Page 184 of Let You Love Me

His eyes search mine for a heartbeat before he drawls, “I’m not going to throw you out, Lane.”

I nod, awash with relief. It might not be much of an endorsement. I would’ve preferred a smile or some words of encouragement, but he’s not throwing me out on my ass, so I guess I should be grateful and take it.

“Right. Good.” I shift on my feet. I’ve never been more nervous in my entire life as I open my mouth and begin. “I know I lied to you, and that is absolutely inexcusable. You confided in meabout what happened with your friend and your sister, and so I knew dishonesty was where you drew the line, but then I never expected your hard no and mine to collide. That’s not an excuse. It’s just . . .” I wring my hands in front of myself.

Shit. I’m doing a piss poor job of this.

“What I’m trying to say is, I should’ve told you the truth earlier, before you even had to ask, and I certainly should have told you the truth when you did. I amsosorry I didn’t,” I say, chin wobbling. “I’ll probably live the rest of my life and regret that one decision because somewhere along the way, I completely fell for you, and there’s no turning back. That’s not a secret you keep when you love someone. Not when I saw a future with you.”

Teagan bows his head and shrugs, then winces with the movement.

My hands flutter toward him, then stop. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” he grinds out. Exhaling, he raises his head again. “Maybe deep down you just weren’t sure about me.”

“No.” I clench my jaw, hating that he’s in pain because of a situation I caused. Hating this whole damn thing. “No, that’s not it. I didn’t tell you, Teagan, because I was protecting my father.”

His gaze snaps to mine, and the curiosity in his eyes is enough to keep me going.

“When I was pregnant, I overheard a conversation between my father and Kyle Bradley, the athletic director at CU. The job at Cumberland was his,onlyif he brought Chance with him. It was promised to him on that one condition and after all my parents sacrificed for me, after everything they did and how they supported me, I couldn’t allow him to pass up his dream or worse, piss it away because he was furious with Chance for being an asshole.”

My whole body shakes with the memory, remembering the sinking feeling in my chest. The knowledge that I’d need to lieto my parents because it was the only way I could give them something in return.

“This one thing was the only thing I could give them, and so I deluded myself into thinking it was okay to lie to them, to everyone. So I made up the story about the guy at summer camp, which wasn’t entirely off-base, and when they believed it, I never looked back. I told myself I’d take this one to the grave because I allowed myself to believe my father would prefer his dreams over his daughter.” A sob threatens to escape my lips, but I hold it back. “I was wrong.”

I glance down at my hands and then to the messenger bag at my side and open it, pulling out the old leather-bound journal. “What I realize now is it wasn’t just about protecting my father. Somewhere along the way, I became obsessed with this road to redemption, like I needed to prove myself and make up for the mistake I made. I was so blinded by this idea that I fucked up, that I wasn’t good enough, and I convinced myself no one would ever want me.Me,Lane Turner, a single mother with a toddler and a full-time job, still working on my degree. I was so focused on all my faults and all the ways I fell short that I didn’t see how much I actually have to offer someone. And I let the one person I fell in love with slip through my fingers because of it. And because I was fucking scared. I was so scared, Teagan.”

I hold the leather journal out, hand shaking while I fight the tears pricking at the back of my eyes. I can’t look at him or I might lose it right here. “This is my journal. I don’t write in it much anymore, but I used to.”

When he doesn’t make a move to take it, I meet his gaze and motion with the book. “Take it. Read it. It’s all in here, everything I just told you and so much more. It’s the only way to make you see. Maybe then you’ll understand.”

He reaches out and takes the journal in his hands, staring down at it with intensity.

“You once said you were going to make me see what you see. That you’d make me see just how special I am and how fucking lucky you are to have whatever piece of me I’m willing to give.” I swallow. “Well, I see it, Teagan. I see it, and I’m ready to give it all to you, every piece of myself if you still want it.”

I take a step back, memorizing how he looks in this moment before turning for the door and praying like hell it’s not for the last time.

Chapter 51

TEAGAN

Istare down atthe journal in my hands, stunned.

I’d just been trying to find my keys so I could hunt Lane down at work and talk to her, when she appeared in my dorm room.

Shocked doesn’t begin to describe how I felt when I saw her standing here, looking every bit as incredible as I remembered, and it took everything inside me not to take her in my arms, to erase everything that happened.

But I needed to hear her out. I had no idea how things were going to work out between us, but I owed it to myself to see if what we had could be mended.

I blink down at the book, heavy in my hands.

She didn’t lie to protect Chance.

Hell, she didn’t even lie for herself.

She lied to give her father his dream.

Coach Turner doesn’t strike me as the type to turn a blind eye. Coaching the father of your grandchild, knowing he wantednothing to do with her or your daughter would be a hard pill to swallow, and I have no doubt he wouldn’t have done it.