Page 100 of Lucifer's Mirror

Hecate lets out a hiss. “I’m sorry, Stefan.”

He shrugs. “I knew the dangers.”

“I will get you something for the pain.” Hecate turns her attention to me. “There’s a good chance that they know you’re here somewhere.”

A sense of horror wells up inside me. Brown died because of me. Stefan might be dying. All those other people. Innocent. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And the worst thing is—I don’t know why.

“The wards will hide you for a while,” she says, “but the shadowguard are growing in strength. We’re running out of time.”

Those people died for me, and I can’t even do something as simple as remember who I am. Or why I’m so important. I’m useless. Maybe it would have been better if I’d died the first night the shadowguard found me. Except I don’t think the plan was to kill me. Not straight away, anyway.

I get to my feet and push back my chair, so it topples over behind me. I need to be alone to think this through.

“This isn’t because of you, Amber,” Hecate says. “What is happening was set in motion long before your birth. You can’t blame yourself.”

Maybe not. But there must be something I can do. Maybe if I was just gone, then they would stop looking and killing. But I’m not that self-sacrificing. I’m not strong enough to kill myself. Besides, according to Hecate, I have an important role to play.

I swallow and turn to run. I can feel Khaosti’s gaze on me as I go.

Once in my room, I throw myself on the bed.

Why can’t I remember?

I’m not sure what will happen after that. But something.

Earlier, I thought I was happy. But that was just an illusion. All it took to shatter that happiness was a glimpse of the outside world. It seems ignorance really is bliss.

The door clicks.

“Go away,” I mutter.

“Not happening,” Khaosti replies.

I roll over and stare up at him. He’s standing over the bed, hands shoved in his pockets, watching me. Light from the moon spills in through the window, highlighting the harsh planes of his face, the silver at his lip, and the savage slash of his brows.

“Why are you still here?” I ask, sitting up and wrapping my arms around my knees. “I don’t mean here in my room. I mean, why haven’t you gone home? Don’t you have royal things to do? Armies to order about?” He doesn’t say anything, and something drives me on. “You’ve done what your brother asked. You’ve brought me here safely, handed me over to a new keeper. You don’t owe me anything. So why don’t you just go?”

He blows out his breath. “I don’t know. I’ve thought about it. Often. My father will be very displeased.”

“No doubt. And you mustn’t upset daddy. The god.”

He gives a brief, unamused smile. “But every time I think about leaving, I find a reason to stay.”

“What reason?”

“Maybe just to kiss you again?”

That reminds me that he hasn’t kissed me again. He hasn’t even tried to kiss me again. Was I so terrible? And how can I even think about kissing at a time like this? I’m a horrible person.

“I’m sorry about Brown,” I say.

“Me too. He was a good man. I’d known him all my life.”

“How come he and the other Brown have the same name if they’re not related?”

He looks a little uncomfortable. “All the guardians who take control of the safe houses are called Brown.”

“Let me get this straight. You make them change their name to Brown?”