’ve got no idea where I am. I could be miles from the house, but at least I'm sure I haven’t crossed the wards. All the same, there’s a pressing ache in my skull that doesn’t bode well. I need to get back.

There’s a movement off to the side. Maybe Khaosti did follow me after all. I turn slowly, just as something slams into me from behind and I crash to the ground.

Chapter 51

A Miscalculation that Might Cost Me Everything

Whatthefuck?

I lay still, sensing someone standing over me. My heart is pounding. What just happened?