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I eyed her up and down, and for one second, one brief, solo second in time, I let myself feel. I exhaled against the chains wrapped tightly around my body and wished for a momentwhere I could let go—maybe it would be safer with my enemy than my friend.

Maybe that’s where I went wrong in the beginning…

I trusted someone, I trusted my friend. She turned into more than that: my lover, my fiancé, my everything. She’d slowly emptied my cup and filled it with nothing but the taste of her poison so when she finally left…all I had left to drink was death.

All I had left to breathe was the scent of our regrets.

I had no answers only tattered memories of a love I’d regret for an eternity.

Maybe my love would be safer kept with hatred by its side. I tilted my head at Raven. “Do you want me to say you? Would that make you feel special?” I leaned over and raised my hand tucking her hair behind her ear. “Would your heart skip a small little beat for me? Hmm? Would you curse it for being so desperate?” I pressed my palm to her neck. “It isn’t racing but it’s doing something, maybe reminding you that you aren’t dead and have a pulse or maybe reminding you that somewhere in your grief you can still feel sexual attraction.”

She scoffed and batted my hand away. “First off, you’re wrong. Second, the only strong feeling I have toward you is one of hatred…and murder.”

I smiled; I couldn’t help it. “We aren’t so different, you know.”

“We are completely different,” she pointed out. “I’m grieving and trying to survive all alone and you’re just…” She looked down at the table. “A shell.”

I inwardly flinched.

“A shell sounds safer than a bomb ready to go off at any minute.” I mused and put in my air pods. “The room’s secure, take all the notes you need. I’m hungry so try not to stick around and make friends, they’ll only talk to you because you’re pretty, rich, and powerful—don’t fall for it.”

“Never have, never will,” she said quickly.

But I saw the sadness in her eyes, the reality of loneliness and the want that followed to talk to anyone who wasn’t related to her family or connected. To have a best friend, warm arms to run into and say, this sucks and I’m lost.

Instead.

She had me.

A paid bodyguard.

And a daily reminder of what she lost and won’t ever have again.

The sound of Metallica hit my ears, and while I told her I wasn’t paying attention, I waited for her to look toward the professor before I grabbed my phone and switched off the music and turned on the cameras in the townhouse. Everything was as it should be.

I checked out her bedroom then turned everything completely off and pretended to be still listening to music for the next hour.

I stood before people started leaving and helped pull out her chair when she followed. A guy in a black leather jacket and a matching beanie stayed back and eyed me up and down then shifted his attention to her.

I lifted my eyebrows silently telegraphing my response.Yes, please try, I’m itching to punch someone in the face right now.I gripped my cross necklace and twisted it in my hands then kissed it like I was already asking forgiveness for taking his life…as I had so many times in the past.

The cross around my neck carried not just my sins but the sins of the blood I’d taken over and over again.

Did he want to be added to the list?

God, it would feel nice to wrap my hands around another scrawny neck and squeeze.

I waited.

He looked to my right, then back to me.

I grinned wider.

He shook his head and walked off with a muttered “asshole.”

Raven smacked me in the shoulder. “He’s my new partner, you ass! He’s supposed to get my number, and now thanks to you he’s probably shitting his pants in the hallway!”

I rolled my eyes. “I was saying hello with my eyes, it’s not my fault he was too intimidated to walk over.”