Page 105 of Lucifer's Mirror

I don’t like that answer. In fact, I hate it.

But there’s nothing I can do if he decides to leave. It’s his choice. I don’t want him to go. But I won’t beg. And maybe it’s better if he goes. Maybe I won’t feel so conflicted.

Anyway, everybody has always left me. Why should he be any different? God, I’m full of self-pity today.

“Just don’t expect me to tag along with you. That’s never going to happen.”

And I leave him standing there.

Chapter 49

I Discover a Bit More about Myself...

“Clearyourmind,”Hecatesays.

“I can’t.” There’s too much going on in there.

I slept alone last night. In fact, I haven’t seen Khaosti since I left him in the stables yesterday.

“You have to,” she snaps. “We’re running out of time. I’ve received word of more attacks.”

I hate that people out there are being hurt, dying. Because of me. And I’m tucked up here, safe inside the wards.

I swing my sword in an arc, then stab the blade into the ground. “Maybe we should go out and fight them, then.”

“We can’t risk you. Besides, until you have your memory back, you can’t stand against the shadowguard. And they are closing in.”

I grit my teeth as frustration swells inside me. “My memory is never coming back. If it was going to, it would have by now. There’s something broken inside me. You have to accept it. I don’t know what I was supposed to do once I remember, but you need to find another way.”

“There is no other way. You are our last hope.”

That’s tough for them. “Hope for what? Finding this mirror? Why is it so important?” She remains silent. “Yeah, right. You can’t tell me that either.”

She studies me, tension radiating from her body; then her shoulders sag, and she looks defeated. And suddenly, I feel like a complete jerk.

“It’s not just the mirror,” she says. “That is merely the first step in a journey you must make.”

Oh goody. No pressure then. A headache is pressing on my brain, and I rub my forehead, trying to ease the stress. Hecate looks at me sharply. “Are you in pain?”

“Just a headache.”

“Have you felt anything similar before?”

“No.” Then I remember back to that first night when I met Khaosti. And when we were attacked by the shadowguard on the way here. “Maybe. The night the shadowguard chased me.”

“They are hunting for you. The wards are failing. There’s less time left than I thought.”

That doesn’t sound good. “Maybe you should just tell me what you know. Maybe that will trigger the memories to come back. You don’t know until you try.”

“But Idoknow. Because the things that really matter—the things that will save us—Idon’t have that knowledge. Only you have that information locked inside your head.” She looks at me, a slight frown pulling down the edges of her mouth.

“There’s something else, isn’t there?” I say. “What aren’t you telling me?”

She bites her lip, and I don’t think she’s going to answer. Finally, she admits, “I believe that if I tell you what I do know, you will stop searching for the rest. And I won’t risk that.”

“Is it so bad?”

She shakes her head. “Just understand—youhaveto remember.”