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Ivan didn’t say anything when he started the engine. He put on his sunglasses and seemed to pretend like it was a normal Monday, driving toward campus, dropping me off like someone didn’t just die.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as we passed familiar streets, trees, one of my favorite parks where I kicked Louis’ ass at pickleball.

"Lame!” I yelled. “You have your own paddle and you still can’t win!”

"My shoulder’s sprained from sparring with Ivan, you ass!” Louis laughed. “One more time, please?”

His blond hair was tousled from running his hands through it in frustration. Beads of sweat streaked down his cheeks. He was beautiful in a boy next door sort of way that within a nanosecond could turn into something else.

Deadly.

Terrifying.

His beauty unarmed a person.

It was his greatest weapon. You were too busy smiling back, thinking wow what a nice guy—only to notice too late the knife sticking out of your stomach.

I liked that people never took him seriously because I knew I was always safe.

Until the very end, at least.

I swiped under my eye with my free hand and took a sip of hot tea. The silence wasn’t awkward at all; I liked that Ivan let me have my peace. He knew if I wanted to talk I would.

The black iron rod gates of Eagle Elite didn’t look like a prison—they simply felt like one—or maybe just a sign to me and everyone else in the family that this was just the beginning and there would never be freedom once we graduated, we’d just graduate right on into a fortress masquerading as a home, with smiles to distract people from the blood dripping down our fingertips.

"It’s time.” Ivan put the car into the spot where the admin building rears its ugly head. It was a modern black and white monstrosity that basically looked too expensive to be on a college campus. The designer even added in a mirror bridge that reflected your future—no joke, I wished I was making this shit up—as you walked across it to the building and into the actual campus.

If I didn’t have the family I did.

If I wasn’t jaded.

Maybe if I still had my heart, I’d find it inspiring that when I looked down into the mirror I saw my own reflection with words of encouragement at each step.

Except now?

I just wanted to break with each and every single step.

I hadn’t walked across it since my freshman year—it terrified me, thinking about my future or lack thereof.

Where was my place anyway?

I felt even more insecure now than when I walked through those doors so many years ago, how does a person even step into the shoes of the legacies who walked through this school and made it theirs? Who threatened the world with their power and intimidated the students with their ability to rule with iron fists?

I was part born into something huge.

Everywhere I looked I saw the stamp of my family name.

And every time someone looked in my direction I knew what they were thinking.

I was either someone they wanted to befriend.

Someone to stay away from.

Or someone to hook up with and brag about.

I was never truly me, not the way Louis had always made me feel as if I was special but also not special. It was hard to explain; maybe he just made me feel human.

I cracked my neck.