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“For everything, for what I said all those months ago before Lily was born. I’ve told you a million times but it’s like it never gets through and I—I’m just, I miss you. I’d rather you hate me and show me every day than get this version of you. I’d rather you throw things and get angry than just exist next to me.”

I leaned in. “What about you, miss perfect? I’m fine, the world is beautiful, I’m a miracle.” I smirked.

She glared. Hard. “Iama fucking miracle, you ass.”

“Did I say you weren’t?”

“Fine! I’m exhausted, but I just I want you to be happy, so I keep thinking if I just do a little more then you’ll be happy.”

“Did I ever once say that or did your guilt say that? Just asking.”

“You don’t act normal!”

“Because…” I licked my lips and tried to think of what I could say that wouldn’t hurt me—or her—again. Then I just said it. “I’ll be an adult. I’ll communicate. Words hurt, no matter how pretty the face is that delivers them. You can’t blame me for being careful just like I can’t blame you for overcompensating and saying things are fine when you put salt in your coffee mug yesterday.”

“Saw that?”

“Yup.”

She lowered her head. “I’ll try not to overcompensate and stop using the word miracle and be more bitchy, happy?”

“Thrilled.”

“And?”

“I’ll try to hate you just a little bit more.” I nodded. “And I’ll start yelling at you for leaving your makeup out all the time on the counter and staining the porcelain sink.”

“For the last time…” She clenched her teeth. “I’d put my makeup away if I could see in the damn bathroom and not run into the open drawers you refuse to close because you’re afraid to wake up the baby.”

“Are we fighting?” I asked.

“No.” She pulled me close to her. “Can we order pizza now and watch more documentaries about all the food we shouldn’t be eating?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll order the pizza.” I turned to grab my phone but she pulled me back and hugged me.

My entire body tensed and then relaxed as I wrapped my arms around her.

My soul told me it meant nothing, that a hug was a hug.

My heart, however, screamed. “Starving.”

For more.

25

RAVEN

The end of the road, or maybe, just the beginning.

Iloved him.

I fell in love with him before the day I saw his phone, I just didn’t want to admit it; it felt like betrayal. His love crept up on me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. I hadn’t healed yet. It was no excuse, though. Not at all.

I expected things to be better when I woke up from the coma, when I had my family, when he saw the apology I asked Ivan to set out for him, only to find out that in the chaos Ivan never did.

So I just resorted to my default settings, to doing everything I could to show him that I cared, and all he did was keep me at arm’s length. If he gave me one more polite smile I was going to scream.

Then again, I wasn’t any better. Ihatedthe word miracle at this point. Detested it.